Yeah, My ex was a sleaze, too. He went berserk one night because he thought I had TOUCHED the Cheater’s Hotline Phone. He came really unhinged and presented incontrovertible evidence against me—he saw a scratch! How else could a phone, carried by a guy who fools with cars and is remodeling a house possibly get scratched, unless I did it? His usual unassailable logic.
Truth: I never touched the damn phone. I don’t do that stuff. I’m not 100% certain it was because I have very strong feelings about personal boundaries, or because I was afraid of what I might find.
Enter Dh, who has, in nearly 15 years, not given me 30 seconds of anxiety about cheating, including when he was away on business for 3-5 weeks at a time.
I used his IPad yesterday for something that needed to get done that required access to his email (easier than looking through all of my stuff for his passwords). It was one of those little tasks that just needs to be gotten out of the way and everyone will better off for it. There is a deadline, and Dh is a major procrastinator.
So, I do this little thing on his IPad. I didn’t expect to find anything interesting. And I wasn’t disappointed. His browser was open to aviation sites, a weather site, and I can’t recall what else. All boring.
So, dh comes home from work and I let him know I used his IPad. Dh: Oh. Okay.
Me: Don’t you even want to know why?
Dh: Sure, why did you use my IPad today?
I explained it and he was just delighted that I did his segment of this thing, so now he doesn’t have to.
Bees, this is how it’s supposed to work. The situation with Dh is not an anomaly. So many Bees are in so much pain over their SO’s friggin phones. I’m starting to think that a policy of Full Phone Transparency has to be negotiated early on.
Not that anything will stop a determined cheater, who can get another phone.
It just breaks my heart. Bees, if you are at the point that you’re feeling the need to go through your SO’s phone or computer, it’s time to call it a day and find someone who doesn’t trigger all of the flashing red lights.