Sinking feeling he's hiding something

posted 8 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

Sounds sketchy af to me.  I’d have a blunt conversation about it and ask to see his Snap Chat and all that.  Ask politely and calmly, but this sounds like something that needs to be cleared up stat.

Post # 3
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

sunflower7878 :  I just went back to your previous posts and saw that you posted this before about the shadiness with the paper towels and gross hiding bull sh*t from him gaslighting you and lying. 

The advice is the same: 

Leave him. 

He’s no good. He’s lying and hiding sh*t from you. He might be cheating and if he’s not yet, he will. There are red flags allover the place. 

Bee, be in a relationship where you feel safe, loved and cared for. Where you don’t have to question your sanity or your man left and right. Be with someone you love and trust and who loves you back and gives you the respect you deserve. 

Follow your isntincts Bee!

Good luck to you. 

Post # 4
751 posts
Busy bee

Dump this tool and find a better guy. He’s creepy and shady and a liar. 

Post # 5
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

Trust your instincts!  They are telling you something very important.

Post # 6
2813 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

 He’s definitely hiding something. If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t be so defensive about it. It’s plain as day that he is paying for something from this snapchat girl. Lord knows what else is going on.

Post # 7
9693 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

sunflower7878 :  

. . . If I can play games so can he.

Unless he’s in the sixth grade, he’s a nitwit.

At least with six graders, there’s the hope that they’ll outgrow it. Find a grownup.


Post # 8
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Yes, he is 100% hiding something. He went downstairs to delete what it was he was looking at. 

Well, actually he’s not hiding it. He’s too stupid to hide it. He didn’t know how the jizz got on the paper towels? Geez.

Post # 9
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I thought the whole basement/paper towel thing sounded familiar.

Leave him, he’s obviously doing something shady. He sounds incredibly immature, and honestly not very smart with the excuses he’s using (I don’t know how my cum got on the the paper towels I just came up from the basement with!) and how’s he’s trying to hide all of this from you.

Move on, you deserve better.

Post # 10
3347 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

Red flags everywhere bee.

It’s one thing for a someone to get themselves off… you dont own his body (nor did you say you did, just stating), but he felt the need to lie to you about it. I dont know much about snapchat subscriptions but I’m pretty sure you need to add someone before they’re on your account and so his getting “spammed” excuse doesnt add up. The fact that he wouldnt show you his phone until he left the room with it, HUGE red flag.

He is without a doubt hiding something from you. You can drive yourself crazy trying to get to the bottom of it, or you can face the fact that he’s shady and obviously lying and decide that you deserve better than the bullshit he’s giving you. 

I stuck around with my ex husband for 6 months to get to the bottom of what he was hiding. What i uncovered was WAY more than I had bargained for. At the beginning of the 6 months, I already didn’t trust him, I didn’t respect him, I was falling out of love fast because he treated me like a fool. I stayed to prove to myself I wasnt crazy. But I already knew I wasnt crazy. So I really just spent 6 months torturing myself and making myself feel really crazy. The end did not justify the means and I could have broken free from that relationship and found my new happy life much sooner.

Don’t stick around and let him treat you like a fool. Don;t make yourself crazy trying to figure out what he’s hiding. He IS hiding something and its NOT good. Don’t stay.

Post # 12
63 posts
Worker bee

As a guy I can say your fella is upto no good. The first issue is that he wanking in the cellar which in its self isn’t an issue but he’s going out of his way to hide what he’s doing from you. Are you comfortable with him watching porn? If you are, him watching porn would not explain why he tried to hide what he was doing from you so much. 

As for reading your phone he’s suspicious of you, he’s trying to justify whatever it is he’s doing by finding something on you. This is sociopathic. If you mentioned reading your phone in a light hearted way why would he take it as something malevolent unless he is putting his own anxieties about what he is doing on you.

That night he wouldn’t open his phone, something on that phone was so bad he was close to having an anxiety attack and went downstairs, phone in hand, and magically is fine with you looking. He deleted whatever it was that he didn’t want you to see and was much happier for you to look then. Still though I bet he wouldn’t let you look at the phone on your own without him holding it because in the back of his mind he’s worried he hasn’t cleaned everything up.

From experience, my advice is to drop it for the time being, don’t confront him about it, the next time (it will happen) say to him right, you have 2 options you unlock your phone and let me look because this isn’t normal or you say no and you’ve practically said your hiding something. Do not give him the opportunity to delete anything again. He will try to guilt you, he will make it out that your paranoid, he will tell you that if you love him you would trust him. 

 Edit: Charlie is right you may way to confront the issue now but if he is a liar you will not find out exactly what was happening unless you ‘play the game’ as they say. It wasn’t until a year after my last breakup that I found out the full extent of his lies. My only issue with just saying break free now is that after being in he same situation the breakup will be made worse by you questioning if you made a mistake and I think I could have moved on faster with all of the facts

Good luck

Post # 14
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

sunflower7878 :  Not meant as a criticsm. I totally understand where you are coming from as far as trying to get other opinions on that. And I think he is totally gaslighting you but if he isn’t, hes still lying and being sketchy as hell. Your relationship should make you feel safe and secure, not crazy and like you cant trust the other person. 

its all about trust!

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