(Closed) Would you ever do this as a parent/caretaker?

posted 7 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
46414 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It would never be acceptable to me. However, to be fair, there are also lots of married couples where one or both partners put work, drugs, alcohol and other people ahead of their children.

Post # 4
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I don’t think it is acceptable to put ANYTHING above your child.  It’s part of the reason i am hesitant to have children after I get married. I grew up with the mentality that if you have babies, your life then becomes theirs, no if ands or butts. Fiance is on the same wavelenth with me on this, because he had parents ( i love them to death but still) that constantly put things in ahead of him in importance….

Edit: Just realized you were talking to single moms…. Sorry… I will go sit over here now..

Post # 5
1088 posts
Bumble bee

@Ember78: I’m not a mom.. but I have really young siblings and I work as a nanny and children have a special place in my heart and NO putting anything above your children is WRONG.. I try to not be judgemental in my life.. I keep an open mind to the way others live their lives.. but when it comes to kids, sorry I will judge if I feel that someone puts their children second or third or fourth..

i know this girl who puts pretty much everything else in her live above her son.. I was around her for 1 year, and I NEVER saw her baby.. ever !! she never had him with her.. she’s always going out, partying, she dates so many guys.. I’m not a mom and I don’t go out nearly as half as much as she does.. I distanced myself from her because I realized she’s not a good person to be around.. but I just feel for that poor baby.. I’ve seen many pictures of him and he is the cutest thing ever.. If i had a son like that I’d be taking him everywhere and showing him off as a proud mom.. she pretty much hides him and does whatever she can to go out and not be near him..

I’m glad he has AMAZING grandparents who are always there to watch him and provide for him..

Post # 7
1088 posts
Bumble bee

& sorry too I saw you were asking for single moms opinions.. blah you can ignore my post if you want.. i’m not even a mom

Post # 9
7408 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Never.  I have been a single mom and now am remarried with a second child.  My children would come first.

Post # 11
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think that children are important. VERY much so. But you wouldn’t have had them without your husband. Or in the case of single moms, you would still need to provide a very good male role-model for them. (girl or boy). Hubby is and should be the MOST IMPORTANT person in your life. Then come children at a VERY CLOSE second. Then everybody else.

It sounds a bit harsh at first. But if you really think about how relationships work, this will make much more sense. Treat your hubby as the most important person in your lie and he will treat you like a queen. Your relationship will be so much more stronger as a result. And the stronger you are, the stronger and happier your cihldren will be. Usually marriages break down because one or the other spouse is being neglected. So  the couple really, REALLY needs to be strong TOGETHER. 

These days, especially, with so MANY broken familes what the kids need to see the MOST in their homes is their parents being in love with each other. It gives them hope and courage and faith that ‘yes, the world is not so bad after all’. They don’t want to see their mom or dad NOT paying as much attention to each other or taking each othe for granted. (Where do you think kids pick up this kind of behaviour and manifest this in themselves in adulthood?)

Post # 12
380 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

No, its never ok, unless you want your kids to hate you, ofcourse if you do this you kind of deserve their hate. 

Post # 13
10714 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

My son will always come first no matter what… For a long time it was just us. I’ve seen this happen a lot more with married couples than single moms in my area.

Post # 14
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t have kids but from hearing my parent friends discuss this, I agree with the two pps who’ve said husband first, then immediately after kiddos.

However, I think it’s more complicated in a single mom-dating-a-new-man scenario, cause then the kids were there first and I think they deserve to retain their importance over a new boyfriend. Just my observations, I’m not a mom.

Post # 15
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@mwitter80: I agree with the article that the love between a husband/wife and parent/child is different.

My daughter always asks me if I love my husband more and I tell her the same thing the author’s mother told her.

On the op, no, I do not think that there is ever a reason to abandon a child in favour of a man. 

The word “choose” is tricky though. 

For example, when my husband and I started dating (obvi I was a single parent), my daughter was still sleeping in my bed (big selfish mistake on my part). When my husband moved in I “choose” my husband by forcing my daughter to sleep in her own bed. 

So I think there are situations where my daughter NEEDS more of my time and attention and there are situations where my husband NEEDS more of my time and attention. I think what makes a healthy and loving family is the understanding from everyone that love is something that can’t be measured.

But as I said, abandoning a child is never right. So if a man asked me to move to a different part of the world to be with him and I couldnt bring my child, no I would not do it. 

Post # 16
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I have known someone who’s daughter accused her husband of sexual abuse and the mother still chose to support her husband instead of her daughter. So no, I would never put my SO in front of my child. It is important to respect your SO and support them but it is also important to be morally responsible and a protector for your child. 

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