Single, No Friends, Lonely

posted 5 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

First of all, I am sorry you are feeling this way. Loneliness is a huge issue that doesn’t get enough attention, in my opinion.

I’m not sure where you are living or what resources you have around you, but do you have a recreation centre that offers one-time classes? That way you can try a few different things without having to commit to one right away. You said you don’t have any hobbies, but I encourage you to try things you wouldn’t usually, or are not sure about because you may surprise yourself!

Another thing I would encourage you to work on is your self-confidence. You seem to think you are “failing” compared to your friends, but everyone is on a different track and no one track is right. I know part of this issue is that you don’t relate to them since you don’t think you have a lot in common right now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be friends and intetested in what’s going on with each other. 

One of the hardest things for me to remember is that you have to work at friendships, just like any relationship. It’s really easy to fall into the “well they aren’t reaching out to me so they must not want to see me” trap, but if you want to see them reach out to them. They will probably appreciate it just as much as you would. Good luck!

Post # 3
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Not having found the right relationship yet isn’t a failure. Please get that idea out or your head, because that type of thinking is what lands people in shitty relationships and keeps them there. As hard as it is, you are better off single than in the wrong relationship. 

The loneliness though, that’s totally understandable. It’s hard when you start getting older and you feel like your friends are all going down different tracks or entering different stages in life. People drift apart as time goes on and their lives don’t align the same way. It’s normal and natural but that doesn’t make it any easier. 

I would encourage you to go out and try new things. There is nothing “desperate” about going to classes or joining a sports team or whatever else by yourself. People do it all the time!

Hell, I can actually trace the vast majority of my friendships as well as my relationship back to my decision to join a soccer team put together by the league with a bunch of randoms! No one currently in my life is from that team, but I met enough people on that team to put together my own team the next year filling in gaps with a few acquaintances from school and work and friends of other people on the team, etc. I then struggled to have enough players for a season and started getting subs off the league subs list and started subbing as well. Clicked well with this one other team and we merged teams the next season. On that team was my current best friend and a handful of other people who remain close friends. A few of us still play soccer together on a team that we merged with my now fiances team, hence how we met. Our social circle is largely our current soccer team plus people who used to play on either of our teams. The summer I joined the random team was 10 years ago. 

Post # 4
Member
3907 posts
Honey bee

Take a class in something that interests you. Volunteer. Join a gym or take some Orange Theory or Pure Barre classes. Basically you have to put yourself out there.

Post # 5
Member
4683 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Having a car will help a LOT. You’ll be able to go for nice drives, go to a mall or store and walk around people, make small talk with the person in front of you at the cash line. Join a meet up group in your area in a group that interests you– hiking, dancing , cards, gameboards, 20s and 30s and up groups, etc. You’ll meet a lot of people through them and hopefully help you form new friendships. As the poster above said, you need to put yourself out there. Small steps. Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

Getting out there and making friends takes effort and stepping out of your comfort zone. I would suggest volunteering. You meet like minded people who are usually altruistic and it is something that is easy to do when you are on your own. Walk dogs for a local shelter, help make up grocery bags at a food bank etc. It is not hard as there are tons of organizations that need help. You will feel better about yourself too as you will see you make a difference.

I know it is hard to join clubs but to have a change in lifestyle you need make it happen. It is not “weird or desperate”.  The upside to this is it will give you the bonus of becoming a more interesting person as well because you will have something to talk about with any new people/ potential friends you meet. I moved across the world when I was younger and knew no one. I did exactly these things and made some great friends some of which I still have all these years later. You can do it. It just takes that bit of effort.

Post # 7
Member
799 posts
Busy bee

violetrose90 :  I used to rock climb, and used to run into climbing groups who met through the Meetup app. They were the nicest people, and my partner and I often shared routes with them, and hung out at their campsites afterward. Mos of the people in the group were like you, and simply wanting to make new friends. You could look for groups who are partaking in similar interests, and potentially meet some wonderful people who are looking to connect, just like you are. I think stepping out of your comfort zone is your first step. 

I wanted to add I belong to a local photography club, and have met some wonderful people with a similar hobby. One of my favorite people in the club was without a car, and we members would take turns picking her up to make sure she made it to club outings. Are there clubs near you that may interest you?

Post # 8
Member
6 posts
Newbee

Look online for meetup groups! I’m not sure where you live but I am in the Philadelphia area and they have a ton around here. You can pick ones based on your interests or just find a bunch of people to go out with. My brother went through a really ugly divorce and has met so many people through his meetup group. Look into it! I’m sorry you’re feeling this way bee. I am going through a break up after 14 years together so I totally understand your loneliness. I hope things get better for you!

Post # 9
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2029

violetrose90 :  I feel for you, I absolutely do.  10 years ago or so, I was in your exact situation.  In collge, no job, living at home and no moitvation.  A lot of that depression stemmed from my dad always putting me down, thinking it was the solution to motivate me.  The friends I had couldn’t give 2 shits about me and I really had no one to turn to.  The only thing that helped was time.  Idk when everything changed, but it did.  It wasn’t some magical solution, I put myself out there, graduated and entered the working world.  Volunteering really helped and not giving up.  Keep your head up, try to make connections and do something outside of your normal routine.

Post # 10
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Definitely look at volunteering and reconsider hobby groups/meetups. It opens your world, and you are doing something that you like with like-minded others. There are so many interesting things there! You know, like history groups that go in expeditions, animal shelter helpers, groups that meet to play games, and so much more. Look up online, look at their facebook pages. You’ll see the actual people and what they do, and it will be less scary to go.

Unless you put yourself out there and take some risks, it’s impossible to change your situation. I don’t know your situation, but sometimes similar problems happen to people who had controlling and critisizing parents. These groups are environments which will give you confidence and let you be yourself. They will give you more energy to live.

Post # 11
Member
31 posts
Newbee

I’m so sorry that you are feeling this way bee. I can totally understand how difficult it is to feel isolated. Please take care of yourself. Be good to yourself. 

Like others recommended, try “meetup”. There are so many different groups on there ! If none speak to you, you can even create your own meetup group. 

Alternatively, try book clubs, yoga, cooking classes, any adult clssss your area offers. 

Allow yourself to experience new things. You’ll get out of this hump bee. 

❤️

Post # 12
Member
317 posts
Helper bee

I have one piece of advice for you. Figure out how to live without your parents.. even if that means roommates… Trust me 

Post # 13
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee

Do you like animals? If you have the means I’d suggest getting a dog. Not only do they kill any loneliness you meet sooo many people with a dog, at the dog park or training groups. Great opportunity to make new friends 🙂 

Post # 14
Member
1860 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I was like you once upon a time and I feel for you. It’s hard!!

I can’t recommend volunteering enough. You meet so many decent people.  

Also clubs and hobbies are a great thing. Tennis clubs,  hiking clubs etc. A friend of mine moved countries for her boyfriend. Online she found some meet up group for young people.  They do different things every weekend and she’s met so many friends. Check if you have something like this in your area.

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