Post # 1
I have had a very rough last 6 months of my life. I can’t believe how much has changed in such a short (in the grand sceme of things) amount of time.
Almost a year ago I got married. Five and a half months later we seperated. I met someone amazing shortly thereafter, and happened to get pregnant. Now I am going through a divorce, pregnant, with a guy that was great, but has now turned unsupportive and disrespectful due to his fear of being a father. None of this is anyones fault but my own. I take 100% responisiblity for my actions and am not looking to get criticized for the actions above. They are in the past and I am dealing with my consequences.
I am now almost 19 weeks pregnant with a baby girl. And I am scared shitless. For the first time in my life I do not have the backbone to walk out of a relationship for fear for being a single mother and raising a child alone. I think terrible of myself for it. I should be strong enough to walk away, move out, get my own place and raise this child alone. Money is not an issue as I can afford everything for her and I on my own, the issue boils down to my fear of being alone. I have always struggled with it and have always needed someone in my life.
I guess what I am trying to get at with out dragging this out forever is that are there any other single mothers or ladies (even men) out there that can lend some advice, some words of encouragement or even some prayer? I just feel so lost and confused latley and I am working hard to move past it. I figured I would lean on you ladies for some supportive advice.
Post # 3
I was a single mother of 2- lost everything due to an abusive spouse- job, house Everything…but my mother always told me. you will do whatever it takes for those kids, and sure enough there were nights i didnt think i would..but 4 years later i have more then i ever thought i would.
its ok to be scared but you will do what you have to- and dont be afraid to take help when it comes. you never know when it can be your break thru
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I raised DS on my own from the time he was 6 months old until he was 11. Being a single parent was the single most difficult, rewarding, self-actualizing experience that I cannot even begin to describe. I know it’s scary and overwhelming, but it is very possible. You will find strength and patience and resiliance that you didn’t know you had. Start building a social support network for yourself and your daughter, behave in an amicable manner with her biological father (like it or not, you’re going to be working as a parenting duo for a long time to come), and get your ducks in line. You’re gonna be a Momma!!!!
Post # 5
First of all, my heart goes out to you for the upheaval you’re going through in your life. Secondly, take a deep breath, all will be well. I was a single mother for awhile, but not at the stage of pregnancy you’re in. A few things – don’t beat yourself up. And don’t expect to be able to do this alone, it doesn’t mean you’re weak for feeling that way, it means you’re human. And you are a pregnant woman. Let me tell you it is everything miraculous people say it is. You need the father involved with his child, even if he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. But it would not be fair of him to turn his back on you. Being a single mother is challenging but there are positives. The bond you will share with your baby will be like no other. It is wonderfully joyous to be a mother, at least it is for me. Realize that you have plenty of time to accomplish all you need to. Also, most importantly, be sure to take very good care of yourself and your baby right now. I hope you’re receiving good prenatal care, that is crucial. Have faith that everything will come to you as you need it to come. Let people help you, lean on family and friends if you can, at least until you get on your feet. Rest assured that God is with you and so will be my prayers. Stay in touch here if you need to, that’s what we’re here for. This board is an amazingly kind, loving, supportive place, and also very informative. I’ve learned a lot about a lot of things in the short time I’ve been coming here. And, CONGRATULATIONS!!! on becoming a mommy! It’s wonderful!
Post # 6
I just wanted to throw some support your way. I never imagined I would be a single mom until my husband of 8 years walked out on me and my 3 year old. I had done everything “right”- got married, bought a house, planned a child… and it still fell apart. But now, 6 years later- i am happy. Sure it was tough. But you can do it. Focus on being a great mother. Don’t stay out of fear- i think you would regret that.
Post # 7
I was about the same point in my pregnancy with my oldest daughter (I was 16 when I got pregnant,17 when I had her) when her Dad really became more and more abusive. You have to make the best decision you can for you and your baby. I don’t think I ever would have been strong enough to walk for myself, but I knew she deserved so much better.
It is really hard, but I know you can pull through it. Whether he steps up and treats you the way you deserve or you find someone else, don’t sell yourself short. you would never encourage your child to settle, so don’t do the sameforyourself.
Post # 8
no need to point out any fault. The fact of the matter is that you are in your current situation and are having a hard time figuring it all out. That is completely natural and ok. I was a single parent too for a while. Its a scary thing. But somehow some way you will find the strength to get through it. Its so important that you manage your emotions and your body as best as you can during your pregnancy. I dont judge anyone for not being able to walk away from a situation that they know is not a good one. I have been that girl and unless you have been there its hard to understand why even when you know you should its almost impossible to find the strength to walk away from a bad situation. I can honestly say that I was not the one to walk away when I was in a bad situation. It was him who did it. Thats embarrassing but its true. There is so much being thrown at you at the moment and I cannot imagine how overwhelmed you must feel. As much as you can, focus on that baby and trying to keep yourself healthy and as emotionally strong as possible. Pray (if you are religious), find a support group, research the kind of programs that are available in your area to help assist you now and when the baby comes so that you know there are things in place that will help you to make ends meet if you are alone. Talk yourself up a lot and find support wherever you can. Here is a good start. There are a lot of good people here at on the bee. You will be in my thoughts and i hope things get better for you 🙁
Post # 9
Trust me, once she gets here, you will do any and everything to make sure her life is great. You may seem scared now, but you will do what it takes to protect that little girl. Strength WILL come!
I hope things get better for you.
Post # 10
I didn’t read the other posts, so I don’t know what was said, but don’t be afraid to leave! I stayed with my daughter’s father for FAR too long because I thought he was the only person who would ever stay with me after having a child. Not true at all! It took over a year of unhappiness, drug abuse, and finally physical abuse to leave him. It was the best decision I ever made. After we separated, I met my now Fiance, and things started to get better. Don’t feel that you have to stay with anyone. Ever. A child isn’t a reason to stay in an unhappy relationship. My daughter’s father hasn’t had any contact with us since right after she turned one, and she’ll be three in a couple weeks. It’s what was better for me, and definitely better for her. My Fiance has been raising her, and she knows him as Dad. I would much rather have someone who isn’t her biological father want to be around her, than her “real” father not. It will be hard, I’m not going to lie, but it’s worth it. Believe me, it will get better.
Post # 11
I was a single mom at 2 weeks pregnant. No job, no $, no family support, no where to live etc, and I am SO blessed and so is my son. I thought I was crazy but i knew it was the right thing to do. your daughter needs to have a father who is respectful to ALL women. leave him. If he is disrespetful now, your daughter will grow up with that as her example. I know you’re scared but I have been there. And I was 19 and got my B.A. AND my M.A. on my own. No one WANTS to be a single mom. But we sometimes choose to be to give a better life to our child. I was a single mom for 12 years before I met my Fiance, and I sent my kid to a private school and had my own everything. If you want success i promise you will have it. love hugs and prayers that you truly make the best choice for you and your lil girl.
Post # 12
i just want to offer my support and hugs. congratulations on your pregnancy. you are strong enough and you can do this!
Post # 13
Hmm encouragement: Life is seasonal. Right now you are in a winter season and things are tough. I have been there. I have experienced more pain than you can imagine but don’t worry spring ALWAYS comes. Things will get better. Life will get easier and more hopeful. Then you will cycle thru the seasons again. How long you stay in winter can be up to you at times. Your number one enemy is fear. It can keep you trapped in winter much longer then you need to be. It can cause you to make rash, unwise decisions and hold you hostage. Just hold on to the fact that Spring ALWAYS comes and things WILL get better. Your daughter is a precious gift. Babies are a sign of Spring! This season of turmoil and grief will pass. Build a strong support system and dont be afraid to lean on others. Don’t beat yourself up about your past mistakes. God forgives. Hold your head up high. Your past isn’t a reason for shame. God can turn any tragedy to triumph. Don’t ever let others put you down or shame you. You are a person of great worth! There is no one like you in the whole world. You are so special! You are here on this earth for a reason. I really believe you will accomplish things no one else could do. Your number one task at this moment is to love yourself and your baby. You need to do what is best for the two of you. You have a child to raise and cherish. Yay! You CAN do this. You may feel like you aren’t strong enough, smart enough, or resilient enough but you ARE! You will not being raising this child completely alone regardless of whether or not you stay with it’s father. God has a marvelous way of putting just the right people in our lives at just the right times. You will have lots of help along your journey. 🙂 I will be praying for you both often. If you EVER need to talk I am here for you. PM me any time. If you would like to talk over the phone we can do that too day or night 🙂 I spent six years as a single mom. I know the ups and downs of that journey. I later married and spent four years in an abusive relationship. I experienced a long winter but do you know what? Spring has come for me! I am now engaged to a wonderful man who cherishes me and my kids. My long winter has ended and it will for you too. Promise!
Post # 14
Not a single parent, but just want to point out that when I started researching mommy groups in my area I found that there were lots and lots of single parent groups. If there is a good single parent group where you live, it might be a great idea to join. Good luck with everything!!
Post # 15
The relationship I had with my son’s father was unhealthy. We broke up and then a couple weeks later I found out that I was pregnant. I was terrified. I ended up alone, depressed, with no job, and no where to go.
It was hard…really, really hard but sometimes you have to make the decision and force yourself to follow through based soley on what you know and not at all on what you feel. I picked myself up, moved 100 miles so that I could sleep on my mother’s couch and figure what to do next. You CAN do this! And if there is any doubt whatsoever, just wait until you see that little girl’s face…you’ll know right away that you are stronger than you ever realized!
I read something the other night that struck a cord with me and may be of some help as far as motiviating you to take some difficult steps:
“There are always risks and fears in a big change. The secret is to feel the fear, acknowledge the risk, and just move forward anyway.”
Post # 16
I left my son’s father when he was 18 months old and it was the best thing I could have ever done for my son. His father treated me horribly – mentally and physically abusive, cheated on me, and disrespected me in every sense of the word. I could not allow my son to see that behavior and think it was ok to treat a woman like that. He is now 11 and I am getting ready to marry a real MAN. My son still sees his father but, he does not financially provide for him and doesn’t attend any school activities or provide any real emotional support. It makes me sad for my son but he has all of the love and support of two parents in me. I don’t know what your exact issues are with this man but, if it’s in any way going to affect your unborn baby in a negative way then you need to leave for HER.