Sister Engaged, doesn't want me to get engaged until after her wedding

posted 8 months ago in Family
Post # 16
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Your sister is being a selfish bridezilla. Your engagement isn’t about her and it would be really sad if she couldn’t find it in herself to be happy for you. People are capable of being happy about more than one thing at a time. 

Post # 17
1917 posts
Buzzing bee

Your sister might have a right to be upset if you announced your engagement on her wedding day, but to tell you that you can’t get engaged in the whole 10 months before that?!!!  That takes ‘entitled brat’ status to a whole new level.  

Go ahead and get engaged as soon as you want.

Post # 18
249 posts
Helper bee

There is no proverbial spotlight to steal here. Your sister is being entirely unreasonable. She gets a day in November and that’s it. She does not get to monopolize an entire year for a wedding. The only obligation you have to her at this time is to not get engaged at her wedding and to not choose the same date as her for your wedding. Families happily celebrate more than one marriage per year and your family isn’t the exception here. You have three options going forward: 1) get engaged (you don’t need her approval), 2) start planning your wedding now and use the proposal as a formality after her wedding, or 3) wait until after her wedding to get engaged. Don’t go for option 3. 

Post # 19
825 posts
Busy bee

Your sister is being nuts. I think it’s fair to ask that family members don’t have their actual wedding too close to yours since it can cause logistics issues for guests, but you can’t block off whole years for engagement. 

And your wedding would be at least 7-8 months after theirs!! There wouldn’t even be any overlap in the pre-parties or the bulk of the planning. 

I have two cousins (brothers) that are engaged right now. They may even be having both weddings in the same summer. My husband’s sister and his very close cousin were also both engaged at the same time as my husband and I. It honestly didn’t even OCCUR to us that it affected our wedding in any way. 


Post # 20
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Sheesh! I agree with everyone saying your sister is being hugely selfish and completely out of line. My sister and I got engaged within a day of one another, on the same trip. She got married 3 months before we did. And no one cared, it was fine!! It was exciting for us to have two weddings in the family at the same time. 

Like others have said, if you really want to, you can start planning early and wait to formally get engaged after, but I don’t think you should feel obligated. Maybe you or your partner wanted to get engaged sometime other than winter? Or maybe he had something special in mind sooner! You guys shouldn’t have to tiptoe around your sister with this and build your life when she says it’s ok. I agree with others that next it will be “don’t get pregnant at xyz time” or “don’t go on a luxury vacation at the same time as us” I mean… wtf? She sounds like the kind of person that would purposely try to be pregnant during your wedding just to get the “spotlight” back on her. (I’m not saying people shouldn’t be pregnant during other people’s weddings btw, just that it shouldn’t be done for attention or upstaging others).

Post # 21
191 posts
Blushing bee

Your sister is being selfish. Life for anyone else shouldn’t stop because she says so. I have two sisters and if either one of them pulled this crap I probably wouldn’t bother with them anymore. She should be happy for you. Just because she is older doesn’t mean she gets to get married first. She should understand that after high school life happens on everyone’s own individual timeline. Get engaged when you want and get married when you want, I wouldn’t even consider when your sis gets married be a factor in you and your boyfriends decisions. 

If she is a mature healthy functioning person she will be happy for you. If she isn’t well that is her problem to deal with. 

Post # 22
2735 posts
Sugar bee

Sorry, but it  is  bitch move on  her part. I know a set of twins :one got engaged last year in Feb. and her sister got engaged  in March.  No hard feelings there.

Post # 23
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

My gosh… you tell your sister to get a grip and then live your life on your own terms. Bam.

Post # 24
7223 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
@esellers31:  Your sister is being extraordinarily selfish. Do not put your life or your forward momentum on hold for ANYONE – and especially not selfish people who are hella out of line.

Long story short. Fuck her. Who cares what she wants.

Post # 25
1897 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - California

Is this the only time your sister has been really unreasonable? It makes me wonder if this is part of a larger pattern with her, but in any event you should get engaged whenever you and your fiancé decide to.  A bride gets one day — her wedding day. That’s it. It’s not like you’re planning to get engaged on her wedding day for goodness sakes. She doesn’t get all of the months before to block other people in her family from getting engaged. That’s ridiculous. I guarantee she knows she is being ridiculous but is nevertheless expecting you to bend to her demands. It’s pretty childish behavior and I don’t think you should oblige, especially if this is part of a larger pattern with her, but really regardless of that. Hopefully someone can talk some sense into her. 

Post # 26
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 1996

Wow, if this is how she always is, I feel kinda sorry for her fiance!

Post # 27
39 posts

After what a disaster 2020 was surely the more celebration in 2021 the better? I don’t know, I have an older sister too and if she said something like that to me there is no way I’d listen to her. I’m already engaged and she’s still single but I wouldn’t wait for her to settle down before I decide I can! it’s not the younger siblings job to put their lives on hold. I’m sorry but I’m getting bridezilla vibes. 

Post # 28
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2022

What does your boyfriend have to say about this?? Are you going to always expect him as your husband to come 2nd to your big sis?? Thats no way to start a marriage. Your sis will get over her bridezilla ways. Do not put your life on hold one bit. We had enough stand still due to pandemic.

Post # 29
803 posts
Busy bee

Obviously she is out of line but if it were me I would just get engaged now and tell her after her wedding. If she finds out you kept this secret from her and gets upset about it then it’s on her for trying to manipulate and guilt you into delaying your engagement. Perhaps two wrongs don’t make a right but honestly, who cares… 

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