Post # 1
hello bees, I’m starting to wonder if there is red flags. About 6 months ago I found some subscriptions on my boyfriends snap chat account. One was of a girl who was also on a website with a premium Snapchat or you could pay for email exchanges and things like that. I asked how she got on his snap chat and he said he didn’t know and his account must have been spammed or whatever. So I believed him and dropped it. Recently my work schedule changed and I was getting up at the same time as him where as before he left before I wasn’t up. I noticed he had been downstairs for awhile with his phone and I went down to make my morning coffee, he comes up from the basement with paper towels in hand and dodges me throws them away. Well I looked and they were full of semen. I confronted him about it (because we don’t have sex as often as I would like) and he flat out lies to me. I tell him I know because of the paper towels- still lies and says he doesn’t know how it got there. I said I don’t care just don’t lie to me about it and his response was okay think whatever you want.. to top it all off last night I was making desert and had my text message open with one of my good friends asking her how her date went, he was reading it while it was laying on the counter and I made a joke saying “are you reading our conversation?” Fast forward to laying in bed watching House. I roll over to him and he quickly exits out of something’s and turns his phone off. I asked to see what he was on and he refused. I put my hand on his chest and his heart was pounding. I felt very uneasy about it all and I asked again for him to open it back up. He refused and said he was on reddit and he wouldn’t show me because if I can play games so can he. I asked what he meant and he brought up my comment about reading my conversation. I said I was just stating a fact, I didn’t hide anything and my phone was on the counter plain as day for him to see. He continued to refuse and went downstairs for a bit with his phone and came back up stairs with a bottle of water and then opened his phone to show me reddit and “see there is nothing” .. I still feel uneasy about the entire situation. I have no proof he was lying and I don’t have any major reasons not to trust him. His demeanor about the situation and his past lie about the basement trip is what makes me worry..
Post # 2
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
Sounds sketchy af to me. I’d have a blunt conversation about it and ask to see his Snap Chat and all that. Ask politely and calmly, but this sounds like something that needs to be cleared up stat.
Post # 3
sunflower7878 : I just went back to your previous posts and saw that you posted this before about the shadiness with the paper towels and gross hiding bull sh*t from him gaslighting you and lying.
The advice is the same:
He’s no good. He’s lying and hiding sh*t from you. He might be cheating and if he’s not yet, he will. There are red flags allover the place.
Bee, be in a relationship where you feel safe, loved and cared for. Where you don’t have to question your sanity or your man left and right. Be with someone you love and trust and who loves you back and gives you the respect you deserve.
Follow your isntincts Bee!
Good luck to you.
Post # 4
Dump this tool and find a better guy. He’s creepy and shady and a liar.
Post # 5
Trust your instincts! They are telling you something very important.
Post # 6
He’s definitely hiding something. If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t be so defensive about it. It’s plain as day that he is paying for something from this snapchat girl. Lord knows what else is going on.
Post # 7
. . . If I can play games so can he.
Unless he’s in the sixth grade, he’s a nitwit.
At least with six graders, there’s the hope that they’ll outgrow it. Find a grownup.
Post # 8
Yes, he is 100% hiding something. He went downstairs to delete what it was he was looking at.
Well, actually he’s not hiding it. He’s too stupid to hide it. He didn’t know how the jizz got on the paper towels? Geez.
Post # 9
I thought the whole basement/paper towel thing sounded familiar.
Leave him, he’s obviously doing something shady. He sounds incredibly immature, and honestly not very smart with the excuses he’s using (I don’t know how my cum got on the the paper towels I just came up from the basement with!) and how’s he’s trying to hide all of this from you.
Move on, you deserve better.
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
Red flags everywhere bee.
It’s one thing for a someone to get themselves off… you dont own his body (nor did you say you did, just stating), but he felt the need to lie to you about it. I dont know much about snapchat subscriptions but I’m pretty sure you need to add someone before they’re on your account and so his getting “spammed” excuse doesnt add up. The fact that he wouldnt show you his phone until he left the room with it, HUGE red flag.
He is without a doubt hiding something from you. You can drive yourself crazy trying to get to the bottom of it, or you can face the fact that he’s shady and obviously lying and decide that you deserve better than the bullshit he’s giving you.
I stuck around with my ex husband for 6 months to get to the bottom of what he was hiding. What i uncovered was WAY more than I had bargained for. At the beginning of the 6 months, I already didn’t trust him, I didn’t respect him, I was falling out of love fast because he treated me like a fool. I stayed to prove to myself I wasnt crazy. But I already knew I wasnt crazy. So I really just spent 6 months torturing myself and making myself feel really crazy. The end did not justify the means and I could have broken free from that relationship and found my new happy life much sooner.
Don’t stick around and let him treat you like a fool. Don;t make yourself crazy trying to figure out what he’s hiding. He IS hiding something and its NOT good. Don’t stay.
Post # 11
avprobeauty : the basement trips I’m talkin going about are same from my previous post in intimacy just to clarify. i just thought this new side of things was more fitted in the relationship board and wanted to give others who hadn’t read that’s post a quick over view. I had to look up gaslighting and it does feel like this could be a possibility.
Post # 12
As a guy I can say your fella is upto no good. The first issue is that he wanking in the cellar which in its self isn’t an issue but he’s going out of his way to hide what he’s doing from you. Are you comfortable with him watching porn? If you are, him watching porn would not explain why he tried to hide what he was doing from you so much.
As for reading your phone he’s suspicious of you, he’s trying to justify whatever it is he’s doing by finding something on you. This is sociopathic. If you mentioned reading your phone in a light hearted way why would he take it as something malevolent unless he is putting his own anxieties about what he is doing on you.
That night he wouldn’t open his phone, something on that phone was so bad he was close to having an anxiety attack and went downstairs, phone in hand, and magically is fine with you looking. He deleted whatever it was that he didn’t want you to see and was much happier for you to look then. Still though I bet he wouldn’t let you look at the phone on your own without him holding it because in the back of his mind he’s worried he hasn’t cleaned everything up.
From experience, my advice is to drop it for the time being, don’t confront him about it, the next time (it will happen) say to him right, you have 2 options you unlock your phone and let me look because this isn’t normal or you say no and you’ve practically said your hiding something. Do not give him the opportunity to delete anything again. He will try to guilt you, he will make it out that your paranoid, he will tell you that if you love him you would trust him.
Edit: Charlie is right you may way to confront the issue now but if he is a liar you will not find out exactly what was happening unless you ‘play the game’ as they say. It wasn’t until a year after my last breakup that I found out the full extent of his lies. My only issue with just saying break free now is that after being in he same situation the breakup will be made worse by you questioning if you made a mistake and I think I could have moved on faster with all of the facts
Post # 13
hickoryhills : it definitely needs cleared up but I also feel like things can easily be deleted and then where does going through his phone leave me? I don’t mean to come across as a crazy controlling girlfriend.. after 2 years of being together and hoping for an engagement soon but now with these things that give me a deep unsettled feeling I’m second guessing everything.
Post # 14
sunflower7878 : Not meant as a criticsm. I totally understand where you are coming from as far as trying to get other opinions on that. And I think he is totally gaslighting you but if he isn’t, hes still lying and being sketchy as hell. Your relationship should make you feel safe and secure, not crazy and like you cant trust the other person.
its all about trust!
Post # 15
avprobeauty : yes I agree you have to have trust. Him lying about the basement trip ( which I have no problem with masterbating or porn as long as it isn’t hidden. I feel like in a relationship you have to be honest about it- yes I masterbate sometimes because xyz and yes while doing so I watch porn) typically laying in bed on the phone if I roll over he just keeps up whatever he is on like Facebook or whatever, so after the lie and then the hiding of what was on his phone is causing me to have a trust issue. Why hide it or lie about it?