Sister asked to stay with us for a short time but still here 7 months later

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
85 posts
Worker bee

silverwoods :  I don’t know how good your relationship with your sister. But I wouldn’t feel bad  to ask her and tell her to move. I’d do in a blink of eye with my sister. I have good relationship with my sibling so they would understand it. Also it helps her to be an adult when she finally move out to her own place and develop responsible feeling for herself. 

I def would want have privacy with my SO witout sibling lives in the same roof with me

Post # 4
Member
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Have you talked to her?  My sisters do this annoying thing where if there is an agreement, but I don’t follow up on it, they think no talk means no more agreement.  Example:  If I agree to get something from the store for my sister while in town (and she said she’d pay me back) if I go to her house and give her the item without asking for the money, she thinks the lack of me asking for money is doing her a favor…it’s annoying. lol  If you haven’t brought up her moving out, maybe she thinks no news means it’s ok that she keeps on living there?

Post # 5
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

silverwoods : “Our parents will cover her living costs for the first year or two once she moves out from our home.”

Since it’s not for financial reason, I would start organizing that now. Talk to parents and your sister to agree on a moving date, and start looking. There is no need to feel bad. Agree on a plan and follow through.

How big is your fiance’s flat? Sounds like it’s big enough that it’s not causing problems. maybe your family can pay him rent money now to lessen your embarrassment. But really that’s the right thing to do. 7 months for free is long enough, especially when there is not a money problem.

Post # 6
Member
5185 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

So if your sister has no money and it is your parents paying for her living then you need to talk to them about finding her a place to live immediately.  Your sister sounds lazy and borderline entitled.  7 months is a really long time to mooch of someone if they thought it was going to be weeks. 

It is definitely not rude to ask her to find somewhere else, you’ve been more than generous. 

Post # 7
Member
3672 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

It’s not rude to ask your sister to follow through on her end of the agreement she made. Ask her how the apartment search is going and ask if she needs any help. Maybe you two can go check out some places together. But you need to set a move-out date, so there is a definite end to her freeloading. 

Post # 8
Member
3369 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

She needs to move into her own place. She’s being a leech and that’s not okay. I would give her 30 days to figure things out before she has to go. You guys have been more than generous and patient with her.

Post # 9
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Two weeks maximum, not thirty days. She’s a total sponge. Though you might want to call legal aid and see if she has tenant’s right of some kind.

Post # 12
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

silverwoods :  It is a gesture really. Do you want her to stay? Do you feel guilty asking her to leave, because you are embarrassed? Are you from a culture that staying indefinitely at a family member’s home is not an issue?

If you don’t want her to stay, communicate and get her out. 

Post # 13
Member
6031 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

silverwoods :  It’s a trip to me that you’ve been looking at your sister, in your FI’s home, eating his food and not contributing a dime for 7 months and haven’t said anything to her or your folks about it before now.

It sounds like your sister has found a place to stay- at your FI’s place. If he’s okay with it continuing, then your parents need to be contributing to the place where she is currently living (not planning to contribute once the money is going to a stranger). Even if your sister moves out, your parents should offer to contribute something to the household that housed her for more than half a year.

Even if your Fiance says he won’t accept the money, I would come up with an arrangement with my parents and open an account that is specifically for the household. The money they contribute goes in there and you use it to pay some of the bills that would otherwise be on your Fiance (or you just give him the cash here and there). He might say he won’t accept it because he doesn’t want to feel like he’s charging your sister for rent. Your parents/sister still need to pay for her upkeep wherever she is living. (and she needs to figure out a way to have some food/spending money that is separate from what your parents pay toward her room and board).

Also, there needs to be a direct conversation with your sister. It can’t be comfortable for her to know that she asked to stay for a “short while” and she’s now been somewhere for 7 months with no further discussion.

Post # 14
Member
1541 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

If your parents are willing to pay for a place then why would you be afraid to tell her to start looking for a new place.  Discuss the budget with the parents and give her a reasonable deadline that she has to be out.  Give her at least one or two months to find something.  You might even help her with this.

However, the first thing to do is talk with your SO so that you’re on the same page and she can’t go behind your back and plead to him.  Your sis is a moocher and moochers will use whatever tricks they can to keep on mooching…..yes manipulation is a well used tool.  So pick a date and stand firm and don’t let the crying, guilt laying or anything else affect you but be compassionate and reasonable.

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