(Closed) sister in law.

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Post # 4
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think your Fiance should confront her.

Post # 5
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I completely agree.  Your Fiance needs to talk to her about this.  You don’t want her to come back and throw this in your face because as a future husband, it is his job to defend you.  I’m not saying that you can’t defend yourself, because I’m sure you can, but when it comes to this situation, he is the one that should say to her, “hey, what you said was out of line…blah blah blah”.

I’ve been through this kind of situation before.  My FI’s sister totally disrespected me, and talked a lot of trash about me before AND after she met me, with no grounds.  It finally took him saying somthing to her for her to break down and apologize- completely admitting that it was all from other deeper issues.  It sounds like his sister has some issues with him getting married, not necessarily with you, but this is the perfect situation for her to pick you apart.  Do you think that she feels like she’s being replaced, so that is why she is acting this way?? 

Bottom line- she cannot get away with talking about you like this.

Post # 6
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Man, I’d just quote the part where she said “I’ll be damned before I let any girl humiliate my brother” and be like, “Then stop humiliating him.”

But in all seriousness, she was WAY out of line.  Your Fiance needs to be the one to smooth things over and explain why you posted what you did and explain that she needs to apologize to you; anything you say, she’ll just twist.  

It can be hard to understand that a single mom wishing she had the support from her child’s father isn’t wishing for him to be back in her life.  She’s wishing she didn’t have to go it alone.  She’s wishing he had been a man for her child.  She’s wishing that he had to share some of the burden (children are a burden that’s worth it, but still a burden) instead of living footloose and fancy-free.  Some people who haven’t been in that situation just go, “But you’re so much better without him, why are you in love with him?”  They’re not being realistic and I think the way to approach it is to be glad for them that that life hasn’t forced them to understand yet.  

I hope your Fiance can make her understand what you were saying and that you need an apology from her.  I really hope she pulls through with one, and I’m so sorry you had to face a message like that, that really sucks.  Doesn’t she know that you obviously wouldn’t post a message indicating you were in love with your ex in a place where she could see it?  She’s being pretty stupid.

Post # 7
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

WOW. I took a minute to think on this, and here’s my assessment. In her head Future Sister-In-Law is in the right, and she believes that what she is doing is for the love of her brother (however misguided that is). For some reason, you have rubbed her the wrong way – because you have a kid? because she’s jealous? who knows? And she truly believes that she’s in the right and you are wrong. 

Be sure, that like the PP say, nothing that is done or said will make her realize how insane and inappropriate she’s being. Believe me, my mom is the same way, and the tone and language and attitude in FSIL’s email to you is exactly like something my mom would say. 

Best option is to have Fiance talk to her and do damage control for what it’s worth (although she will still find a way to paint you as the bad guy). If I were you, I would ignore the email and not respond yourself. 

Good luck, I’m so sorry. 

Post # 8
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i keep trying to figure out how she got her response from something along the lines of it would be nice if your ex stepped up as a father and actually help you by taking his daughter for a day or so when i really need it – a way over reaction on SIL’s part

going by her comments this has been brewing with her for a while so i guess you have been oversharing and shes starting to read way too much into your comments. yes you say she is a friend but she is also FI’s sister.

going forward what i would do is print the entire conversation off and get your Fiance to read it, ask him if he has any issues about your comments so you are both on the same page with SIL.  she needs to be told she is way off base but that has to come from both of you as a united front.  going forward i wouldnt harp on it – she loves her brother and she made a mistake, hopefully she will get back into her box and chill

Post # 9
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

“Dear [FSIL],

Wishing that the father of my daughter is involved in my daughter’s life only demonstrates that I am a good parent; in no way does it reflect upon [FI] or my love for him.  I appreciate that we both love Fiance and want what is best for him.  I have forwarded him your email so he personally address with you his feelings and assure you that he does not feel humiliated or disrespected, but only proud to be my Fiance.  I hope this does not come between us and we can continue to be friends.

Sincerely,

[Ashley]”

ETA: This is not helpful now, but this why I rarely post on facebook, and very little that is personal information.

Post # 10
Member
3102 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

i don’t think what you said was wrong, but i KIND of see where she went with her thinking. i’m def not saying she’s right or HAD that right to send you that email. i think she’s out of line, but i think this is a great example of why fb is dangerous. what’s the point of posting something like that publicly? why not email it? maybe it’s just me.

personally, i only use fb to share things i find funny/interesting and the occassional dog picture. anything personal gets an email or chat. no ranting or complaining or even “oh my Boyfriend or Best Friend is so perfect” or anything like that. keep it light in public places!!!

Post # 11
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I have to say she does kind of contradict a few statements…  she says that your daughter is not his responsibility…  arent you implying that when you say that you wish that her dad would step up and help???  She can’t have it both ways. 

Post # 13
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m really sorry you’re going through that, it’s really difficult.  I think that if she brings herself to apologize, you have a good chance be the bigger person by graciously accepting and saying “I know that you love your brother, but I love him too.  I know it might take you a long time to believe that, but I’m around for the long haul so I believe you’ll eventually believe me.  I really want to have a good relationship with you and look forward to the day when that’s possible,” or something like that.

It is really annoying that she didn’t use your daughter’s name…I’m sure she didn’t do it on purpose but I bet it made it easier for her to accuse you of things if she didn’t use your daughter’s name.

Post # 15
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I do not think what you posted is offensive, but I also think there may have been previous posts that we don’t know about that may have been interpreted incorrectly. I do think regardless she was completely out of line in what she said, but I feel like there may have been another trigger. If I were you, I would be hysterical for about 4 hours, cry, scream, and write many hateful letters (but not send them) and THEN I would calmly, and sincerely, write back telling her how you feel; if she thinks your Fiance deserves an apology, I would approach him and apologize because he may have said something to her that triggered this also; and I would make it clear to her that you have already apologized to him. I am so sorry that she said this to you and hurt you this way. I would be devastated.

Post # 16
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I posted that before I read your response. I am sooo happy to hear that you FH is on your side. It sounds like she just may be a crazy drama queen. I have someone in my family like that (stepmom)… It’s no fun!

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