(Closed) Sister drama is she selfish or I’m a Bridezilla

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012




Seriously though,

It does sound like your sister has a touch of the green eye monster.  She sounds a little jealous, like she wishes she was organising her wedding, not yours.  it’s such a shame that some women get catty like that, instead of sharing in the joy.  Is there a small part of your wedding that you could give her input too so that she doesn’t feel so pushed aside?

I can totally understand your frustration, especially when she is getting so overly critical of major compontent of the wedding such as the dress.  That is being a bit harsh.  Sometimes a person should smile and nod and keep any dissaproving remarks in their head, and that is one of them.

I hope she settles down for you lovely!!

Post # 5
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I agree with the previous post.  Your sister may be jealous of the fact that you are getting married, and it trying to take over the wedding and planning the wedding she would have with no regard for your issues.  Weddings have a way of bringing out the best and worst in people, especially during the planning stages.  My advice is to keep it cordial with her for now, and after the wedding and honeymoon, sit down and talk to her about it.  Hopefully the wedding planning fog would have cleared and the issue can be discussed rationally. If not, you know her limitations and how far to go with her in the future.  Good Luck!

Post # 6
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Your sis is jealous.  Plain and simple.  

Accept her offer to do your shower and simply be in the wedding party.  Her version of helping has not been help to you.  It has been a stressor. You don’t need that. Have others help you with the wedding planning.  And… if later on she changes her mind and decides she wants to help, tell her the kind of help you actually find helpful which is the only kind of help you are willing to accept.  (Of course, tell her in a nice way.)  DO NOT BEG HER TO DO ANYTHING!  Her refusing to do more is your blessing in disguise!

Post # 8
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Garden

I have to disagree. I don’t think she’s jealous and unless there have been other indicators you haven’t told us about I wouldn’t settle for the “jealousy” explanation.

She obviously has a few ideas about what the “perfect wedding” is, and can’t see your vision. I think there’s definitely an element of selfishness there on her part but she obviously can’t see it.

I get the impression from your post that you two aren’t communicating very well. It seems to be a lot about how you each think the other person is thinking/feeling, and not so much about you communicating your own thoughts/feelings to each other.

Instead of rehashing what’s been going on, you might try sitting down with her and letting her know that you don’t think you’ve really been on the same page with your wedding. Let her know that you are feeling really overwhelmed, because of the stress of the whole affair of putting a wedding together and not just because of her input. Let her know that her ideas are fantastic and one day you’ll be more than happy to help her with her dream wedding, but that you have a vision that you’re trying to pull together and try to get her to see your side. Try not to talk about her or what she thinks or says and feels. Just talk about how you want things to be.

You should be enjoying this planning time. I have three sisters and I know that they can get to you more than anything. But this is probably the closest she’s been to planning a wedding and is going a bit bridezilla herself. She probably feels really rejected. If you talk to her and she still wants to help out, try giving her specific things to work on and make sure she really understands what you want.

Again, I don’t get the impression that she’s jealous. Just a bit over-zealous.

Post # 9
13 posts
  • Wedding: May 2013

I know this is a bit late of a reply, and it looks like you have about a month to your wedding, but this looks (as LadyEvar said) like a classic case of “sisterly miscommunication.” Your sister might be jealous, for sure (the “spoiled” comment is quite a tell), but she also seems to be caring. She’s suggesting things, taking her own time to research, etc. YOU view it as her trying to micromanage, but from my perspective, it looks like her trying to help… you guys just have very different visions.

Even though, again, this might be a bit late in the game… I think you need to have a heart to heart with your sister. You sound equally aggressive/inflammatory in the relationship (which happens; your sisters… I’m in a similar boat my self. For some reasons, no one ever quite gets under your skin like sisters). I think you need to take a step back, and ANYTIME you find yourself gearing up to argue, or just feeling angry, ask yourself exactly why. Do you feel angry because you think she’s forcing her vision? Listen to what she’s saying/doing; you might realize, “Oh, she’s just trying to help.” Angry because you think she’s insulting your dress? Take a step back and think, “This might be her way of trying to make sure YOU don’t get scammed, and that YOU look good in the dress,” but you might be too busy being offended to notice… and she might be too embarassed to to be “nice,” and it comes across in a more “sister” way.

Post # 10
13010 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m undecided on this.  It sounds like she has been trying to be involved, and somehow, whether is through tone, interpretation, or follow-through, it gets misinterpreted and lost in translation.  Her pointing out spots on the dress could have been her way of trying to help make sure you look the best, and you were sensitive about it.  But she does also seem jealous in some of the comments as well.  So, I guess I don’t know what to think…

ETA: Totally just realized this was several months old, sorry!

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