Sister Engaged, doesn't want me to get engaged until after her wedding

posted 8 months ago in Family
Post # 46
Member
720 posts
Busy bee

agree with PPs. Just chimed in to say that the past year has really, really sucked. Don’t delay happiness. 

Post # 47
Member
576 posts
Busy bee

This is my sister in law. Absolutely ridiculous. This is your life. 

Post # 48
Member
475 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2021 - Boulder, Colorado

If she’s angry the whole time then she is ruining it for everyone, not you.

SO and I both have people like this in our families. If you give them an inch, they will take a mile. If you let them dictate one thing, they will try to dictate everything and blame you for everything they don’t want or like. We had to draw boundaries to let them know they have no control over us in any way.

Post # 49
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2021 - Glacier National Park-Montana

I say get married this year before her.  If she’s gonna be mad regardless, do it up right!  Hehe

 You have every right to be engaged or married anytime you want. My sisters got married within months of eachother and it was great!  This is an engagement.  She should be happy for you and not worried about thunder stealing.  Tell her she can’t get pregnant until after your wedding!

 

Post # 50
Member
4577 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
@esellers31:  your dilemma is not that unique – this situation comes up all the time on WB. You’re just getting unanimous opinions (rare!) because your sister is so damn wrong. Don’t put your happiness on hold because your family has always let her get away with her poor behavior.

Post # 51
Member
2036 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Bahahaha try announcing your pregnancy three months before your sister’s wedding XD 

Post # 52
Member
846 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@esellers31:  So it sounds like your sister is used to getting her way and steamrolling the whole family with her unreasonable demands? 

Don’t give up your major life plans to play the peacekeeper here bee. You don’t have to turn it into a blowout fight, but you don’t have to enable her shitty behaviour either. Calmly and plainly explain your plans to her – don’t ask for her permission or approval and don’t apologize. It has nothing to do with her. 

She’ll likely throw a tantrum – because that’s what has worked for her with your family in the past. But like most tantrums, if she sees that you’re unbothered and that there’s no room for argument, she will get over it eventually.  No one in their right mind is going to back her up when she complains about it to them. 

Post # 53
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

 I would absolutely reconsider my relationship (and my respect) for someone who put an engagement to me as a lower priority than someone else’s ridiculous tantrum.   Stand up for yourself, your partner and your relationship.

Post # 55
Member
5722 posts
Bee Keeper

 Being afraid of confrontation is no way to go through life. Your sister is counting on your fear to keep you in line…behind her. And if you think this nonsense will end after she’s married, think again.

Post # 56
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
@esellers31:  Some mistakes are really plain in hindsight.  I believe even considering your sister’s tantrum is one of them.    Her tantrum is a whim.  Entertaining a 3rd person’s whim when you’re discussing fundamental, legal, financial (and maybe religious) commitments to your partner displays the kind of conflict resolution/ decision making habits that tend to get worse, not better. 

If your boyfriend had posted here that “his girlfriend doesn’t want to get engaged because her sister might get mad”, the advice from this board would be to slow down and rethink whether this is the kind of marriage he wants. 

I encourage you to rethink whether this is the kind of partner you want to be. 

Post # 58
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@esellers31:  Only you and your partner have the power to allow your engagement to be ruined by her anger. 

Post # 59
Member
11 posts
Newbee

View original reply
@esellers31:  “I love my sister and want her to be as happy as possible. I was so excited that she got engaged to her boyfriend because I knew she had been waiting for that”. You were very considerate to delay your engagement for your sister thus far. However, she doesn’t seem to show the same concern for your happiness, and she doesn’t consider that you have also been waiting.

You should put yourself and your partner first in this situation. If your sister chooses to be angry about your engagement, when she SHOULD be happy for you, then she is pretty selfish. The world doesn’t revolve around her and you have every right to plan your life on your own timeline. 

Post # 60
Member
1679 posts
Bumble bee

Your sister sounds problematic. Ideally you should live by your own wants and needs but it seems like her (unwarranted) anger is too much of a factor for you. It’s your call xo

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