Post # 1
This is non wedding related actually. I just want to hear some other opinions not connected to the situations, because this past year has been really tough family wise and draining and sometimes I wonder if I am thinking clearly.
So I’ll try to keep it brief. I’m 26, soon turning 27 and I live in Los Angeles. I moved out here by myself after I graduated college in Boston. I had aspirations to work in marketing at a studio. Anyway So it was tough I sleep on various ppl’s couches and waited tables for month before I got a full time job. I am 22 at this point. I didnt rely on my parents or anyone I did it on my own, which I was happy about. Then it took me like 3 months before I found my own apt. I never wanted roomates b/c I love my space. So it took me about six month to get settled from when I first moved.
My parents randomly called me and told me hey your sister is going to move to la with you( at the time my sister, two years younger had gone to school at loyola new orlenes after the hurrican katrina she moved back to houston, where i’m originally from, to continue school) They never asked me, it was just basically she was on a plane. I was not exactly thrilled but i made the best of it. Mind you I lived in a 1 bedroom. I paid for everything b/c my sis needd to get settled. Fast forward to seh is working and I lost my job, and she doesnt help me pay rent. I can longer afford teh palce adn I beg for her help and she always makes excuses. I ask my parents to pay her half, they say theyw ill but never do. Years drag on and I struggle. My boyfriend helps me pay rent. I want to move, but i am worried where she will live and if i can get antoher apt ( at the time i was trying to still live on my own an dnot with my boyfriend) finally after being finaicially overwhled i decided i’m moving. I tell her 3 mnonth before. I am moving dec 1st I cannot afford this. I ask her if seh wants to try to keep the place ( the lease is in my name) she says no she will find a palce.
Fast forawrd to now I am moving Dec 1st and have I packed all her things, and she is angry at me b/c she has not yet found a place to stay. She asked me to cosign for an apartment she wanted for dec 1st, and I said no. I was so afriad of being fincially resonsible for her once again and having to pay b/c I do not trust her finaically. My mother calls me and was livis saing i’m leaving my sister int eh cold. (mind you know she is 24 and i am 26) I cannot belive my family is painitn me to be a bad guy. I have deicded to stay firm I am not cosigning for her. She is not even looking at other palces b/c she wants this one so bad. its krazy. Am i nuts? Mean? I have even stopped taking their calls for the time being b/c my mom and sister keep berating me and trying to convinnce me making me feel worse.
What do you ladies think about all this 🙁
Post # 3
Hey girl – sorry to hear about your family troubles. It is a lot harder, because she is your sister and not just someone who was not paying their rent. I would do what you are doing. Get my own place and tell her its time to grow up. You did it on your own and now she can. Good luck!!!
Post # 4
I don’t think you are nuts at all. From what you’ve said – your parents basically pawned her on you. If she can’t figure it out, she can always get on a plane and go back home. Taking care of her for this long is not your responsibility. I can understand how your parents want you to help her (if they didn’t know you’ve given her 3 months to figure it out) but this is ridiculous.
Take your mom’s calls and tell her she’s got to help your sister figure it out. State what you are and are not willing to do (clearly). Avoiding them (while I 100% understand) is not going to make it go away.
Post # 5
Don’t feel bad. You are doing your sister a big favor. She’s old enough to fend for herself and it’s time she learns how. Your parents failed her in this regard, and now they’re trying to pawn off their guilt on you. Just keep reminding yourself that it’s for her own good. You made it on your own, she can do it too.
Post # 6
Wow, I wouldn’t have let ANY of that happen in the first place! That is ridic! Your sister should either be living with your PARENTS or on HER OWN. It is not your responsibility to pay for her housing! UGH. Ok, so what would I do now? Hm.
Next time your parents call, I would answer. Tell them that they can find the money to put her on a plane back home to live with THEM, or she’ll be homeless. She had TWO YEARS to save up money to become financially independent. If she failed, not your problem. THEY pushed her on you, THEY caused the problem, THEY can fix it. If she doesn’t want to go home, then it is on HER or THEM to figure it out. YOU have your own life to live. She’s a big girl now, who never helped you when you needed it. Put that girl out on her @$$!
(This is the kind of crap someone in my circle just tried to pull, moving in with us without a job or a plan or a timeline for how long he would live with us. The conversation was pretty SHORT. No!)
Post # 7
I have two sisters and a mom that is famous for Irish guilt trips, so I sympathize. Don’t cosign – I think you know exactly what will happen. Your sis needs to go through her own struggles now to grow as a woman. When we constantly have a net under us, we don’t help ourselves. It’s clear that she expects things to just ‘work out’ for her by not really looking for a place and assuming that she’ll somehow get someone to cosign for the one she wants.
Let your parents know that you cannot cosign and you have no way of helping your sis and she cannot move in with you. Offer to your parents that you can help her look for a place that she can either afford or that your parents can pay for. A friend of mine had to finally tell her Dad that she cannot support her brother anymore as it is not her job, it’s his parents job. She also bailed him out of everything to the point where he didn’t even know how to be grateful for it since it was expectd and he actually screwed up his finances a lot because he just didn’t know how to take care of himself.
Good luck – please keep us updated.
Post # 8
i wouldnt let my sister move in with me for more than two weeks. This is completely insane!! You are totally justified. Why is ur family dumping her on you?
Post # 9
@marietaylor: She’s your sister, not your child. You are not responsible for her. The next time she or your parents give you a hard time for not taking care of her you can remind them that she and they left YOU in the cold when you needed a hand.
You are very, very smart not to co-sign for her. Don’t do it! If your parents are so concerned they can certainly co-sign for her. Your sister is a big girl and she can and should take care of herself. She’s had three months to find anothehr place – the fact that she’s sat around and now wants you to step in and rescue her is just ridiculous. At most you could offer to help her go look at other places with the firm understanding that you will NOT be a co-signer under any circumstances.
Good luck and don’t let your family make you feel responsible for this!
Post # 10
Wow. Be strong! It sounds like your sister needs to figure out how to take care of herself and your parents need to stop enabling her. It is not your obligation to endanger yourself financially – or emotionally – because your sister needs some help. If your sister needs a cosigner, could your parents do it? (I would recommend that you not sign.) Your parents need to help or not, but stop putting the pressure on you when you are trying to take care of yourself (without help, I might add!). It sounds like you are a strong person. You are not crazy!
Post # 11
I think you should add up every cent of rent that she should have paid you since she moved in and say “Sure I’ll cosign! No problem! As soon as you pay me back $XXXXX.”
I think you will be shocked at the total of how much you have spent on her. Let her, and your parents, know. It might be a real eye opener.
Post # 12
Please don’t feel bad, you are not in the wrong. Sometimes parents put too much responsibility on the eldest child instead of raising their own children. Stick by your decision, do not cosign the lease, and move out. If and only if you are able maybe you could help her look for an apartment somewhere in her price range. It may not be in a great location or close to her job, but ooh well at least she can afford it and you will not have to cosign a lease.
Post # 13
I agree with pp. From the sounds of it, you did not just leave her out in the cold. You gave her three full months of notice to get her act together and find a new apartment. I’m glad you stood your ground and did not cosign. I would not want to be on the hook with her for her place especially after the way she treated you and didn’t help out one bit when you lost your job and just continued to stay and mooch off you. She’s had it too easy, the only way she’ll learn to figure it out is when she has to, which she does now. It’ll be good for her.
Post # 14
If I were you, I’d turn this around on your Mom and tell her that SHE should cosign if she’s so concerned about your sisters living situation. You’ve done more than your share to help, you sacrificed personally and financially, basically gave up the life you worked so hard for. And you haven’t gotten anything in return adn your sister apparently never got on her feet which was the whole point. So put your foot down and tell them it’s time for you to live your own life without supporting your adult sister.
Post # 15
Your parents are her parents, not you. Next time your mum calls tell her to co-sign.
Get on with your life. You can’t be looking after those who won’t look after themselves. You’ll end up ruined.
If she stands on her own two feet then she’ll grow and succeed. And if not, then your parents might finally have some sympathy for you.
Post # 16
Thanks ladies!!! Glad to know I’m not compeletely insane here. I really apreciate it!!! The move has been very diffult it will be all done this Sunday. I’ve moved all her things myself b/c she hasn’t wanted to help. My mom isnt speaking to me anymore. She was compeltely MIA for thanksgiving. Hopefully my sis will grow up and this will blow over. Dont worry I am not caving at all!! No cosigning for me 🙂