(Closed) Sister BM is pregnant… again.

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
46677 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would just ask her if she still wanted to be in the wedding party. I would tell her that I would totally understand if she felt like she did not want to particpate, what with being pregnant and the expenses of a new baby , and leave the ball in her court.

Post # 4
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would personally leave it up to her. I wouldn’t want to make her be in the wedding if it was going to be a stretch on funds, etc.. 

 

I have a Bridesmaid or Best Man that is TTC now. My wedding is still 11 months away so it’s not a big deal. I don’t know that I would mind if she was pregnant during the wedding anyways… But, she cares, big time! she told her husband she did not want to be fat (her words, not mine) for my wedding and it was either right now, or they would have to wait a year. lol. 

Post # 5
Member
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think if she brought it up herself, then she may have an idea of how you feel about it in the first place, so I don’t know that it would necessarily be “kicking” her out after all? Maybe sit down and talk about it – her financial concerns, will she feel comfortable, etc. But in the end, she’s your sister so she’ll be in many of the photos anyway, so if that is your concern then I don’t know that it’ll really make a difference? If you’re worried about her maybe taking away attention from you two, then maybe have her stand furthest away from you guys? I’m not trying to sound mean, just come up with ideas.

Random side note/story: We have a friend who is getting married in June and her sister has already been married for 3 years and they want to start trying for kids, but the sister has agreed that she/hubby won’t start trying until around 3mos before the wedding so that she won’t “ruin” the pictures. I think it’s kinda funny/cute/sad lol.

Post # 7
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

That’s really unfortunate (although you do end up with cute niece/nephews afterwards) that it seems your sister has some issues regarding smart sex =(.  My SIL was 7 months along at our wedding and she couldn’t wear heels and needed a special dress, but she was totally okay to walk around a little bit and even dance that night. But we didn’t have an all day affair, either. Honestly, as long as she made it down the aisle and hung around for a few photos–that’d be fine. What are your expectations for her? Maybe if you just keep it simple/easy, it won’t be a big deal.

I’d probably buy her dress and help relieve some of the financial burden. My SIL had one of those black 7-way maternity dresses and it was super cute! Maybe you could find one slightly used on Ebay or something. She got a matching ribbon so she didn’t look out of place.

I just feel like where there’s a will there’s a way…but don’t hold the “lack of excitement” over her head too much–she’s barely 21 with practically a newborn and recently pregnant. I’d say she has enough on her own plate that is probably clouding her ability to be happier for you.

Post # 9
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

leave it up to her. and your parents wouldn’t be willing to pay for her dress? even if she can’t help plan your shower or go to your bachelorette, she’s your sister, so leaving the choice up to her is a very generous gesture on your part.

your sister obviously has some issues. it sounds like you shouldn’t expect much from her, and that’s okay — that’s what your other bms are for. just support your sister and hope that she finally learns something.

Post # 10
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Ok….she’s your SISTER. Why can’t you just pay for the dress and step up to make sure she’s included? And why does being pregnant preclude someone from being a bridesmaid? For real. A baby bump means you aren’t important enough to stand beside someone and support them in their marriage? If you can afford the thousands of dollars for a wedding, you can afford to buy your sister’s dress. Her personal problems have nothing to do with her ability to be a bridesmaid…

Also, if you are worried about her not being able to perform all the duties of setting up – get one more person to help! It doesn’t all have to fall on the shoulders of your bridesmaids. Singling your sister out for this and stripping her of her position would be a really hurtful thing to do, in my opinion.

Post # 11
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

So my sister and Maid/Matron of Honor will be 7 months pregnant at my wedding in 25 days. She’s in a better situation, married being one, but she’s good to go with no issues. She planned my shower and has also planned my bachlorette even though she can’t drink. Being pregnant isn’t like having an illness she might be perfectly fine doing all of this stuff.

Post # 13
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I would let her decide. It sounds like she might have some issues about being in the wedding party of her own accord (ex. finances, etc.). Just straight-out ask her, “do you want to be in the wedding party?”. If she says yes, maybe look in to helping out financially if you think that’s a concern, either by buying the dress (you could call it her gift for being a bridesmaid) or by helping out with the baby expenses.

You’ve said you’re not opposed to her being in the wedding party, more disappointed in her poor sexual decisions, which is kind of a separate issue. So, since you have no issue with her actually being in the party, why not let her choose?

Post # 14
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@crayfish: Yeesh. Way to not read the post and jump to conclusions.

Post # 16
Member
5497 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Leave it up to her. It sounds like she will back out if you give her the choice, but at the same time, she’s you’re sister. You never know what she’ll say unless you talk with her.

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