(Closed) Sister as stinky MOH and parents who want to invite people…

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
47252 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Prettysmile40:  Going with the bride to select a dress? Yes

Going with the bride to select a petticoat and bra? Mmmm- no.

Post # 3
4037 posts
Honey bee

She has a husband and four kids and you expect her to go to your first dress fitting and shop for a petticoat and a bra with you? That doesn’t make her a stinky Maid/Matron of Honor to me. MOHs are not your personal attendants, for every wedding planning appointment you make.

My daughters were each other’s Maid/Matron of Honor and I don’t remember them going to, or being asked to, go to either type of appointment. They went to a couple of bridal and bridesmaid gown apointments and that was it. 

Post # 4
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Agree with pp. I assume you’ve bought underthings by yourself before. You can buy a petticoat and bra by yourself. 

Post # 6
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

It sounds like she has a lot on her plate, and going with you to shop for undergarments is low on her to-do list. Understandably. 

Post # 7
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I agree with PP, people are not going to be at your beck and call, even family. No one thinks your wedding is as important as you do.

Try to be more selective with what things you’d like her to attend with you, especially considering she’s married and has her own family.

I don’t know how many extra spots your Fiance has on his guest list but is there a way to make everyone happy? Maybe give your mom a limit on a few friends to invite that way you can invite some of yours and your dad his. 


Post # 8
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Prettysmile40:  Yeah, I don’t know why anyone would want to go bra shopping with anyone else. And nobody ever came with me to any dress fitting. Honestly, it never even occured to me to invite anyone. It was pretty boring. Just the seamstress taking measurements and checking fit. I would have felt bad if I asked someone to come along for a 10 minute fitting. 

As for the guests that are your parent’s friends, I’d try to reach a compromise. If they truly are best friends, like your dad’s best friends, I assume you’ve known these people, over the years? In those cases, I think those can be appropriate guests to invite. If they’re parent’s friends that you’ve never met before? I wouldn’t feel obligated to invite them. And if sounds like your mom isnt’ giving you a hard time, so just be grateful for that!

Post # 10
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

My sister has considerably less going on her her life than yours does, and I would have fully expected her to laugh in my face if I had asked her to go wedding-bra-shopping with me. Seriously?? Maybe she’s ignoring you because she finds the request ridiculous.

Post # 11
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Are your parents helping pay for the wedding? If yes, then traditionally they can invite a moderate amount of people. Your fathers best fiend and wife sound very reasonable. If not then well, I would still allow the best friend with wife and maybe a few of your mothers friends. When does a wedding become about other people? When the family is involved. If you want a day that’s just the two of you then elope. Otherwise it is a family celebration. It is your day as a couple but if also a day for your family to celebrate raising you.

as for your sister, same as the PP, that is a bit to ask from her. It sounds like she is every busy with her kids and her time is limited. It isn’t that she isn’t supporting you but an undies fitting is a bit much. Not going to a dress fitting is slightly odd though. Has she seen the dress? Did she help you find it?

Post # 12
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Prettysmile40:  Of course it’s a big, exciting time for you. It’s your wedding. But its not her wedding. She’s got her own life (and it sounds like a pretty busy one!) to deal with. I’m sure she’s excited for the wedding, but I think you’re asking too much for her to be excited about bra shopping. Honestly, you’ll be much happier, in the long-run, if you adjust your expectations now. For her and for everyone. While this is a super big deal to you, it’s only a blip on the radar for most people. Be grateful for people who are interested and want to be involved. But don’t hold it against them if everyone isn’t fawning over rings and dresses and centerpieces. That’s one of the reasons that the bee is such a great resource! We’ve got loads of people planning their own wedding who care about all these things and can be there to talk things through and be excited!

Post # 14
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015 - Barn Restaurant

I agre with the bra thing as well. BUT I think what you are trying to get across is that your sister does not want to take part in any of the fun stuff and doesnt give you any of her time. 

Maybe it’s becase I can relate. While I did not ask to go bra shopping etc. Both my sisters are my MOH’s and my older has 3 kids and has not helped with a single thing at all. not the bridal shower, not the bachelorette…seriously nothing. She says its not her thing. So I understand where you are coming from. 

I learned not to let it bother me…like my sisters I am sure your sister is very busy with 4 kids. I’m sure she will come around and help with a few things. There is only so much you can ask of a person. 

For the guests, I would compare how your mom’s friends are in relation to your dad’s friends. If they are on the same level than you may want to consider letting your mom have her friends.

What I did when our guest list started getting a little out of hand for that very reason was tell our parents nicely that we wanted a small wedding, we are paying for it so we are trying to keep costs down. After we told them that..on each side they offered to pay for the additional guests they wanted to come. 

Everything will work itself out 

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