Single, No Friends, Lonely

posted 3 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
2339 posts
Buzzing bee

violetrose90 :   I’m afraid that in order to meet new people you need to go out and do things. No one is going to show up on your doorstep and say “wannt hang out?”

As other people have said you should volunteer, take a class, get involved with a political party or, what I did, join meetup.com.  They have different groups. Ya find the ones ya like, ya go to a public place and hang out or do whatever. I meet my husband at one. We both went to a meet up group and went bowling.  Its not a dating site, but it worked for me. Previous to find my husband I had a great time hanging ut with people.

Post # 17
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

violetrose90 :  I say this with kindness: how do you expect anything to change if you’re unwilling to take any steps to improve your life?

You have been given a lot of great advice about how to make new friends and be less lonely. If you’re not ready to “step out of your comfort zone” then you’re not going to stop being lonely. My only suggestion is counselling to help overcome your anxiety about trying something new. If you don’t try, nothing will change.

Making friends as an adult can be hard and take time. I met my current best friend at age 29 so can tell you from experience that it’s entirely possible but you have to put in the work, put yourself out there! Friends won’t magically appear on your doorstep. 

As for your current 2 friends, yes it’s not unusual for one to pull away a bit after getting married. But they both also might be picking up on your anxiety and that could be contributing to the distance. If she says she’ll call you at the weekend, don’t leave it to her and then feel sad if she doesn’t. Pick up the phone yourself! 

Post # 18
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

violetrose90 :  And PS, I’m guessing from your speech patterns that you’re in the UK or Europe? If so have you looked into living with a roommate? Not many young people can afford to live alone, but if you want to gain independence from your parents a roommate (or 2 or 3!) would be the normal solution. And another great way to meet people — I’m still in touch with a girl I lived with 10 years ago!

Post # 19
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

sunburn :  This is a great idea!

Post # 20
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

sboom :  Same! Majority of my social group now came from getting involved in a local levy issue. It connected me into a community who are now my good friends 4 years later.

OP I didnt meet my person until 34 and for many people it happens later. You are not a failure.

4ish years ago i had 0 friends and has been single for years with no prospects. I did a few things that helped me out of that…

I got involved in my community which led to me making friends.

I started a fitness journey to feel more confident in myself and lose a little weight

I believe both of these things helped things work when I met my fiance. Hes really into fitness so we bonded over that. He also always wanted to be involved with the community and thought it was super cool that I was friends with the mayor, council, police/fire cheif, etc and also we could go to concerts and do parties and fun things with these friends.

What I am getting at is I had to be a more complete person to be an attractive partner. It wasnt enough that i had my shit together in terms of work/owning a home/etc. — I needed friends and interests too.

Work on doing things for YOU that make YOU feel good about yourself. Those things will make people gravitate towards you more because you will a healthier, happier person.

Post # 21
Member
4159 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

It could be you. If you’re not doing much, just working and sitting at home it could be making you quite dull, no offense. Perhaps you’re draining to the friends that you do have //rely on them emotionally too much and that’s why they’re preferring to spend less time together. Getting out of your comfort zone, expanding your social life (and just your life in general) is a must. Nothing else will improve your situation. GL.

Post # 22
Member
749 posts
Busy bee

violetrose90 :  Message me. I’ll be your friend. 

 

I understand what you’re going through. 

Post # 23
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Unfortunately I think that some of this is normal, it is extremely hard to make and maintain friendships as an adult. I remember when I was younger hearing people say that if you have one true friend in your lifetime then you are blessed. When we are kids and especially in high school and college, we have tons of “friends”, but as once we are adults dealing with the working world and other commitments, we have less of the support we so desperately need. For those of us still single and/or childless a few years into adulthood, our married/mommy friends have less time for us. 

That said, the only way to improve the situation is to actually do something to improve it. That is not easy but as others have said, you do have to put yourself out there. 

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