(Closed) Sister engaged….and whens the big day…

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 35
8029 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Your sister sucks.  It is uncalled for- I don’t know what the “right” amount of time space is but I know 2 weeks is not sufficient.  RUDE.

Post # 36
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Well, there IS a brightside… sorta.  If you’ve sent you the STD’s and/or the invites BEFORE her, it would be reasonable that the people would RSVP YOUR wedding first.  

Which would mean they could be really rude and decline later, go to both, or decline hers and just wish her congratulations at YOUR wedding.  (I’m hoping the guests RSVP yours and ignore HERS… 🙂 )

Sounds like she’s doing this just so she can be “first”.  So, so sorry you’ve gotta deal with this! 

Hope it works out and someone can talk (or knock) some sense into her! (Might I suggest a large club? 😉 )

Post # 37
3373 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would be really upset at your sister!! Especially if you have out of town guests who’ll probably have to choose between the two. It’s hard financially on all your joint guests too!

Post # 38
3009 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Pretty shitty.  I know someone else who is in a similar situation.  He got engaged a year or so before his sister.  Then she gets engaged and plans the wedding close to his wedding date.  I’m sorry, but it’s uncalled for.  Anyone who supports her decision is being unfair as well.  I wish you the best of luck though.  I can only imagine how hectic it’ll end up being.

Post # 39
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I normally would say that it doesn’t matter if someone gets married before someone else, but come on!  She’s your MOH?!  And as a Maid/Matron of Honor she decided to have her own wedding two weeks before yours, and plan it within 3 months?! She sounds crazy.

Post # 40
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wow, I am just amazed she would even consider it, let alone do it. That would definately cramp my style, my parents would probably insist she cange her date if I had a sister who did that (and vice-versa). If she is planning in that short of time she is going to have to make a lot of sacrafices.

Post # 41
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Well dang. I would agree with the other people here. While yes you only get one day, having your SISTER get married 2 weeks before would suck. Since youre related a large number of the family guests would overlap. I would try talking to your sister once she gets back and to your family about it. If it were a cousin or something, okay, but youre siblings. That is just not fair to the rest of your family, your poor parents! 

Post # 42
20 posts
  • Wedding: September 2011

I am in almost the exact same position as you, so I totally feel your pain. I got engaged back in Nov, Fiance and I have been together for 4 years. We set the date, booked the venue, shortly after, and I asked my sister to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. About a month ago she texts me saying she hopes I’m not mad, but she’s engaged and getting married two months before me with her boyfriend of about 6 months. They will only have been together for about a year when they get married this July. Oh and not to mention this is her 3rd engagement total, and 2nd since Fiance and I have been together. She should have done the right thing and let me have my moment, but she just couldn’t stand that I was getting married first. If the tables were turned she would not even be talking to me right now, thats just how she is. Plus I think she’s crazy for marrying this guy so soon considering her history with men. I just hope things work out for her and she doesn’t regret this.

Post # 43
7 posts
  • Wedding: August 2011

I know JUST how you feel, My sister got engaged about 6 months after I did, and she decided that the date I had picked was the day she wanted to get married, well as one would guess I protested A LOT… but being the baby of the family everyone sided with her. she wound up picking a date 3 weeks before mine. I was SO mad. Then to top it all off my mom (I love her but she is THE cheapest woman alive) decided I needed to change my colors so that we could share more things at the wedding and even went as far as to suggest that I reuse the uneaten potion of my sisters cake… thus far I’m unimpressed with my family support. We ended up pushing our date back to avoid all the hassle.

Post # 44
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

You poor thing. I’m annoyed that 2 of my cousins decided to get married in the same summer as I am (one 2 weeks before, but we got engaged and set dates about the same time- it wasn’t intentional), although I don’t care that much because we aren’t super close and our personalities are way different so they wont bleed together, but this is your SISTER and she got engaged WAY after you set your date. Give us an update please!

Post # 45
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’m not engaged and neither is my sister…but this kind of crap, simply put, would not fly! It just screams disrespect..not to mention an unjustified sense of entitlement. You HAVE to confront her! I know how sisters can be sometimes, but this is just over the line!

PS… please update! 😛

Post # 46
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

That is total BS! I would be livid. 

I really think there should at least be a full month between weddings. If you have out of towners, there is no way they’d come to both. And I’d figure your wedding would be the one with the short end of the stick because it’s second. 

Honestly, I’m pissed for you and I don’t even know you! Tell her she’s being selfish. And a poo head. Hmph.

If this were my sister, I’d just communicate how incredibly selfish that would be. If she were to choose to ignore me, I would remove her from the wedding party. She is your sister, not some random friend.

She should care more about you.

Post # 47
2903 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@beeillinger: Yeah, my man’s brother got engaged a few weeks after us and then got married in 2 months. It still stings. It’s one of those things where you are expected to brush it off and not make a scene, but that doesn’t mean it won’t hurt.


I think the thing that hurts is not that it’s two weeks before, I think the thing that hurts is they didn’t ask you or talk to you about it since they have the same family (at least the same half of the family).


In the end, it is hugely affecting the attendance at our wedding from his family–they all just came out for a wedding, so they don’t want to come out again. The new happy couple have said nothing still, and honestly I think they would never even realize they did anything that would have any effect on us.


I’m really sorry this is happening. From everything else you said, it doesn’t sound like she’ll understand if you talk to her. But us bees, we know what you’re going through.





Post # 48
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I know how you feel! We’ve been engaged for over a year and FH’s little brother got engaged a few months ago. He and his fiancé (one of my friends before she met him, actually) were planning on a summer 2012 wedding, while we’re doing October 2011. They called me in early February to say “oh btw, is it ok if we get married in July of this year instead?” What am I supposed to say? No? It wouldn’t have been so bad if it were early July, because nothing would overlap. But no, it was the last week in July. My shower was supposed to be the week before her wedding. So then they changed their date again to another week before (when my shower was supposed to be) and I had to push my shower date to the week after their wedding.


I’m more annoyed than anything. FH’s parents are livid because they screwed up their guest list and while the fiancé is getting 110 people invited on her side, FH’s parents get 30. That’s it. Instead of fixing it, they’re telling his parents to deal with it. Plus they keep complaining that they’re broke and can’t afford the people that they are already inviting, let alone anyone additional.


They moved their date because her sister is graduating from college in May 2012 and might be deployed afterwards. Might. If that was truly the concern, why not do April? Or a destination wedding in December (if they are concerned about the guest list)? 


While there are worse things in life, I think it’s just inconsiderate. We’ll get over it.


OP, what your sister is doing is wrong. Perhaps your parents can talk some sense into her?

Post # 49
39 posts
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@UpstateCait: I have to strongly disagree with this. I have never been the kind of person who believes that there can only be momentum for one wedding or event at a time. What if someone was having a baby and due during the weeks leading up to the big day? They should they be put on hold because births trump weddings?

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