(Closed) Sister (and BM) Already Invited Her BFF as Her Guest — and I Didn’t Give Her +1

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7606 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If your sister wasn’t a bridesmaid, I would say yes, just tell her to explain the situation and basically uninvite her friend.  However, I was under the impression that it is proper etiquette to offer the members of your wedding party a +1 whether they fit your +1 criteria or not.  :S

If you weren’t planning to do that for your other BMs and GMs, then I guess you should have her explain things to her friend.

Post # 4
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

No, you’re not a major bitch!  You need to say something to her right now!  You told her long ago that the budget did not permit extra guests, it is not fair to the others who won’t be able to bring a guest.  Nip this in the bud immediately.

Post # 6
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

 That was rude on her part after she knew you weren’t inviting her friend. I would make it clear to her that you aren’t extending an invite and that she should tell her friend. I wouldn’t say anything to her friend, when the invites go out and she doesn’t get one I think she realize she isn’t invited. I have four brothers, Fi has a sister and brother, can you imagine how many extra guests we have if they all got a plus one. The only ones getting plus ones out of our siblings are the ones with spouses in committed relationships.

My heads being blown by all this etiquette I’ve never heard of until being on the Bee. I’ve been in five weddings and only got plus ones for two of them. We are extending plus ones to only half of our wedding party, the ones who are married/dating, and one of my bridesmaid who doesn’t know anyone else.

Post # 8
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

uhh your sister shouldnt have done that number one.. two, she is a Bridesmaid or Best Man and has her duties.. who is going to entertain her BFF?

Post # 9
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

It’s really up to you.

I agree that it was a big no-no for her to do this without making sure (for real) and knowing that you didn’t want her to. But honestly I’d just let her do it, chances are at least 1 person will RSVP “No” and your numbers will be fine. But that is just me. I gave all of my bridal party a +1 including my brothers who do not have girlfriends. But again, it’s up to you! There is no right or wrong here, in my opinion.

Post # 10
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Unless she has never been to a wedding, I think most people know if they don’t get an invitation they aren’t invited.

Can your Mom handle it if she knows the bff?

Post # 11
48 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

This is why I’m not having a bridal party. But I personally would allow Bridal Party to each have a +1, its just seems fair.

Post # 12
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Oh hell no.

Post # 13
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I am dealing with something similar. My cousin who I asked to sing at my wedding who is single informed me that she would be inviting a friend from work who I do not know, and who she is not dating. And she wants him to get up and sing with her at the reception to a song that I believe does not fit. She is trying to use my wedding as a time to show off with her friend. Not Cool. Also I did not give her a +1. My stepmom who is her aunt also agrees that this is not appropriate and she is going to handle it. I would not give in if I were you.

Post # 14
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t know. It’s your SISTER. I realized that what she did wasn’t cool, and it was definitely disrespectful to you.  But it’s your SISTER. Is it worth creating WWIII over it? I would try talking to her about it, but be the bigger person and stay calm… don’t pull the “I’m the bride and this is what we want” attitude, but approach it from the point of “Sis, unfortunately, our guest list is small for a reason, here is what it is, and this is why it’s important to me. Can you tell me why you invited your friend after I didn’t give you a +1?”

Believe it or not, even though it’s your sister and you’re planning a wedding, SOME PEOPLE DON’T KNOW ALL THE RULES. I didn’t know about the +1 rules until I planned my own wedding. She might be worried that she’ll be bored at the reception. Some people have social anxiety issues that you don’t know about. Maybe she’s feeling a little left out with all the attention being on you and wanted her BFF there to have a partner for the day to make her feel better and because she’d have more fun with them there. Or maybe she didn’t realize that she couldn’t invite a guest. Either way, you should be talking to her about it. This is not the same as a random cousin or guest wanting to bring their new boyfriend. This is your sister, and your bridesmaid. It’s worth being a little benevolent.

I think it’s worth talking it out with your sister. At the end of the day, if ONE extra +1 comes to your wedding, it won’t ruin the day. And your sister will still be your sister long after the wedding is over, so it’s time to pick your battles.

ETA: I realize that you’re worried about what other bridal party members will think- you could always tell them that the BFF was an invited guest. You don’t have to explain yourself. OR, tell them you’re the bride, it’s your sister, and you’re making an exception for her. Either way, you don’t really need to explain your choices, this isn’t your place of employment, it’s just a wedding and you can make exceptions to the rule if you want.  I allowed three guests to bring babies after we specifically didn’t invite kids. NO ONE was mad at me. NO ONE complained. And after the wedding was over, we all went back to our lives and everything was peachy.

Post # 16
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

@zagora:  married/engaged or established couple for guests BUT the wedding party must be extended a plus one. If you know it is impossible and you have a single bridesmaid then it is best to tell her IMMEDIATELY (the second you finish asking her to be a BM) that due to size and/or budget restraints you can not give her a plus one. Otherwise as a member of the wedding party etiquette would dictate she can assume she has a plus one just as it dictates she must pay for her dress.

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