(Closed) Sister getting married…how to avoid wedding jealousy

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Here’s how you deal with it.  There are lots of people who will always have more than you.  You can either be jealous of them and wallow in self pity for what you don’t have *OR* you can look at what you have and appreciate it because there are people out there who have less. 

Post # 4
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Bee2Bee2Bee: At least you didn’t have to depend on anyone to throw a wedding for you. You can feel better thinking that you had the wedding you wanted and you made it yours. 

Post # 5
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

it’s perfectly okay to be a little bit jealous, as long as you’re aware of how you’re feeling, which you obviously are. these feelings will pass with time. be happy for her, and be happy that you have your husband, not hers, which is so much better than money!

Post # 6
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with BanditGirl.  I am kind of like your sister.  My husbands family paid for a big beautiful wedding, and I am very thankful for that…there is no way my family could have afforded the wedding we had.  However, I also would have been happy with a quicky courthouse wedding because the most important thing to me was marrying my man and spending the rest of our lives together.  Also, you mention that the fmil is helping to plan the wedding and it is as much for her as it is for the couple.  This can have some pitfalls for your sister, just as future vacations and other offers of monetary items.  I’m not saying your sister’s fils are bad people, or have bad intentions…it is just my experience that when money is handed out in these ways there are sometimes some strings attached (often emotional ones).  Just remember, money and things don’t equal happiness!

Post # 7
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Like MzMarzipan said, it’s about the marriage, not the wedding.

I had a JoP wedding, thrown together in less than 10 minutes.  We went to City Hall to get the license, Darling Husband called the JoP and arranged a time and place for later that day, we called our immediate families and all met at the Falls.  I threw on my favorite outfit as did Darling Husband, we got the kids dressed in their favorite outfits and we ran into the supermarket for a tussy mussy (tiny bouquet) before meeting the JoP.  It was exactly what I wanted.  If I had the chance to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a single thing.  I wouldn’t get a fancy white dress, wouldn’t have a big party after.  I would do it exactly as I did the first time.  Why?  Because it wasn’t about the pomp and circumstance and extraneous stuff.  It was about committing ourselves to each other. 

We could’ve afforded and thrown a big traditional wedding but felt that, after 3 kids, it would’ve been terribly inappropriate. 

Post # 8
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with bandit girl, the truth may be harsh, but you just gotta learn to be content with what you have. I don’t think there’s any other way to deal with it. 

Post # 9
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

You can’t help your feelings but be reassured by knowing they may pass in time.  

Just think, 5 years from now you and your sister will both be in entirely different moods and places.  Think about what you want to stand for in this moment and try to stay true to that. 

Good luck hun!

Post # 10
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’m going to be super honest here: You need to get over it. This is going to be a recurring theme in your life. Her wedding will be more expensive. Her honeymoon will be more expensive. They’ll get better Christmas gifts. They’ll get better vacations. Their kids will have more. Their cars will be nicer. etc etc etc. 

My aunt has always treated my mom badly because she is jealous that my mom married into a nice family and always had more money that my aunt did. But what was my mom supposed to do? Not marry the guy she loves because she’d have more money than her sister? Pretend to be unhappy when she is around her? Their relationship is exhausting to watch. 

It sounds like your sister was great to you during your wedding planning, she deserves the same. 

Post # 11
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree with CorgiTales.  Don’t get me wrong, it will be hard but she was a great sister and friend to you for your wedding.  

You need to get over it all, it will not be easy i’m sure, but if they are getting nicer vacations & financial help, etc, then this isn’t going to go away.  Do you want the best for her as long as it’s not better then what your delt?  Or do you truely love and care about your sister and want the best for her always?

Post # 12
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I totally get where you are coming from, but you are going to be miserable if you keep feeling this way so this is a good opportunity to try to figure out how to deal with it. And I’m not saying I know how, but one way would be to stop looking at your sister and thinking “I deserve that too”.  It isn’t about who deserves  what. You married into different families and that’s just the way it is. As they get older they will hopefully start supporting themselves.

Post # 13
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with the other ladies, it’s about the marriage and not the wedding.  Another thing to think of is that – to me at least – some of the nicest weddings I’ve seen have been done on tiny budgets!  An unlimited budget doesn’t mean that things are going to be automatically better.  You said that you were happy with how your wedding came out.  Let it end there and just be happy for your sister with whatever she can come up with!!

Post # 14
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Your sister found a man who comes from a family who is well off.  You could’ve held out for a man with money instead of the man you married.  Don’t blame her for what you didn’t do.  If it’s money over substance, you do have options.  There are wealthy men out there … but do you want money or what you already have? 

If you want what you already have, then be happy and rejoice in it.  If you want money, then maybe it’s time to look elsewhere. 

 

Post # 15
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

You will probably feel much better once your sister starts venting to you about how she wants peonies for the center pieces but Future Mother-In-Law wants roses and won’t budge, or wants to wear a white MOG dress, or something along those lines.

If what you wrote here is true: “But the parents are going beyond just helping them out – the mom is very involved and is doing this wedding for herself as much as for the young couple.”
then it won’t be long until sister’s and FMIL’s expectations for the big day clash. Mark my words.

Did you consider that maybe your sister doesn’t even want those luxury purchases and vendors?

Post # 16
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

My only advice would be to take some time and realize how much you and your Darling Husband would able to accomplish on your own. While it would have been nice to have help from others, your wedding happened because of all your hard work. And as your life progresses every car, house, vacation will be because you earned it. And nooe can ever take that away from you.

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