(Closed) Sister engaged….and whens the big day…

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 47
Member
2904 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@beeillinger: Yeah, my man’s brother got engaged a few weeks after us and then got married in 2 months. It still stings. It’s one of those things where you are expected to brush it off and not make a scene, but that doesn’t mean it won’t hurt.

 

I think the thing that hurts is not that it’s two weeks before, I think the thing that hurts is they didn’t ask you or talk to you about it since they have the same family (at least the same half of the family).

 

In the end, it is hugely affecting the attendance at our wedding from his family–they all just came out for a wedding, so they don’t want to come out again. The new happy couple have said nothing still, and honestly I think they would never even realize they did anything that would have any effect on us.

 

I’m really sorry this is happening. From everything else you said, it doesn’t sound like she’ll understand if you talk to her. But us bees, we know what you’re going through.

 

Sorry.

 

(((Hugs)))

Post # 48
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I know how you feel! We’ve been engaged for over a year and FH’s little brother got engaged a few months ago. He and his fiancé (one of my friends before she met him, actually) were planning on a summer 2012 wedding, while we’re doing October 2011. They called me in early February to say “oh btw, is it ok if we get married in July of this year instead?” What am I supposed to say? No? It wouldn’t have been so bad if it were early July, because nothing would overlap. But no, it was the last week in July. My shower was supposed to be the week before her wedding. So then they changed their date again to another week before (when my shower was supposed to be) and I had to push my shower date to the week after their wedding.

 

I’m more annoyed than anything. FH’s parents are livid because they screwed up their guest list and while the fiancé is getting 110 people invited on her side, FH’s parents get 30. That’s it. Instead of fixing it, they’re telling his parents to deal with it. Plus they keep complaining that they’re broke and can’t afford the people that they are already inviting, let alone anyone additional.

 

They moved their date because her sister is graduating from college in May 2012 and might be deployed afterwards. Might. If that was truly the concern, why not do April? Or a destination wedding in December (if they are concerned about the guest list)? 

 

While there are worse things in life, I think it’s just inconsiderate. We’ll get over it.

 

OP, what your sister is doing is wrong. Perhaps your parents can talk some sense into her?

Post # 49
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@UpstateCait: I have to strongly disagree with this. I have never been the kind of person who believes that there can only be momentum for one wedding or event at a time. What if someone was having a baby and due during the weeks leading up to the big day? They should they be put on hold because births trump weddings?

Post # 50
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@shimmerofheaven:  Personally, I think that that is a completely valid reason for them to move up their date. I would want my sister to be here for my wedding, especially if there was a chance she could be deployed if we waited. Have you always dreamed of a fall wedding? What would you think if someone said to you to have it in December or January? Just because your wedding was planned first, doesn’t allow you to say what months are appropriate and inappropriate for them to choose their date, especially when they have chosen July, a whole three months before your wedding.

I know we brides tend to become consumed by our own weddings and that’s almost expected, but we have to remember that we are not the first (and only at a time) women to ever plan a wedding and as such, we don’t hold monopolies on specific timeframes. On your day, you will be the only bride and vice versa.

Post # 51
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012
Post # 52
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

After reading more posts, I am really surprised that there are so many people who really look at weddings as a race, and furthermore, act as though their relationships are somehow more valid than other people’s because of the amount of time they’ve bee together. Listen, every relationship is different. Some people are ready to commit themselves after 3 years, for some it’s 3 months. Some people have different barriers and reasons as to why they wait, for others, there are reasons to not wait. No one needs to justify this to anyone. The amount of time dating doesn’t make one’s wedding more legal than the other. Granted, no one should rush into something they’re not ready for, but by the same token, we shouldn’t judge another person’s desire to have a wedding within a certain time frame simply because we have been dating our partner longer. It’s really petty and I wouldn’t want anyone at my wedding if they felt that way.

Some people don’t look at weddings as an opportunity to be the center of attention, or be a princess for a day, or impress everyone with our monogrammed napkin holders… Some people just want to get married and have a party with the people who matter most in their lives. For some people, this can be planned quickly and easily and again, it doesn’t make their wedding less special or meaningful than a wedding that took two years to coordinate.

Just another perspective.

Post # 53
Member
794 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Oh my goodness Im so sorry.  I would and have been just as pissed as you should be.  Fiance brother set his date two months before mine and I freaked! Thankfully he canceled his 😉  No one wants to go to two family weddings that close to eachother let alone two weeks!  That is just crazy!! I would have a talk with her or someone else in your family to try to get her to change the date out of consideration for you.

Post # 54
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

AS someone who had to wait almost 2 years to get married because my sister got engaged first and was taking forever to set a date, I have to sympathise a little with your sister. I really wanted to get married right away, I didn’t even want to have a year long engagement, 4-6 months would have been perfect. But my sister threw an absolute hissy fit and temper tantrum so I had to wait. To this day I’m still kind of sore about it, she should have only gotten one day but ended up getting her way and she actually got 1.5 years (I had to wait 6 months AFTER her wedding was over to finally get married).

But ultimately your sister is being inconsiderate to your family members since they will have to attend two showers and weddings back to back. I mean two weeks is kind of crazy, I wonder why it had to be that exact date.

Post # 55
Member
5653 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think it’s different when two members of an immediate family have wedding dates so close together. Not only is it hard on both couples, it puts stress on the family aswell. My FI’s sister was engaged before we were and I would have never chosen a date so close to her’s just out of common courtesy. I made sure my wedding was at least 2 months apart from her’s. I think your sister is being very inconsiderate.

Post # 56
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

View original reply
@Liss:@Liss: I never said it wasn’t a valid reason. I said that I’m annoyed, and I’m allowed to be. I was flexible; I moved my bridal shower so it wouldn’t interfere with her wedding. I didn’t think it was right to have my shower before her wedding.

 

I said that they’re being inconsiderate due to what they’re doing to his parents/family. They had a guest list (that they gave to me for our wedding) that had 85 people. His family told him that only 30 of the guests needed to receive STDs since they were out of towners. They took this as meaning that they didn’t have to invite anyone else. They aren’t trying to take responsibility for their (large) mistake – they’re telling his parents to deal with only having 30 people invited from his family while his fiancé is getting 110 invites for family and friends.

 

I never said that I was in a race to get married. I think their timing is a little off, but like I said in my previous post, we’ll get over it. It’s more what they’re doing to my future in-laws that really gets under my skin.

Post # 57
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

That is extremely inconsiderate of your sister.  Is there a reason she chose that date?  We’d all love an update!

Post # 58
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wow.  Kind of makes me glad that I don’t have a sister.  Are they really that competitive and petty?

But I totally understand you being upset.  It is extremely obnoxious that your sister planned her wedding right before yours.  As a woman, I can’t believe SHE’D want to share any of the spotlight with you, knowing that yours was already in the works.  But I’ve learned not to underestimate the selfishness of others.

I’ve been with my fiance for 6+ years.  We got engaged last summer.  At the time, a close friend was with her boyfriend for less than a year, but was already talking weddings, rings, blah blah blah.  I actually bet her $100 that she’d be engaged before me.  I did lose the bet, but that didn’t stop friend from pretty much planning her wedding before even having a ring.  She ended up booking her venue at the same location as me, for four weeks after my wedding.  Then actually got engaged some two weeks later.  I was livid.  I waited my whole life to get engaged and plan my wedding and it really bothered me that I had to share aspects of my special day with someone I thought was my friend.  Apparently it didn’t bother HER that she was copying me, but it upset me more that she didn’t even consider if it would bother ME.  I’ve gotten over it, since our weddings will be totally different, but it was eye-opening.

 

Post # 59
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would be beyond pissed!  Did you confront her?  She knows what she is doing. Selfish!

Post # 60
Member
2904 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
@Liss:I’m going to disagree with a  little bit of what you said. A wedding is not just one day for the immediate family, so having two weddings in the same family in close time frame is stressful on the family. This is even more pronounced when family is spread across the state/country/world.

 

Yes, the wedding day is the only day that’s “just ours” but my family will be busy with the planning for a while!

For a birth–the preparation is very different and doesn’t require the same kind of planning. It requires a LOT of planning (and mental preparation), but it won’t “interfere” with another event. We’re going to have 4 newborns at our wedding and I’m actually THRILLED–it’s an excuse to see all the new babies! And as the bride, I definitely get a chance to see them all. 😀

 

I just feel bad for the family. A lot of my man’s family can’t come because they already spent the money traveling to his brother’s wedding. It’s to the point where I almost want to postpone our wedding because having people there with us is the whole reason we want a wedding at all. We’ll see as the date gets closer what we do.

 

 

Anyway, this thread was started a month ago, so –what are the new developments? I hope there are some!

Post # 61
Member
10713 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I will cry if anyone does this to me… thats very unfair, I’m so sorry!

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