(Closed) Sister as stinky MOH and parents who want to invite people…

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 17
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@Prettysmile40  My Maid/Matron of Honor is also my first cousin and we were raised as sisters basically… She has a baby and I did not ask her to come to any of my dress appointments. If your Maid/Matron of Honor or bridesmaid wants to come to those appointments, that is one thing, but it is not required or necessary. She came to my last fitting just to learn the bustle with my mom. That is it.

I think you are being wayyy too demanding here and as far as “ignoring you” goes… I can see how you are coming across on this board, and I can only imagine how you are speaking to her as well. Could your attitude have something to do with it? Also, why do you need an audience when you pick out undergarments?

Post # 18
5152 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@Prettysmile40  Some people just don’t care about certain things. My sister was my Maid/Matron of Honor and she’s just not into that stuff – she has a high pressure job and a life of her own. I had one of my BMs who was more than happy to help do that kind of stuff (“hey this is silly but I have to shop for a bra – want to come along for the ride?”). I didn’t make it into a big deal. My sister pulled through on the big events – had a great shower and bachelorette. 

Shes married with four kids and probably isnt as into weddings as you are. Just let it go.

Post # 20
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You are being really ridiculous.  Also she doesn’t owe you a bachelorette or a shower – those are things that people do for you to be nice, and they’re not required.

Post # 21
8996 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@Prettysmile40  I’m not saying this IS the scenario, but IF it is, it could explain your sister’s behavior. I have a loved one who is constantly trying to get me to do things for him. 80% are things that don’t need to be done, 15% are things he could and should do himself, and 5% are important things that he really needs help with. Because he asks for so much and I got sick of always saying “no, I’m not doing that”, I now just ignore most of those 95% of requests. Doctor’s appointment, yes, I’ll respond to that. RE-organize 30 years worth of photo albums that are already perfectly fine as-is? DELETE. He usually forgets he even asked, or sends a text 6 hours later saying “nevermind, I got someone else to do it.” So…. IF you’ve been making a lot of demands, maybe this is her defense mechanism. I know you’re excited and I hope she’s excited for you, and I think it’s reasonable to hope she comes dress shopping (once), but I would not expect her to come underwear shopping or attend fittings.

Post # 22
29 posts

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@Prettysmile40  you’re trying to have it both ways…your sis is not interested enough and you parents are too interested. 

Sis/ MOH- a wedding is a time suck and attention drain on those planning the wedding- be it planners, bride and groom, hosting parents etc. Those inconvenienced by it should be those with the most vested interest in the wedding/ marriage. Your sister does not fit the bill. She has a family of her own that remains a time suck and attention drain even through your wedding planning process.

I don’t know what else you expect her to do as your Maid/Matron of Honor, but I suggest you figure out the things that are your highest priority that you feel she must be their to witness you do it/taste it/ try it on/ assemble it etc and then review that list and see if it really is something you need her to be present for. I have a feeling you will realize that you can do alot of things for your own wedding on your own.

Your Parents- sounds like you are running up against enthusiastic parents and budget constraints. If you don’t mind having their friends there I would ask them to pay for the extra table & food costs associated with them attending. If that isn’t an option perhaps they can re-assess any family you or they felt obligated to invite, but you wouldn’t miss them at your wedding and just swap fam for friend.

Post # 23
717 posts
Busy bee

We had to deal with the parent friend guest list and our smaller wedding as well.  I think there’s a way to respectfully say to your parents that you and your Fiance specifically want a more intimate wedding and to ask them to please think about which of their friends they absolutely must invite vs. which friends would be nice to invite.  I think it’s perfectly reasonable for each parent to have 1-2 friends + spouses that they would like on the guest list.  More than that…not so reasonable.

Post # 24
1496 posts
Bumble bee

OKay, there’s a difference between not attending and ignoring the request. At any point in life (wedding or no wedding) if someone asks you to attend something, ignoring the request and not responding is rude. If I sent my friend a text and said “Hey, we should grab dinner! Would you like to go to XYZ on Friday?” and they don’t respond? That’s rude. 

Just because it’s a wedding does not entitle the Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids to be rude and ignore the bride. Her sister could have easily said “I can’t, sorry sis but I have plans”. Not responding is rude and I think OP has reason to be annoyed.

I also don’t think it’s unreasonable for OP to hope her sister plans a bachlorette or shower for her. Yes, people plan these for a bride to be nice – you’d think her own sister would want to do something nice for her.

Post # 29
2853 posts
Sugar bee

Man oh man, you sound really high maintenance.

Post # 30
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Brides always want their bridesmaids to be happy about the wedding, but the bridesmaids just aren’t. Not all the time. I was a Maid/Matron of Honor years ago, and the other 3 BM’s couldn’t have cared less. One said “oh I can’t go” to absolutely everything. I didn’t go to the bachelorette, all they did was bar-hopping. The bride thought we were all evil.

Brides spend 24/7 thinking about their wedding. Everyone else involved spends a fraction of that time.

It’s just one of those things.

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