Sister can't afford Christmas for her kids.

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 61
1489 posts
Bumble bee

I would stick to throwing Christmas lunch or dinner and getting the kids stuff they may need ie clothes, school supplies, maybe a few small toys. I think this may be more useful to mum instead of wasteful Christmas decorations.

Post # 62
1993 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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skibumlove8 :  it sounds like collectively as a family you all are wasteful so it’s hard to feel bad for your sister’s situation. Hopefully you never fall on hard times because you are so wasteful of what you have and more focused on a hallmark holiday instead of everyday necessities. Christmas is not about having a tree and toys especially if you can’t afford it. I grew up with very little and managed just fine. Even as a child I knew food and clothes were more important.  I’d hate to become an adult and realize my family spent more time and energy focused on one day of the year than the actual necessities I needed year round. If your sister is doing fine throughout the year then butt out like your mom said. If she’s anything like you and your mom I’m sure she wastes a lot too like throwing out Christmas decorations she could have had for her kids. Even if it’s not a “priority” I would think you would think about the long term of having it for your kids. If not well there you have it. Christmas must not be THAT important. 

Post # 63
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Okay, coming into this one as one of the “was poor for many Christmases” –

I remember two Christmases vividly. One, we had zero money, and our grandma (my mom’s rock) passed away a month before Christmas – my mom was seriously depressed. A group of women at our church who knew my grandmother got together and got us a bunch if small presents, and a few generous people gave us gift cards to department stores and such for clothes. I am actually tearing up remembering this.

Two, we we’re still dirt poor. My momsm best friend, who had recently gotten married and didn’t have much money herself, got us a bunch of small gifts from Santa and made Christmas happen when we thought it wouldn’t. I will never forget the kindness of her and her husband, and how much I love them for that.

I say this because regardless of what your sister may or may not feel, doing something to make the holiday happen could have a huge, positive impact on her children for the rest of their lives. I would not just do nothing, or let Christmas go without special recognition – assuming Christmas has been a “thing” every year past.

Take pp suggestions and have some special times watching movies and seeing lights and singing songs together before Christmas. Buy your sister a tree and some decorations comparable to what they usually have and drop them off on her doorstep. And buy the kids the same kinds and amount if presents they would usually get, and label them from Santa. Regardless of what your sister may or may not say now, those kids are the most important, and this is something they will not forget. (The oldest is about how old I was when those christmases above happened, and will probably understand what is going on, at least to some degree.)

Yes, there is plenty of consumerism and not so great things that can be associated with Christmas – but this isn’t about that. It’s about making sure those kids know that A none of this is their fault, and B they are loved. And hopefully your sister will end up seeing that as well. After Christmas, if you can, sit down with your sister and discuss how you can help out to get her on the track to a better job and better life in general. One step at a time.

Happy holidays, and may good things come your way.

Post # 64
3148 posts
Sugar bee

Do you throw out all cookware after every meal, too?

Post # 65
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

Honestly..i’d have everything delivered to her house. Annonymously.

Be  the magic of Santa for your sister

Post # 66
717 posts
Busy bee

This is disgustingly wasteful. There are people who legitimately can’t afford to put clothes on their back and you just throw yours away every few months. It’s appalling. If you don’t want them then give them to someone who needs them. 


You really need a reality check. 

Post # 67
374 posts
Helper bee

Does anyone else find it odd that she is a new user and created 9 posts with 3 days?

Post # 68
5998 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

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marriedbeeexpecting :  maybe a bit odd but some people just need a lot of advice, different perspectives. NBD.

Post # 69
1362 posts
Bumble bee

I truly don’t remember the presents that I received as a kid at Christmas (other than the jammies that we got to open on Christmas Eve) but I do remember threading popcorn to decorate the tree while carol music was playing. I remember us making Christmas stockings and decorating them. I remember baking treats with my mum and brothers. Playing board games or our tradtional Christmas puzzle that we all did together while having our hot cocoa. Those  memories are the best part of Christmas.

Have them over. Make some good family memories. Those they will keep. Presents they will eventually forget.


Post # 70
2653 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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skibumlove8 :  this is my advice. whatever you do just dont over do it with the kids, as much as I’m sure you mean well the excess of Christmas is the most stressful thing for anyone who isnt rich really, but especially those who are low income. She may be trying to escape the materialism of Christmas. Having to live up to or outdo whatever was done the year before each time makes it a source of stress, not celebration for many. It is ridiculous that what was once a holiday about spending time with family has become a competition of who can spend the most money. She is an adult, if you want to spoil her a little then go right ahead, that is your sister, you are totally allowed to do that, but try not to contribute to the materialism of the kids.

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