(Closed) Sis in-law issue. What can I do?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think you need to do what is best for YOU. It is really wrong of your husband to take up for her just because he’s her sister. I would never take up for a sibling if they were so blatantly wrong. What a bitch! You have every right to feel the way you do, and to bring it up. hiding it doesn’t make it better

Post # 4
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I have to say, hiding it will blow up in your face. It did in mine. I kept quiet for so long about so many things SIL said and did that it’s gotten to the point where I feel uncomfortable around her and very frustrated. And now I face the task of trying to communicate with her, when we haven’t in so long. Honestly? I’d talk to your Darling Husband about it and then talk to your SIL about it. Is there any way you two can sit down and have a talk about what happened? Perhaps let her know how much it hurt you?

As for your Darling Husband, you need to let him know that YOU are not the issue. SHE is. It sounds like she put a damper on the wedding day for you both πŸ™

Post # 5
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I feel so bad for you because I am going through the SAME thing! Only his sister has done far worse than give dirty looks. Just to let you in on one, she moved in with his ex-girlfriend, then complained because we didn’t offer to help her move!! I will NEVER be friends with his sister. He wants to take my side but because its his sister, he always gives in to her. I feel your pain girl… hang in there!

Post # 6
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

What a little witch! Ruining your wedding – and no that is not over dramatic – she did spoil it with her behaviour and she should be thoroughly ashamed of herself!

Stick to your guns, and avoid her. Unless you get a damn good apology from her I would recommend avoiding her for the forseeable future.

Post # 7
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@sarahmay85: Good morning! I am assuming that people are used to her behaviour and instead of going through the stress of dealing with her they take her side as the easier solution.

Kill her with kindness. That will confuse ehr and irritate her the most. SHe thrives off her a reaction. Just become kind but indifferent to her and steal her thunder from her. Go to family events, great everyone, smile a happy smile, bring your bff with you for support and fun. If she makes a comment, just nod, give a “mmhmm” answer and go do something else.

As for your new Darling Husband, just let him nkow you love him but you will not tolerant her behaviour our you, him, your home together andyour future children.

Post # 9
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would just give her the cold shoulder and NO attention. She clearly thrives off any attention and wants to be noticed (even if it is for bad things).

She’s the one that missed out on celebrating her only brother’s wedding. She’ll never be able to relive that day or take back the way she acted. She just made herself look bad.

Your husband can “avoid” it right now since the wedding just happened but sooner or later he will have to address this with her. It will be like a huge elephant in the room everytime you are all togethre until he does.

Did his parents notice this behavior or mention anything? I’m surprised they didn’t tell her to put on her big girl pants OR come to your and your husband asking why she wasn’t in the limo at least?

Post # 10
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m sorry but i have to agree – kill her with kindness. that way she cannot complain about ANYTHING that you have done, and neither can your husband.  And now that you are married, your Darling Husband needs to be sticking up for YOU.  He is going to spend the rest of his life with you and raising a family with you – NOT his sister.  I would say you really need to get this resolved now, I’m not sure how, but otherwise you will be dealing with this every Christmas, every Thanksgiving, every single family get together there will be problems for the rest of your lives!  and you haven’t even done anything wrong!!

Maybe even suggest family counseling?  There needs to be some sort of platform where grievances can come out in a safe place and dealt with, and it sounds like you are going to have to be the better person here because she’s already proven that she’s incapable of it!

Post # 11
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Bottom line, your family is right. You have to let it go and move on. Vent, get it out, whatever you need to do, but that’s his family and you’re only going to be miserable if you keep up this “We will NEVER be friends” childishness.  It sounds like you need to watch this season of RHONJ to see what that kind of position will escalate to. Once you get over it and can have a conversation with her without being defensive, you offer to go out with her for a drink and relax. Have fun with her and maybe you’ll see a different side of your SIL.

Post # 12
Member
858 posts
Busy bee

If it were me I would say something. I am always amazed when I hear of brides having issues with people and not speaking up. You should not have to suffer and be upset in silence. People need to have their attitudes put in check or things will never change. If she is like this now I am going to bet she always will be but atleast you will have said what you need to and you can move on

Post # 14
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@sarahmay85: YOu can have social interactions with friends without her. Sooner or later she will burn their bridges with them too. Invite friends to your house or out to dinner and do not include her.

Post # 15
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

Ouch, she sounds awful.  

You know what? You’re a grown woman, you’re entitled to stand up for yourself in an adult and mature way.  Confront her.  Confront your wuss of a husband too.  You’ve every right to address this head on, you have to live with her the rest of your married life.  And you have to put your foot down about your husband not sticking up for your feelings too – that’s also going to be going on the rest of your life.

Start out as you mean to finish. πŸ™‚  Or it WILL build up and it’ll get a lot lot worse, TRUST ME.

 

Note: I said adult and mature way.  That means using “I feel X when you X”… and not getting angry πŸ™‚  Hard to do, but possible! ^_^  Rehearse first.

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