Post # 1
Background : back in June my sister only agreed to go to my bach party if her friend could come so I agreed. At the party she ditched me and my friends for most of the weekend to hang out with her girlfriend and we all caught her kissing a guy(she’s married) not exactly what I had planned for the weekend. But honestLy I felt more hurt that all she wanted to do hang with her friend then me( I haven’t seen her in 2 years as I live overseas)then her indiscretion with the guy. After we got home (mid June) she didn’t talk to me at all until July 7th when she found out I told my brother about the Bach trip and texted me saying I could find another bridesmaid she didn’t need to spend the money anyways and that she was done with me along with some more of the meanest things you could say to your sister. After a week of not hearing from her I asked a friend to stand in for her( 3 weeks before the wedding). I did get a text from her a couple weeks ago saying she was sorry for what she said and if what she did on the trip made me uncomfortable but it was none of my business … That is word for word. She didnt say anything about the wedding or that she would still like to be A part of it and that is the only communication we have had Until this Monday ( our wedding is aug 9th) when She texted telling me to drop off her Bridesmaid or Best Man dress I had to pay for and pick up at the tailors (Since they hadn’t heard from her) I told her I was sorry and that I wasn’t trying to upset her but I had asked a friend to fill in and I honestly did not think she wanted to participate in the bridal party also said that I still wanted her there with the kids and husband . She said she would not be coming and would find something else to do that weekend. Now I have her “best” friend texting me gettig involved andsaying she can’t believe I would replace my own sister without warning and that I have broken her heart and she is so upset. I’d like to add that since the Bach party I have cried pretty much everyday because I am so upset how she has treated me . Also my mom came to te bach party as well and my sister has not spokeN To her either since we got back. I love my sister and want her to be there but am I being cold hearted telling her to come as a guest? I know she is family but at what point do I say what’s going to make it the best day for me and my fiancée ? Anyone have a similar experience ??
Post # 2
Bride2b742: My biggest question is how often do you reach out to her? Many times in your post, you mention that you hadn’t heard from your sister for an extended amount of time, but it seems like (just by reading your post) that she is always the one reaching out to you. I’m not taking your sister’s side but I just think it’s interesting that she always seems to be the one initiating communication.
My other question is what did you say to her when she said she told you she wasn’t going to be in your wedding anymore? I get that you’re upset (I would be too), but did you even try and talk to her? If you reached out to her while this was happening, then no, I don’t think you are being cold hearted by telling her to come as a guest. I say this mostly because you already asked someone else to replace her. That said, if I were in your place, I definitely would have tried to talk to my sister before replacing her. Honestly, even after all is said and done, I would probably still want my sister there as a bridesmaid even if she’s wearing a different dress.
Post # 3
I think you’ve hit the point where you ask your sister to attend as a guest. You’ve been polite and patient, done everything you can, maybe your mother can speak to her about attending and not causing any drama.
I feel like she’s worried you/your mother/your brother is going to tell her husband about what she did. And all her crazy behaviour stems from that. Even though you love your sister, you don`t need to be caught up in her drama at your own wedding.
Post # 4
citysparkle: Hi just to address your questions after she sent the text about not wanting to be in the wedding I was yes very upset but tried to stay calm and said that if she wanted to sit down and talk about it and what that would mean I would be here. I have reached out twice more to her in july to get togheter but with no luck.
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2014 - Lacuna Artist Lofts
I think that by letting her back in, you’re asking for more trouble. Re-extend that you want her at the wedding, if you do, but I wouldn’t put her back in the wedding party.
Post # 6
Your sister is a trouble waiting to happen. Do not have her as bridesmaid — just don’t do it. Do not give into the guilt.
You’re not being cold hearted by telling her to come as a guest, you’re being smart.
You don’t need a troublemaker getting ready with you and standing next to you during the ceremony. All that will do is provide her with plenty of opportunities to cause problems and provide you with unnecessary stress.
If she wants to attend, she can do so as a guest. She’s shown that she is not reliable enough to be a bridesmaid.
Post # 7
It says a lot that she told the story to someone else and then got them to try and guilt you. It also sounds like they don’t know the whole story.
I know she’s your sister and I would be really upset about this situation too but I somehow doubt this is the first time she’s been nothing but drama. Is this the first time anything like this has happened?
Not only with your wedding day, but with your whole life, I think you should remember that you can only do so much. You can only control your actions, not others’ reactions. You’ve tried to get together with her to discuss this and you went by what she said when she texted you that she would no longer be in the wedding. You’re not a mind reader.
You’re not a bad person if you don’t include your sister in your wedding. Sending lots of good wishes your way.
Post # 8
misskshoe: Hi w/o going into all the details no this is not the first drama filled experience my family has had with her there is definitely a pattern that does get frustrating. Thanks for the nice words !
Post # 9
Bride2b742: aw im so sorry.
Some people are just toxic like this and its hard for them to see the big picture, they can only see things that affect them. Also seems like she is one to turn a lot of unrelated situations into situtions about her? Honestly, you cant do anything to please these types of people.
Even if you let her back in, she will either refuse because it is a “pitty invite” or she will make YOUR day about her.
I personally dont think you should let her back in, you did everything in your power, the outcome of this situation is now her fault. BUT you have to ask yourself, in 10, 15, 20 years will you regret not having your sister stand up there with you? Or possibly not there at all?
And is having her there worth the stress of trying to please her all day?
Post # 10
I agree with leisha606 you should consider about how you’ll feel in the future about not having your sister there on your wedding day. I would, if I was you, try and arrange to meet up with her and clear the air. Tell her that she’s still invited to the wedding and that you would like her to be there. Remind her that you had tried to contact her a few times before reluctantly asking someone else to stand in for her and that now it’s unfortunately too late for her to be a bridesmaid because the dress has been tailored for another girl and it’s too late to get another dress.
You mentioned that your sister has kids, perhaps you could offer her daughter to be a bridesmaid or her son to be a pageboy as a compromise? That way her family is involved even if she directly isnt.
‘cos the worst thing would be getting ready to walk down the aisle and her nudging you asking if you told anyone about what happened at you bachorlette party…