(Closed) Sister getting engaged, but not really..

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
5170 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Yes, you are. There is enough happiness to go around, not wanting her to get engaged right around the time you’re planning your wedding is ridiculous.

Post # 3
1668 posts
Bumble bee

Engagements are contagious. She’s living in a fantasy right now, younger siblings are always in competition with older siblings. When the fantasy gets too real for her 6month boyfriend they’ll break up. Just ignore her for now.

Post # 4
1197 posts
Bumble bee

tbh i could see myself feeling internally-irked about it bc i can be a little self-centered and petty… but obv other people’s lives keep going no matter what is happening in your life. 

Post # 5
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

View original reply
neonlumberjack :  her possibly getting engaged before you would probably annoy me too, but she honestly can’t control that. The part that’s crappy of her is that she always redirects your wedding talks to herself. I can completely understand where you’re coming from because I’ve been there with my BFF. Every time I discussed my future wedding before getting engaged, she would turn the conversation to herself and talk about how her engagement would be first and she would steal a bunch of my wedding ideas and act like they were her own. Now I’m engaged and almost married and she’s still not, which has made her jealous and not happy for me at all. I say talk to your sister about how she’s making you feel because you both want to be happy for each other regardless of who’s first to get a ring. Don’t let it get to the petty place my situation has. It’s sad and disappointing to not have all the happiness and support from the person you would expect it from most. 

Post # 6
57 posts
Worker bee

So, some people can be petty and in a perpetual state of competition. My advice is to enjoy your wedding planning, your future engagement and all of the fun that goes along with it. Be happy for your sister and indulge in as much wedding planning with her as you want, but realize she doesn’t have to be focused on you, just like you don’t have to focus on her. I have a dear friend who is similar and is planning her wedding. She seemed genuinely disinterested in the fact that I got engaged and only wanted to ensure I didn’t plan my wedding before hers. She is in her zone, and that’s fine. I’m not letting it bring me down, neither should you! 

Post # 7
9758 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Maybe she doesn’t truly believe you’re engaged or really going to get married so that’s why she’s dismissive of you? Since he hasn’t “formally proposed” and you don’t have a ring I bet she doesn’t take you seriously. 

Post # 8
3084 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
neonlumberjack :  Don’t talk to her about your plans. And if she gets engaged before you, be happy for her. Everybody should have the opportunity to be happy! But, I would keep your plans private until you’re officially engaged – that’s when people tend to get excited. Congrats!

Post # 9
634 posts
Busy bee

Your sister has a valid question; Are you just talking about getting married? I can see my family not taking wedding planning seriously if we weren’t actually engaged so i’m honestly not surprised.

It isn’t a competition though; I understand your feelings but I don’t think she is doing anything to spite you, she’s excited about getting engaged too and you need to be happy for her

Post # 10
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
slomotion :  this. And the reason you aren’t taking her seriously is because she too, does not have a ring. You’re both essentially doing the same thing 

Post # 11
547 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
neonlumberjack :  Your sister could use the exact same title that you have here to write a post about you. You said she is getting engaged, but not really. I think it is pretty bold statement from some one who is also not engaged yet.

There maybe a sibling rivalry issue at play here, and you may be right that there is attention seeking behavior, which sucks. But you are judging her for considering herself to be almost engaged, when you are in the same boat.

Post # 12
8378 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
neonlumberjack :  “When I asked if she was going to get engaged before me and my SO officially become engaged, she said, “We might”” — Yeah but why did you ask this? Sounds like you’re the one making it a competition. Or at best, you both are. You actually sound like two peas in a pods. Two self-absorbed not-really-engaged peas in a pod.

Post # 13
6300 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yes, you are being petty. My interpretation is that neither of you are engaged, so it’s all hypothetical at that point. To me being engaged doesn’t have to be a grand proposal, but it does have to be two people mutually agreeing that they are engaged. You yourself said that you weren’t engaged as he is still saving for a ring but you have your wedding “planned”. Well does that mean you actually have your wedding vendors booked and contracts signed or you just know “what you want”? There’s a huge difference between actually planning your wedding and just talking about what you want. 

Stop discussing it with your sister. It’s obvious you guys are just tit-for-tat. Your hypothetical engagement is no more “real” than hers simply because you’ve been together longer. 

Post # 14
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

You’re both being petty. Neither of you have an obligation to plan your wedding/engagement around the other, and neither of you have control over when your SO proposes. Since according to yourself you aren’t engaged yet, there is only so much talk of a non-engagement that you can expect her to put up with. 

Post # 15
7225 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

You both sound like you’re playing dress up, for the moment, imo. Until you’ve started laying down bread for deposits it’s all fantasies and make believe. Yours sounds farther along than hers and she might get a ring first but probably both of your parents are like “Ugh! The girls again. Do you think they’ll still be doing this in their 30s?”

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