(Closed) Sister Gets Engaged on Eve of Wedding

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

At this point, I’d do nothing but say "Congratulations!" and leave it at that. The initial excitement of an engagement will wear off, and your wedding will take center stage. If, a month from now, there’s a ring purchased and plans made, it would be appropriate to mention it at some point, maybe at the rehearsal dinner — if you feel like it. If you don’t, then don’t. It’s your wedding and she’ll get her turn.

I don’t know that it’s stealing your thunder, especially since she’s calling people to tell them now instead of waiting to get the ring (which could happen right around the time of your wedding, you know?). Just play it cool and see how it plays out and in the meantime, try to be happy for her. Hopefully you like the guy, even though they seem to be taking things quickly?  

Post # 4
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • V
  • 10 years ago

are they pregnant?….I’m sure that with the timing that’s what everyone will think…once people start asking how long they’ve been together.

I don’t think she will steal your thunder…if anything…with the odd timing…and the short relationship…people might think SHE is acting needy and craving attention…obviously, not a good thing.

You can’t stop them from getting engaged and weddings bring the "romantic" in some people…try to let it go. 

Post # 5
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

You should talk to her about your concerns regarding the short amount of time she and her boyfriend have known each other, but be prepared that she will likely be very defensive.  Make sure she knows you are ONLY concerned about her well being. You can also encourage her to have a long engagement since they have dated for such a short time. 

 At your wedding, it is about you for that day.  There is no need to make a special fuss about her engagement.   Your sister will get to have her own celebrations for her engagement and wedding.   I don’t think there is anything wrong with also letting her know that you want your wedding day to be yours and your husbands.  Be careful not to come across as accussing her of anything; this can be a hard subject, especially between siblings.  While she should not hide her engagement, or not be allowed to talk about it at your wedding, hopefully she will be understanding and let it be your time to shine.

Good Luck.

Post # 6
Member
1379 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

First let me say – UGH!  That sucks! I am sorry!  You can scream and yell and be annoyed — at home, to yourself, to your fiance or to us!! 🙂 But you have to leave all that in private.

My advice is to be happy for her … you still have more then a month before your wedding, so hopefully the news will die down a bit.  I can imagineyou have a lot going on so focus on you.  Tell your sister how happy you are for her (even though I agree – three months is fast!) but that you really need her support as Maid/Matron of Honor for the next few weeks and as soon as you get back from your honeymoon you are moer then happy to help her start planning her own wedding. 

She could be trying to steal your thunder, or she could genuinely be in love … let’s go with the love and remember how excited you were when you got engaged. I’m with you that it stinks, and I would hate for that to happen, but at the same time I would be happy my sister was happy!

 

Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
1379 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Also,  if things are resolved and you are happy for her by the time of your wedding a really funny idea I saw at another wedding was the DJ asked all the couples who were recently engaged (there were 7 of them!!) to come to the dance floor and they played the song "Another One Bites the Dust" …. it was hysterical and the bride and groom quickly interrupted the song to say congratulations and they can’t wait to attend all of their weddings in the year to come. It was super cute and I plan to do it at my own!

Post # 8
Member
278 posts
Helper bee

You don’t want to harbor any negative feelings when your big day is coming up so soon.  I would congratulate her and leave your personal opinion about her engagement for maybe after the big day where you can sit down and talk to her about how you feel she’s rushing it a bit.

When she’s officially engaged, and ready to plan her own wedding..I’m sure all the advice you’ve given her will make a big difference.  Right now, she may be in wedding-happy mode to see you so excited for your day that it makes her want to be in that stage too.  A lot can happen int he time she’s engaged.  Maybe she is ready after all and maybe to them, time doesn’t measure what they feel for them.

 

Post # 9
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee

This reminds me of Friends when Rachel and Ross kiss before Monica & Chandler’s engagement dinner I think.  Monica thinks Rachel is stealing her thunder & vows to announce her pregnancy the day Rachel gets engaged…LOL

Post # 11
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

i got engaged after 3.5 months… and I knew my b/f at the time way better than I knew my ex. b/f that I dated for over 6 years. 

If you know it, you know it. 🙂

Say congrats and keep going with your life. 

 

Post # 11
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

i got engaged after 3.5 months… and I knew my b/f at the time way better than I knew my ex. b/f that I dated for over 6 years. 

If you know it, you know it. 🙂

Say congrats and keep going with your life. 

 

Post # 12
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Kind of an interesting situation but don’t let your sisters engagement bother you. Of course it totally ok to have the thoughts your having. Your in total wedding mode and your happy for your sister too, definitely make sure she is ready to make the commitment and let her know as soon as your wedding is over your all hers to help plan her wedding and all that good stuff. Don’t feel obligated to acknowledge this in your wedding you don’t have to. This time is your time and her time will be next. 

Post # 13
Member
6 posts
Newbee

I wanted to add my 2 cents as someone who got engaged 2 weeks before my fiance’s sister’s wedding.  I don’t know your sister but for us it had absolutley nothing to do with his sister getting married or stealing anyone’s thunder, it was just the right time for us.  Most people heard about it or saw the ring for the first time at the wedding, but I think my Future Sister-In-Law would agree that nothing took the attention away from her that day.  Other than the fact that getting engaged so fast is a bit concerning, I think getting engaged so close to your wedding should not be a big deal, life goes on for other people even as we plan our weddings.

Post # 14
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Some people *know* after a few months, and some people take years to get around to the idea.  We can point at the people who get engaged early as jumping the gun, and we can point at those who take years as commitment-phobic – the fact is, everybody has their own time table.  And as far as things like engagement or pregnancy go, I honestly believe that most of us are not thinking about everybody else. 

Darling Husband asked me to marry him three weeks after his father’s death, and two weeks after the memorial service.  I’m know for a fact that his sister thought it was terribly inappropriate – but he had it planned for over a month before that.  In his mind it was mostly tragic that his dad hadn’t lived to see it – so why put it off even longer? 

Our wedding was on the same day as my niece’s first birthday.  I suppose my sister could have thought of it as *stealing her thunder* but honestly it was just the best month for us, and it so happened that day was the only Saturday the venue was available that month.  (Of course I checked with her before I reserved it!)

If your sister and her boyfriend have decided to get engaged, I doubt it has anything to do with your wedding.  And she is doing the right thing by talking to you up front.  Would it be somehow more appropriate if they kept it a secret for a while?  If so, for how long?  I think it’s probably just a coincidence.  And sadly, as much as we brides believe we are the center of the universe, everybody else’s life goes on independently of our wedding.  I would just be happy for her.  Think how much more your wedding will mean to her now that she is looking forward to her own.  And you will have so much good advice to give!  As a good sister should.  It doesn’t take anything away from you for your sister to be happy and fortunate as well.

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