(Closed) Sister drama + baby showers – Venting

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

Girlfriend, I just HAD to post in this thread because my sister is EXACTLY the same way.

I got engaged, and she got herself pregnant by a guy she barely knew and then proceeded to tell me and my entire family what a waste of money and time weddings are and how babies are the most important in life.

She just recently heard I’m TTC I must assume through family (Mom) and now TXTs me every day asking if I have my period yet, because once she found our I was trying SHE proclaimed that SHE is trying again for baby 2 now too. I know I shouldn’t feel upset by that cause life is what it is and people shouldn’t have children around others time tables its  just that she makes everything feel like some type of competition for attention.

It makes me so incredibly sad, as I truly try not to feed into this kind of behavior.  I totally empathize with you and my biggest nightmare about finally getting pregnant isn’t even labor, its the baby shower.  I know my sister will be a complete nightmare during it and will compare hers to mine and how she didn’t get as much love/support or something insane.

My heart goes out to you. You dont’ need this stress during your pregnancy!

Post # 4
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Gah, could we just retire the phrase ‘steal my thunder’ already?

I would reiterate to sister that the friends are not trying to bask in her glory (didn’t even know there was glory to bask in as far as planning a baby shower for your sister but whatever), but that it can be a big (and expensive, from what I see around these boards) job and they just want to help-she can still be in charge.

I couldn’t tell from your last paragraph- are you okay with separate showers, or are you trying to avoid that? If you only want one shower and your sister is determined to host alone, then you are kind of stuck if you want to avoid conflict. When were you thinking of having it? Are you worried your sister will drop the ball completely, or you know she’ll get it done it just won’t be as much fun? If you do end up allowing sister to take the reins alone, you can still have a celebration with your friends if you want. Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Have you said anything to her? Like, called her out for acting like this?? Maybe if you actually said something to her, she would realize how its perceived. Something like, “I know you want to throw me a baby shower, but I feel like the only reason you are doing it is because you want the attention.” And see what she says

Post # 7
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@BabyBoecksMom: “As always, if there is the slightest bit of attention on me, she tries to turn it around to her.”

Do we have the same sister?! Wink

Post # 9
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Oh, well I am sorry. I really dont’ know how to handle this kind of situation, because our families are not like that, we are all one big happy (slightly disfunctional) family.

Ok, I know this really probably wouldn’t do anything, but I wonder if finding a movie or somethign where there is this kind of dynamic and sitting down with her and watching it, and then asking her what she thinks about it. Or videotaping her and showing her how she acts. As crazy as it seems, maybe she doesnt’ realize how she comes off?? But I guess that wouldn’t work if you are the only one who sees it as a problem. 

I really do not understand families that put up with this kind of behavior.  Sorry, I’m no help ((HUGS))

Post # 10
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Uggg! What a tough situation! I would just let her know that you have decided to have two showers, so that you can really focus your attention on your guests. Your sister could probably plan the “family” shower, and your friends could plan the “Friend” shower. I would just tell your sister that you would like her to plan your main shower, and that your friend might throw a get together later. That way your sister feels like she is throwing “THE” shower.

 

Post # 11
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@BabyBoecksMom: yeah, hopefully it will work!! I know I used to “get an attitude” a lot, not realizing it, until someone showed me how I looked to everyone else. I had no idea that’s how I was perceived!!! Made me change my ways quick

Post # 12
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

@Baby Boecks  I feel the same about my husbands family too!  I am the oldest of 3 girls who literally are at one anothers throats constantly.  My baby sister and I get along fine.  Its just the middle one who causes drama with both of us and well… everyone.  My husband and his brothers are like best buddies though! They don’t spend tons of time with one another but when they do its always warm and fuzzy!

Worst part in my situation is my parents (divorced) and step parents all placate her so not to have to deal with her either.  The result is this giant monster of a person who just thinks she can say/do whatever she wants and when she falls down or fails my parents just pick up the pieces financially and emotionally for her so not to have any guilt on their conciences.

Tough situation.  I’d probably just say to her “This day is about my unborn child and my friends would like to participate.  If you can’t handle people wanting to help financially, and in general with this event than I don’t know what to say to you”

 

Post # 14
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

@nskillet:  Hey, is your sister my FCIL!?  Lmao!  I got engaged, FCIL got engaged. She had her wedding before mine.  Then, now that people are starting to focus on my engagement and her wedding thunder is over, she has announced she will start TTC in December.

Post # 15
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

@HopingToBeaMama:  That’s a great idea.  That’s what we did.  My friend and my husband’s cousin both wanted to throw a baby shower.  It was important to me (and ultimately to my husband) that we have a co-ed shower, and with all of our family and friends, we would have been looking at a shower with 50+ people.  So, we had one shower one weekend for families, and another shower the next weekend for friends.  It was the best of both possible worlds.

@BabyBoecksMom:  Good luck!  I’m sorry your sister is giving you grief.

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