Sister didn't invite me to wedding, should I ask why?

posted 2 months ago in Weddingbee
Post # 2
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I would first ask my parents if she mentioned why you weren’t invited. I would also be curious and want to know!

Post # 4
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I would definitely ask her. You’re on the verge of letting your relationship go anyway, might as well try to figure out if it’s worth saving? Don’t just ask why though, tell her how it makes you feel.

I’d listen to her explanations and go from there on wheter to invite her to your wedding or not.

Post # 5
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I would feel terrible if I found out about my sibling’s wedding & baby through snapchat. Are you the one who always initiates conversations?

Post # 6
Member
898 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

crashbandicoot :  If you grew up in a troubled household, it could very well be that seeing you just brings up unpleasant memories for your sister. It’s actually fairly common for people with troubled or traumatic experiences to cut out people – even supportive people – that they were close to during that time. If that’s the case, it is absolutely nothing you did.

It’s hard to say what you should do in this scenario…but I think personally I would talk to my sister. I wouldn’t necessarily ask her why she didn’t invite you, but I would try to touch on the state of your relationship, and where she wants the relationship to be, if there are any boundaries she would like to set, etc.

Post # 7
Member
68 posts
Worker bee

My sister got married about three years ago and didn’t invite me. Our mother attended the wedding and didn’t tell me.  We are not close and never have been but whenever she needed money I was the first person she came running too. The last time was four years ago when she had no money to move after a bad breakup. I loaned her $5000 and I made it clear that it was the last time. If it wasn’t for my nephew I wouldn’t have loaned her the money. So basically after I said no more loans I rarely  heard from her agaiin. About two years ago she sent me a text asking me to call her and then texted my daughter to check that I had the same number. See it’s all about her. We haven’t spoken in two years but I am expected to drop everything and call her. I didn’t call her back.   If you need closure call and ask to meet her face to face  discuss why you were not invited  but don’t invite her to your wedding. No one deserves to be slighted on their special day. 

Post # 8
Member
10848 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Something is obviously going on. I would directly ask her if she has any issue with you or if you have done something to offend her. If it’s nothing you said or did specifically, is it possible she thinks you have little in common? Might she disapprove of your lifestyle or choices? 

Post # 9
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee

She probably doesn’t want to see u because you remind her of your parents. You have to let her go.

Post # 10
Member
683 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Like PPs have said, potentially being around you reminds her of the negative upbringing and she struggles to deal with that. 

However I wouldn’t burn all your bridges. To me it’s clear you want to resolves whatever is going on, or you wouldn’t be asking for advice here. If I was in your situation, I’d still keep trying. One day she may have therapy and want to reach out, you never know, so why burn all your bridges? 

I’d invite her and her family to your wedding as an olive branch kind of thing, but with no expectations of them coming. Also get yourself into therapy, talk about this and how it makes you feel with a professional. It will help.

Post # 11
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee

My brother cut my sister and me out of his life for over a decade because of his abusive relationship with our parents, even though I’m 11 years younger than he and was barely conscious while that was all happening. He said that he just couldn’t be around anyone who reminded him of what had happened. Your sister may feel similarly. 

I disagree with PP that you should merely “let her go” without a discussion. It’s reasonable for you to want an explanation for this incredibly hurtful behavior. It’s not rude to ask her, which I would definitely do before making any decisions about inviting her to your wedding. 

Post # 12
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee

It’s better to ask now rather than let it fester for 20 years. 

Post # 13
Member
1180 posts
Bumble bee

This is heartbreaking.  I would ask her outright bc letting this fester sounds like torture. 

Post # 14
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

It seems to me like there is alot more going on with your sister. Alot of past memories that she is feeling. She is not being mean or rude in conversation’s but is trying to keep her distance from you. I am assuming you guys didn’t have a very great childhood growning up, and seeing you problary brings up those emotions that she is trying to not feel. I would try and reach out to her but you may not like the answer and you might not be able to do anything about her feelings if she is working through them with the help of a therepist. But you would definatly have your answer. It’s better to know than to guess. 

Post # 15
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’m a huge believer of safeguarding my emotional well being so I’d probably just let her go and cut off communication, and definitely no wedding invitation.  She’s shown you in a thousand different ways that she’s not interested in having a relationship with you.  I wouldn’t be able to keep opening myself up just to be constantly hurt by her.  However,  I’m also someone who doesn’t really need to know the reasons behind why someone does something.   If you are, and you think it will make a difference,  then talk to her.  

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors