(Closed) Sister help??? (Long)

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
50 posts
Worker bee

Awww big hug….

 You are put in a tough position…however, J seems to be making the situation worse, whereas E is trying to repair the relationship? (I hope i’m understanding this correctly)

You definitely shouldn’t apologize..you’re not in the wrong here and if anything, she should apologize to you! It’s your big day and if she is immature and puts up an attitude well, whatever….she needs to get over it and be there for her sister (you). Otherwise, as hard as it will be on you, you can’t compromise and go crawling to her. You have to stand firm.(i’ve been a pushover before too..i can understand)…maybe she just needs a breather from the family…..and unfortunately, if she can’t get her head together by the time of your wedding or with the preparations (if she’s in your wedding party) then that’s just too bad.

I’m glad you didn’t lose relationships with both your sisters.

Post # 4
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Family can be so much fun.  J sounds quite a lot like FI’s younger sister, except she’s 25 and just acts 15, throwing full-on tantrums and taking advantage of her parents.  We have noticed some improvements in the last 6 months, but there really isn’t any reasoning with her when she gets going.  Eventually, she cools down and things go back to the uneasy truce.

Good for your mother and for you for standing up to her emotional outburst.  While it’s very sad to think she may miss out on your wedding, it’s only going to enable further outbursts if you go back and apologize.  At least E sounds like she has a better head on her shoulders.  Hopefully, J will take a cue from E and come around.

Best of luck and stay strong!

Post # 5
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I hate to make this comparison, but it’s really true – you need to watch The Dog Whisperer.  Good behavior gets rewarded; bad behavior does not.  Your younger sister is trying to behave appropriately, and make up for what, in her case, is probably just imitation of the older sister – and obviously that should be rewarded.  The problem with treating the older sister similarly (for instance, inviting her to the birthday party and allowing her to be in the wedding) if she continues to behave badly is that you not only reward her bad behavior, but in the end the younger sister probably can’t help wondering why she’s trying so hard, if behaving badly gets you all the same benefits. 

The older sister clearly has some issues – skipping school, possibly not graduating, treating your mom badly, foul language – that may be indicative of other problems, and just hoping she will behave better in the future is probably not going to help.  People, like animals, have more incentive to change when they see some disadvantage to behaving badly.  But you should also urge your mom to try to get her some counseling – the school probably has a program, or can recommend one.

Post # 6
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Your seventeen year old sister sounds a little bit like my 21 year old sister.. but she’s grown out of it.  When she was 17, she was a hell raiser. 

  I think you should suck it up and apologize so she spends your day with you, after that… let her do what she wants.  I would feel terrible if my sister wasnt at my wedding.  Sometimes you just have to be the bigger person.  


   Where is your sister if she’s cut off ties?  She’s only 17… who is she living with?  If she is still with you rparents they should be able to deal with her.  The thing that helped us with my sister was she joined the marines- she was sent home after a month because she broke her shoulder.  She’s a whole new person, she realized what we meant to her and although she still sometimes gets that attitude it’s nothing compared to what it was.  

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