(Closed) Single White Female Bridesmaid…what should I do?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m not sure why you called her ur high school best friend when it kinda seems like you never really liked her? it just kinda seems like you 2 never had a real friendship it was always just a silly game i feel bad for her she seems like she has some issues but you obviously don’t like her so i wouldn’t have someone you don’t like in ur wedding party. 

Post # 4
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Please know that nothing I am about to say is meant to be rude but, I am not sure how it will come out over the internet so I just wanted to make my intentions clear beforehand.

I have to admit, I am a little confused. I mean, I get you taking her under your wing in high school and in a way pitying her and not wanting to call her out and understanding that she was an only child and needed someone to look up to but, on the flip side I cannot understand how it went from that type of relationship to asking her to be a part of your wedding. There were obviously warning signs way before you were ever engaged and honestly it never seemed like you guys were truly friends, more like aquantiances. I don’t really think there is a way to put your foot down because you have accepted this behavior from her from years and she’s never really done anything truly wrong. The only thing you can do is start telling her when she does things that bother you, don’t bring up the past. Like for example, if she did get the same engagement ring as you then you could say, “honestly, it bothers me a little that we have the same ring, I think everyone should have their own special ring within their circle and I think both of us deserve to have that” but, there is nothing you can do about the behavior you allowed in the past. Truthfully, once the wedding is all said and done I would recommend distancing yourself from her because, like I have already said, it really doesn’t sound like you really consider her to be your friend to begin with.

Post # 5
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Not trying to be rude, but you should either tell her what’s bugging you or quit being her friend. simple as. 

Post # 6
Member
2603 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yeaahhhh…I’m sort of with the PP on this one. 

 

Which is to say clearly YOU are getting something out of this relationship because it doesn’t seem like it was ever a true friendship. And I don’t think it was just that you felt sorry for her; it sounds like–and this is completely understandable, but–it was flattering to have someone want to be like you and it was comforting having the support of a friend like that. 

If she’s as bad as you say, then you didn’t create her–she was that way, psychologically, and if it wasn’t you, it would have been someone else. 

So you have a choice. If you don’t like her behavior, end the friendship. If you’re okay with it, then keep it. But what you cannot do, if you want to call yourself her friend, is things like make assumptions behind her back that she’s dating a guy named Griffin simply because you dated a guy named Griffin and then privately resent her because of it. Friends are at least honest with each other, and if you can’t be that with her, then the relationship’s probably run its course. 

 

Post # 7
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’d have to agree with others that even though you may have spent a lot of time with this person the fact that you have this plaguing you doesn’t make it a great friendship. I’m not too sure why you would want her to be in your wedding party. It may have felt like the right thing to do because you have known her for so long but as you get older you realize some people don’t necessarily have to be in your life anymore.

I’d say have a good talk with her and if the friendship ends, it ends. I’m not really sure if a talk would even stop her from doing things similar to you. If you are right in it can you imagine her trying to have children with you at the same time or compete with other factors in your life down the road? Best of luck.

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