- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
So the title of this post may be a tad dramatic but I don’t know how else to describe this girl. One of my bridesmaids is my best friend from high school and while we have grown apart a little bit over the past few years, I thought it would be a nice gesture to ask her to be a part of my wedding. Lets call her Hannah. Her behavior has always been a little off to me but I actually kind of found it funny and endearing in high school and figured she would grow out of these habits….. but now it is becoming clear that she actually wants to be me and at times thinks she is.
I will start from the beginning. When we met in high school we had a teacher who would seat us in alphabetical order by last name. Our last names began with the same two letters so we sat together. This particular senile teacher would often confuse us and would call her by my name. She LOVED this. I considered it slightly comical at best but Hannah got positively giddy when he would mistake her for me. I wasn’t even cool in high school but apparently she thought I was. As I got to know her I learned that she was an only child who didn’t appear to have a ton of friends. She was such a sweetheart and we began hanging out regularly outside of school. Months later another classmate pointed out some things that I didn’t notice. She had begun wearing her hair like mine, and dressing like me to some degree. She even had gone to the store to buy the same multi-colored pens I use for note taking (which I had never seen anyone else use). Every time I would switch pens, she would too. I told this other classmate that she was probably mistaken but I couldn’t help but start to observe Hannah more closely. This classmate had told me that every time I crossed my legs or brushed my hair behind my ear, etc., Hannah would too. Sure enough, I noticed she was right. I still didn’t consider this alarming and figured that Hannah just needed someone to look up to. I chose not to call her out on it because she maybe didn’t realize she was doing it and clearly needed pity more than anything. We became closer and closer friends. She said that she considered me and my older sister like the sisters she never had.
I began dating a boy in our high school named Griffin. It was love at first sight and we ended up dating for 7 years and becoming engaged later (the wedding was called off due to me discovering he molested a child…see my other threads). Hannah was with someone older who had already graduated and was going to school across the country. One day out of the blue, Griffin bought me a petite diamond promise ring. I had no idea what a promise ring even was and was slightly uncomfortable wearing it to be honest but I showed up to school with it on. Hannah was smitten with it. She said that she had been begging her long distance boyfriend for at least a year to buy her a promise ring and that she was fed up waiting. About 6 months later Hannah calls me and tells me to come over to her house because her boyfriend had just sent her a promise ring in the mail and she wanted me to see it. I arrive to find her wearing the exact same ring as me. I was a little bit upset not because I wasn’t happy for her but because knowing that she had the same one sort of cheapened the meaning of mine. She explained that it was from a giant national brand and that thousands of girls probably had the same one. She tried to say it was a complete accident and in fact, pretended like she didn’t notice they were identical at first. However, I remember her saying that she had just weeks earlier emailed her boyfriend a link of ones that she liked for him to choose from. I would believe that she just didn’t notice that she was sending a link for my exact ring, but this girl is eery observant. She can remember details like no one I know so it is unlikely that while shopping for her own she simply “forgot” what mine looked like especially since she had asked to try it on at least a dozen times. Plus I told her where Griffin had purchased mine. Hannah was a little stunned to be honest that I was upset. She thought it was so great that we had the same rings and figured I would be excited too.
I got over myself and realized that its just a stupid ring that I didn’t really want anyways and that it was not worth making a big deal over and ruining the friendship. But there were hundreds of other similar instances that came up over the years. We went to our local JC together where she tried to take all of her classes with me. It seemed that everything that I got involved in, she showed interest in too. I have had my tragus pierced since I was 13. It is my one sort of novelty piercing and its one of those more uncommon ones. One day, I noticed that she had hers pierced. I said “oh, when did you get that? You never told me you got yours pierced as well.” She said that she had done it a month before and had always wanted it done. She said that she never told me because it just never came up. Funny how in the 5 years we had been friends at that point she had never mentioned that she wanted that particular piercing even though we had talked about mine. Right after high school I moved out of my grandmother’s house where I was raised and lost about 10 pounds instantly. My grandma loved to spoil me with food and I love that woman’s cooking. I would run into people at the JC who said I looked fantastic. This really burned Hannah who was heavier than ever during her freshman year of college. I think it also burned her that I really didn’t have to change much or work hard for the weight loss. It just happened when I started cooking for myself and packing healthier lunches. We had lunch on campus together everyday. Suddenly Hannah began coming to school with a much healthier lunch packed. She had put herself on a very strict diet, no doubt sparked by my rapid weight loss. She began wasting away and even though I told her I was concerned, she didn’t listen and was diagnosed 9 months later with anorexia nervosa. She went way overboard and was down to 93 pounds at her lightest and was diagnosed by a gynecologist she went to see to figure out why she wasn’t menstruating anymore. I feel slightly guilty that I may have had some part in her getting this sick because she looked up to me so much and wanted to do everything I did. Low self esteem like hers coupled with an intense desire to lose weight is never a good combo.
And this was the beginning of Hannah trying to surpass me at everything instead of just trying to match me. If I lost 10 pounds she lost 70. If I dyed my hair blonde, she dyed hers blonder. Everything was this practically manic competition I didn’t know I had signed up for. Like she was trying to prove that she was better at being me than even I was. I invited her over one night to hang out and have a glass of wine. I hadn’t seen her in months. I looked down when she came to the door and said “oh, look you have my shoes.” I have been wearing the same brand and style of shoes for 3 years now. They are pretty rare. A brand called Simple shoes that is completely sustainable. I can’t even find them in stores so I have to order them online. Hannah acted totally puzzled saying “oh, do you wear these shoes too?” She seems to forget that she was with me when I got them in the mail for the first time a few years ago. She has commented on my shoes several times before. Playing dumb to the fact that she went out of her way to buy the exact same shoes that I have worn for years is so odd. She couldn’t seem to recall which store she had bought them at …..hmmm.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was last new years eve. I had broken up with Griffin almost a year earlier under horrible circumstances. I had gone through a ton of therapy and fallen in love again and was engaged to my wonderful current fiance. As a surprise the FH had called all of my girlfriends the day before and invited them and a plus one for each over. I was so amazed that he would do this. All the girls called to confirm the next day. I fully expected Hannah to call and conform but say she was coming alone since I knew that she was dating anyone. To my surprise Hannah called and said that she was bringing someone to the new years party but that she hoped I wasn’t uncomfortable because his name was Griffin. I nearly lost all composure. After finding out that the man I loved, the one and only Griffin I ever knew was a child molester, it always rubbed me the wrong way to hear the name. She said it was totally by coincidence but that she had met this guy and he was so amazing and it had nothing to do with me. She said they had met by chance at his work…..oddly enough right next door to my ex’s work place. After all the creepy and odd ways she had tried to be just like me, I wouldn’t be surprised if they had actually met through a personal add she had put out seeking someone named Griffin (lol). Her behavior in other words has escalated. She said to me one day “isn’t it exciting that we live in a small town and there are probably only two people named Griffin in the entire area and we have each dated one of them?!!” The worst part is she seems less than enthused about this actual guy. I have met him now and he is sweet enough but there is no chemistry between them. Is it possible that she is trying to make it work with him simply because of the name? Like she feels that she will be more like me if she eventually becomes engaged to this guy?
Should I be concerned at this point? I described her to my Fiance and told him all of the ways she has been obsessed with me. He thought I was exaggerating but now that he has met her he agrees that she is even worse than I described. He is a very keen judge of character and he says that there is something off about Hannah. For years my family has joked behind her back referring to her as my twin. Did I create a monster by not telling her years ago in high school how inappropriate her copy cat behavior is? I let her think that it was okay to copy my promise ring years ago. Should I expect that she is going to show up with my engagement ring too? How do I politely put my foot down?