(Closed) Sis doesn't have job…and I'm upset [longish, NWR]

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@penny_whistle:  “it’s not really my business how they spend their money” <– this

Your sister probably doesn’t realize because your parents never told her that it is a financial burden.  She is probably living in la la land like most kids her age are.  But it’s really not your business to be telling her to get a job or contribute.. that is on your parents.  It’s unfortunate.

Believe me, when i was 18 and I told my parents I wanted to go to an expensive college, I thought it was fine because they said “yes.”  Never gave it another thought, and never imagined they had to take out a loan to do it.  They did, though, and when I found out as an adult I was sure to pay them back for that.  I can’t imagine why they didn’t just tell me to pick a cheaper school!  

Post # 5
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Younger siblings definitely get off easier.

I ALWAYS had a job and enjoyed saving money. My little sister has a credit card from my parents that she uses up to $1000 a month. I never had that.

All my parents can tell me is that they raised me to be a more responsible person than my sisters. It helps take the unfairness out a litte.

Post # 6
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You never know someone elses situation until you walk in their shoes.  I think your post sounds very immature.  Your parents are grown ups and can chose to support her or not.  It’s really not your business.  That’s great that you and your sister were hardworking and self-sufficient.  Not everyone is the same, or has the same circumstances.

Post # 7
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

In all fairness, I believe living on campus and not at home is critical for social development in college. College is about finding your independence. That’s hard to do if you’re coming home to your parents.

Your sister taking short term loans instead of traditional loans is between her and your parents. I can see being upset that she’s getting more money than you did/is having an easier time of things. But if your parents are ok with it, I don’t really understand why it’s your business?

If your parents aren’t communicating effectively enough with your sister so that she knows it’s a huge burden, that’s on them, not her.

Post # 9
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@BuffaloDots:  I wholeheartedly disagree that younger siblings have it easier. I’m the youngest and I’ve busted my ass for what I have today. My olders siblings still rely on my parents for some things, and they’re 2 and 6 years older than me. My parents told me that they couldn’t help me pay my TUITION (the one and only time I asked them for help paying it) because they had to pay my brothers rent. After specifically telling me when I moved out at 18 that they would NOT pay my rent as it was my choice to live on my own, he was 29 at the time. They gave my sister a car, bought my brother a brand new one and I had to buy my own. So no, as the youngest sibling, I certainly didn’t get it easier. I was held to a higher standard with grades, behavior etc. as I was their last chance to “do it right”.

OP, I’ve had many arguments with my parents as they are similar in situation to your parents being strained financially by siblings. However, it’s none of my business and I learned that the hard way. They will continue to support them regardless of how strapped they are. I just learned to keep my mouth shut.

Post # 10
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I can definitely relate. I worked two jobs through school to survive and continued to do so two years after graduation to pay off my student loans.

My little sister, on the other hand, is getting a free ride. It hurts to see my mom work so hard to provide for her, when all she is really doing is enabling her behaviour.

I had a conversation with my mom about this (we are very close and open with each other). She explained that she knows that she is enabling my sister, but that she can’t just cut her off. She also said that, had I been less responsible, she would have done what she had to do to take care of me too. While it doesn’t necessarily make me feel better, at the end of the day, it is her decision and all I can do is support her and hopefully teach my sister a little bit of responsibility.

Post # 13
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think it is fine for you to vent and good to be honest about your feelings.  Honestly, I don’t think this is any of your business.  You are not the parent- your parents are.  You sound jealous.  I know what it is like because my older sisters had college paid for, cars (new cars!) and insurance paid for, nice apartments paid for.  Even after college.  They had college paid for.  Being the youngest, that well was tapped clean by the time I was in school.  I have struggled.  It is fine to be upset, but it is really none of our business how our parents spend money.  Getting involved is a dark and dirty losing battle.

Post # 14
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@penny_whistle:  The thing my dad told me was that they feel they have an obligation to fulfill their children’s “needs”. I personally think they’re view of needs might be a little skewed, but hey, not my place to say.

They WANT to support my brother, even now, because they feel he needs it and as such, they still feel they are needed as parents. If they didn’t have a child (grown man) to support, they wouldn’t feel needed anymore and that would hurt them. 

Post # 16
164 posts
Blushing bee

@MrsTVLover:  +1, I agree 100%

I think the only way to be “okay” with it is to accept that it is what it is, everyone has different privileges/allowances/circumstances in life (even among siblings).

I do feel you, I’m the oldest of 4 and I could let my blood boil if I wanted to based on my little sister’s “circumstances” but life isn’t fair and that’s okay. 

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