Post # 17
@ejs4ye – I understand that and just because I’m engaged and I don’t work doesn’t mean my life is peachy either. But this is what she thinks.
We’ve pretty much narrowed our interaction with each other after she made those comments to me. She has told me before that she doesn’t ask me to go out places with her because I have a man coming home to me and I shouldn’t want to go out. I just don’t even know if a friendship with her is worth it.
Post # 18
Sounds like you two may be growing apart.
Post # 19
@snake – I haven’t called her any names. And there’s definitely more to this story than I have put on there. I just needed advice on the situation because I have no one else to talk to about it.
Post # 20
I’m so sad for her, only 22! I hope she somehow takes a nice long while before a committed relationship. I don’t think it’s a good idea to get in a relationship when you want one so badly, it doesn’t tend to go well. It sounds like both of you are in fairly difficult situations and having a hard time sharing and sympathizing with each other, which is too bad.
It often gets harder to relate to each other as you get older but you can’t go out because you have a guy? And shouldn’t want to? Really? Ugh. I hope you told her how not cool that was.
Post # 21
“just because I’m engaged and I don’t work doesn’t mean my life is peachy either. But this is what she thinks.”
and just because she’s thinner, almost has a degree, etc. but THAT doesn’t mean her life is peachy.
Just understand its not easy for anyone!!!
Post # 22
by name calling I meant talking down about her character, which is just the same.
Post # 23
I know that @snake. I just try to point out good things in her life since she can’t seem to find any. I don’t tell her that her life is any better because of these things so she shouldn’t tell me my life is so great just because I’m getting married.
Post # 24
It sounds like you both just want to vent a little, but maybe venting to each other isn’t the way to go about it. She’s going to try to ONe-Up you with the “you have the engagement” thing and it sounds like you’re doing the same in regards to her degree.
There’s nothing wrong with growing apart–it happens. But if you can’t be respectful of each others’ situations and sympathize, versus “no you have it so much better than me” (hey, sometimes a girl needs to be pitied, I get that!), it’ll never end and it sounds like it’s already gotten so far under your skin you can’t take it anymore. It gets old!
Look at it this way–while it’s not RIGHT of her to point out your life is getting better because you’re married….you have to admit one thing. You have found the one person in your life you want to spend it with. You have someone to weather the storms with. This girl has NOBODY. Even if she digs her own grave, she’s probably very upset that she has nobody to spend it with. The fact that she tells you your life is great b/c you’re not single, well, that’s just pure jealousy. I’d be jealous if i was single with a baby, too, and had nobody. You have the one thing she really, really, really wants.
Post # 25
I’m sure with a little understanding on both sides this could all be taken care of. You two are both in different parts of your life – it seems like you each have different priorities and things that you are reaching for: it’s kinda like you said – the grass is always greener on the other side.
But I’m sure you know this – the greener grass is often astroturf once you get up close to it.
Don’t fret – this is a natural friendship progression … you lose and gain some over and over again. It’s certainly not the end of the world for either of you. I’m sure you’ll either learn to move past this together or lose touch for a bit. You may even become friends again once you reach different points in your life, ya know?
Post # 26
You know, no one wins a prize for having it harder. I really, really can’t stand and do not understand the whole competition people get into about how tough their lives are. I like to dwell on all of the good things.
I would just limit contact with her, and don’t engage in any one-upsmanship with her if she starts complaining about her life. If she says, “things are so tough,” your best response is, “I’m sorry to hear that.” Don’t say a word about why your life is tough too. When you do need to vent, find someone else who will just offer support, not engage in the My Life is Tougher competition.
Post # 27
She’s unhappy and just trying to make herself feel better. But people like her are so telling – you should really reconsider if you want her in your life. Her negativity will likely not change, even if she found a nice guy and won the lottery — if not one thing, it’ll be another.
Consider yourself lucky for seeing this side of her now.
Post # 28
god, i hate when people are like that. I dont know what is in the air, but it seems like 99% of the girls i went to school with are having or have already had kids. I have a “friend” also who for so long TRIED to get pregnant, when she finally did, the man she was with wants nothing to do with her or his kid and left. So she is now a single mommy, just like her mom. I know she feels proud of herself for being a single mom, and while i have nothing against that, i know she would also see things from the same perspective as your friend. she would probably say “you could never support a child on your own without andrey!” and i would have to laugh.
Like you, i also have been supporting myself since i was 17 yrs old. Put myself through the rest of highschool, bought my first car, got my drivers license on my own and now im getting married and one day having a family of my own. People who say such stupid things should look at the whole picture instead of one tiny detail. either way, it doesnt matter if you are single, married, rich or poor, having kids is hard, it doesnt matter what you have or dont have…
Post # 29
I’ve been the single mom, working two jobs, busting my ass while still taking care of business for my two girls (one being special needs). And I’ve been the stay at home mom, as I am now, married to a man who knocks my freakin’ socks off.
What’s harder?? Hmmm… Who cares? It’s all about perspective. You’re both wearing different shoes.
For me, personally, obviously, being a single mother fu#*ing sucks. And being a stay-at-home has its challenges as well.
You and your friend obviously feed off each others negative energy. I have no patience for the people in my life who are in a “woe is me” mindset. I immediately bow out of conversations where I think someone is trying to gather sympathy. There are two particularly toxic people in my life who think they “have it so hard.” I just try to remember that if they choose to believe they have such a difficult life, fine then, that’s thier drama. I stay out of it. I don’t try to explain to them how lucky they are to have healthy children or free daycare or supportive families. I change the subject, no pissing contest required. Or I avoid them.
Post # 30
I don’t think it matters either way as long as the best interests of the child(ren) are what come first.
Post # 31
I like your attitude and I really gotta work on it! I have a friend that fits exactly what you said, but yet I always seem end up buttering her up! I really need to just change the subject and not get suckered into the “obligatory” compliments. After awhile, it all loses it’s meaning anyway — I know this is on a tangent, but I just had to comment.