Post # 1
My deeply religious, Catholic, and conservative maid of honor older sister “just discovered” that I do not believe in any god and is now backing out of my wedding because of this.
I am pretty hurt. Over the last seven years, I have shown no inclination to any religion and have been pretty clear about my liberal views in general. I don’t see how this is now such a big surprise.
Generally, I don’t like to talk about religion or politics – it is too hot topic and people get so upset. I think family and friends are more important than anything.
I have always respected her beliefs and feelings. I still love her and appreciate her even though we feel rather passionately about different things. I don’t expect her to approve of what I think, but how can she reject me like this? I am a good, nice person. I love my family and friends. I volunteer my time and give donations to the less fortunate. I have never critized her for her beliefs.
The most hurtful thing she said to me was that marriage shouldn’t be just a signed legal document – a trivial piece of paper. Essentially telling me that without a god, my marriage will be meaningless. (She got divorced last year. I held my tongue so bad to not saying anything mean back that I would regret later.)
The point of this is not to discuss anything religious/political… but more about how hurtful it is to be rejected by your own sister. My wedding is in less than three months, and I am in shock how little she must really care about me. Oh and since she is pulling out and won’t let my niece and nephew come, we are out of a bridesmaid, flower girl, and ring bearer. I wonder how she is going to explain this to them.
Any atheist/agnostic/or just anyone who has a different view from their family and is struggling with rejection?
Post # 3
Wow….although I believe in God. I wouldn’t pull out of my sister’s wedding if she didn’t. I say don’t worry about to much, try to find someone else to be your Bridesmaid or Best Man, and flower girl. You still have time.
Post # 4
I’m neither Atheist nor Agnostic. In fact I’m a pretty devout Christian, I hope my response is welcome.
I am so terribly sorry to hear that your sister did this! She is so misguided. I empathize with your hurt over her actions and her judgemental statements.
“I am a good, nice person. I love my family and friends. I volunteer my time and give donations to the less fortunate. I have never critized her for her beliefs.”I want to also tell you to stop trying to justify your worth as a person to her or to anyone really!! You don’t owe her or anyone that. Your non-belief in any god does not mean you have any less innate worth as a human being, or that you can’t have a loving, lasting marriage!!
Post # 5
Oh that is just so terrible 🙁 I’m so sorry.
I’m a Christian but I would never ever say that to anyone let alone my sister. And I certainly wouldn’t pull out of a wedding. What does your family think?
Post # 6
I’m on the other side, my dad’s side of the family won’t come because they are baptist and I am Episcopalian. My grandmonster says I am going to hell because I am not baptist. My mom & dad are Methodist and they are just happy I go to church. I wouldn’t have invited my dad’s mother anyway because she said she would have rather me been killed by my ex husband who beat me almost everyday than to have gotten a divorce. Of course, this is coming from a woman who said that she would rather her son (my Uncle) die than to be married to his first wife.
I am sorry this happened to you. I hope you don’t mind if I pray for you, not that you will change, just that you will have a wonderful wedding day.
Post # 7
@inky_1: My mom is pretty disappointed in my sister. She thinks that she is being really ridiculous and can’t cope with other people being different from her. My whole family is Catholic but seems to be mostly accepting of other people. I haven’t told anyone else yet except for my fiance and best friend (who are also pretty mad about it all).
Post # 8
@dancindiva: Thank you so much for your kind words!
Post # 9
I also wanted to say, that no matter what your sister is your sister and she should remember no matter what. You are in my thoughts and everything will be fine. By they way, I’m on your side you have every right to be hurt. Hugs to you
Post # 10
I’m so so sorry! Did this just happen? Maybe give your sister some time to cool down and try to talk to her? Maybe it was heat of the moment and she’ll reconsider once she cools down? That was really inappropriate and hurtful and I can’t believe she would do something like that to her own sister, but people can get really emotional, so I’m hoping level heads will prevail in the end. And if not, try to be respectful, but DO NOT let her make you feel bad for your beliefs or your wedding!!!! Hugs!
Post # 11
Oh I’m so sorry.
I’m Atheist, but intolerance breeds a lot resentment and hurt no matter where it comes from.
I wish I had words of advice for you, but mostly I’m sad for you. I’m sad all your amazing qualities aren’t enough to make your sister love you through your differences.
Post # 12
Aww I’m sorry your sister is so misguided. Could you write her a letter telling her how much tis hurts you. Tell her your a good person and that it isn’t her place to judge(right). I would end with what would Jesus do? You know make her think!
Post # 13
I think the whole ‘marriage under god’ thing is total BS. I am not religious so I find it really offensive when I hear that. My marriage will be between my husband and I, not god.
I have no problem with other people being religious. It’s a totally personal choice. What upsets me is when people think they are better than me simply because they believe in god. Or they try to push their belief onto me.
I’m so sorry that something so trivial has but a spanner in the works of your beautiful day. Just don’t feel bad about her decision. She is the one that will look back and regret not being there for her sister.