Post # 1
My older sister (3 years difference, I’m 23) got married at the beginning of the year and I only found out there was a wedding at all because she put up some photos afterwards on SnapChat. She had been engaged for about 4 years and she told me that they had gotten engaged a week after it happened but they had no plans for a wedding yet. I didn’t ask why she didn’t invite me or even tell me about it. When I asked if she had gotten married, she mentioned it was a small wedding but I know our aunt and nanna were invited but other than that I have no idea as to guest list and whatnot.
She also had a baby a couple months ago. I found out she was pregnant when she posted the ultrasound on Snapchat, I told her congratulations. I wasn’t invited to the baby shower or to meet the baby until he was almost three months old and that was only because our Nanna intervened.
My sister and I have certainly drifted apart leading up to this. I kept asking her to catch up but she kept saying she was busy. And I kept inviting her to christmases but she either said she was too busy or would say she’s coming and then just not show. So I did pretty much give up. But when I found out about the wedding and then later the baby, I just bawled my eyes out both times. We might not be that close but we’ve never had a falling out or a big argument or anything so I took the wedding and baby thing pretty hard.
I don’t really know what to do about it. Should I ask her why? See if there is something she’s mad at me for? When we saw each other when I finally met the baby, she didn’t seem angry about anything…maybe a bit indifferent though…
I’m getting married at the end of next year, just a small backyard wedding (20-30 people) and I’m tempted to invite her to help the relationship but I also think it might be time for me to let go and just not invite her. I also don’t want to get stood up by her on my wedding day either…
Is there any advice on what to do?
Is it rude to ask my sister why I wasn’t invited to the wedding and whatnot?
Is it still rude of me not to invite her to my wedding?
Post # 2
I would first ask my parents if she mentioned why you weren’t invited. I would also be curious and want to know!
Post # 3
MissCtoMrsR : We’re not very close to our parents, it wasn’t exactly a very happy household. Neither of them were invited to her wedding. Our Nanna has essentially replaced that role and I asked her and she said she didn’t know why I wasn’t invited but that as far as she knew my sister had no grudges against me or anything
Post # 4
I would definitely ask her. You’re on the verge of letting your relationship go anyway, might as well try to figure out if it’s worth saving? Don’t just ask why though, tell her how it makes you feel.
I’d listen to her explanations and go from there on wheter to invite her to your wedding or not.
Post # 5
I would feel terrible if I found out about my sibling’s wedding & baby through snapchat. Are you the one who always initiates conversations?
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2019 - City, State
crashbandicoot : If you grew up in a troubled household, it could very well be that seeing you just brings up unpleasant memories for your sister. It’s actually fairly common for people with troubled or traumatic experiences to cut out people – even supportive people – that they were close to during that time. If that’s the case, it is absolutely nothing you did.
It’s hard to say what you should do in this scenario…but I think personally I would talk to my sister. I wouldn’t necessarily ask her why she didn’t invite you, but I would try to touch on the state of your relationship, and where she wants the relationship to be, if there are any boundaries she would like to set, etc.
Post # 7
My sister got married about three years ago and didn’t invite me. Our mother attended the wedding and didn’t tell me. We are not close and never have been but whenever she needed money I was the first person she came running too. The last time was four years ago when she had no money to move after a bad breakup. I loaned her $5000 and I made it clear that it was the last time. If it wasn’t for my nephew I wouldn’t have loaned her the money. So basically after I said no more loans I rarely heard from her agaiin. About two years ago she sent me a text asking me to call her and then texted my daughter to check that I had the same number. See it’s all about her. We haven’t spoken in two years but I am expected to drop everything and call her. I didn’t call her back. If you need closure call and ask to meet her face to face discuss why you were not invited but don’t invite her to your wedding. No one deserves to be slighted on their special day.
Post # 8
Something is obviously going on. I would directly ask her if she has any issue with you or if you have done something to offend her. If it’s nothing you said or did specifically, is it possible she thinks you have little in common? Might she disapprove of your lifestyle or choices?
Post # 9
She probably doesn’t want to see u because you remind her of your parents. You have to let her go.
Post # 10
Like PPs have said, potentially being around you reminds her of the negative upbringing and she struggles to deal with that.
However I wouldn’t burn all your bridges. To me it’s clear you want to resolves whatever is going on, or you wouldn’t be asking for advice here. If I was in your situation, I’d still keep trying. One day she may have therapy and want to reach out, you never know, so why burn all your bridges?
I’d invite her and her family to your wedding as an olive branch kind of thing, but with no expectations of them coming. Also get yourself into therapy, talk about this and how it makes you feel with a professional. It will help.
Post # 11
My brother cut my sister and me out of his life for over a decade because of his abusive relationship with our parents, even though I’m 11 years younger than he and was barely conscious while that was all happening. He said that he just couldn’t be around anyone who reminded him of what had happened. Your sister may feel similarly.
I disagree with PP that you should merely “let her go” without a discussion. It’s reasonable for you to want an explanation for this incredibly hurtful behavior. It’s not rude to ask her, which I would definitely do before making any decisions about inviting her to your wedding.
Post # 12
It’s better to ask now rather than let it fester for 20 years.
Post # 13
This is heartbreaking. I would ask her outright bc letting this fester sounds like torture.
Post # 14
It seems to me like there is alot more going on with your sister. Alot of past memories that she is feeling. She is not being mean or rude in conversation’s but is trying to keep her distance from you. I am assuming you guys didn’t have a very great childhood growning up, and seeing you problary brings up those emotions that she is trying to not feel. I would try and reach out to her but you may not like the answer and you might not be able to do anything about her feelings if she is working through them with the help of a therepist. But you would definatly have your answer. It’s better to know than to guess.
Post # 15
I’m a huge believer of safeguarding my emotional well being so I’d probably just let her go and cut off communication, and definitely no wedding invitation. She’s shown you in a thousand different ways that she’s not interested in having a relationship with you. I wouldn’t be able to keep opening myself up just to be constantly hurt by her. However, I’m also someone who doesn’t really need to know the reasons behind why someone does something. If you are, and you think it will make a difference, then talk to her.