(Closed) Sister In Law

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I have her as a bridesmaid?
    Yes : (12 votes)
    16 %
    Yes, I will explain why : (5 votes)
    6 %
    No : (56 votes)
    73 %
    No, I will explain why : (4 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 17
    Member
    21 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    You should in no way feel obligated to anyone for anything. Pick your nearest and dearest to be your brides maids and if anyone has an individual expectation becuase of who they are or what they have contributed then they aren’t supporting you from a giving loving place. They are simply contributing for self benefit. I voted No. 

    Post # 18
    Member
    117 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    No, you do not need to include her as a bridesmaid.

    You are inviting her to the wedding, so your fmil should have no problems.

    Post # 20
    Member
    3415 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge

    @jbridea:  That sounds like a great plan.  I hope everything works out for you.

    Post # 21
    Member
    2638 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2006

    Hmmm. I feel like regardless of my relationship or personal feelings with a future SIL, out of respect for my husband and his family I would absolutely include her. It might be old-fashioned of me but I just think it’s strange when immediate family members of the bride and groom aren’t in the wedding party, when there is a wedding party…

    Post # 22
    Member
    3339 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

    My opinion is that if you don’t want her to be a bridesmaid, then she doesn’t have to be. You don’t need to tell her that she’s not going to be a bridesmaid.  She’ll figure that out for herself when you don’t invite her to be one.

    Has your future Mother-In-Law told you that you have to include her in the bridal party or she won’t pay for the wedding?  I don’t see what her paying for it has anything to do with your bridal party.  It’s still YOUR wedding.

    Whatever you do, don’t invite her now and then wish you hadn’t.  It’s impossible to un-make someone a bridesmaid, and I’m sure that would definitely upset your future Mother-In-Law.  So, avoid that scenario at all costs!  Don’t invite her until you’re absolutely 100% sure that you want her to be a bridesmaid.

    At the very least, I’d try and get to the bottom of what her problem is (I don’t recommend phrasing it that way though).  Tell her that you feel like she’s mad at you or doesn’t like you, and you can’t figure out why.  She’s probably going to be in your life for a long time, so it’s best to salvage a relationship with her if you can.

    Post # 24
    Member
    3339 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

    @daybyday:  My fiance has two brothers and neither of them is going to be a groomsmen.  I thought it was weird too and aksed my fiance if he was sure and if they would be offended.  He said that they honestly wouldn’t want to stand up in front of everyone and that they’d be really nervous and uncomfortable.  So, it’s not always best for immediate family members of the bride and groom to be in the wedding party.

    Post # 26
    Member
    209 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I don’t think she should be a bridesmaid.  Regardless of who is paying for the wedding, its your wedding.  I would not be comfortable having one of my bridesmaids standing up with me knowing they talk bad about me behind my back.  Plus she will be in your bridal party photos for ever!  Do you think if she got married she would have you as a bridesmaid?  Because if not then don’t feel bad!

    My Darling Husband has 2 sisters but I didn’t have eithor of them even tho his family contributed to our wedding and everyone was fine about it.

    Post # 27
    Member
    261 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I think its hard to make a decision without being in the situaiton sometimes.  I don’t think you should include someone who will make the experience terrible, but I did vote yes to having her.  Mainly from a personal, family experience.  My father’s younger sister got married about 5 years after my parents and was a bridesmaid for my mom.  Based on a decision made by my paternal grandmother my aunt’s new boyfriend at the time was not invited to my parent’s wedding.  Fast forward 5 years later and that “new boyfriend” is now marrying my aunt.  My father was the only family member not included(he’s one of 5 kids, 3 of them being guys) in the bridal party and instead my parents got the “job” of taking care of the older relatives and they missed the majority of the wedding carting family members around.  My parents and I are actually really close to this aunt now, but I know it still pains both my parents that my dad wasn’t a groomsman.  Excluding a family member is not something you can undo so I would just caution you to think about it long term.  Good luck!

    Post # 28
    Member
    1081 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @jbridea:  NO. And I don’t think an explanation is necessary…

    If your Fiance or his mom felt that she should be a part of the bridal party, she could be a “groomswoman” and stand on his side… but if she is not a friend to you, then I would not have her as a bridesmaid.

    Although, I had horrible family drama explode over who I asked/did not ask to be a bridesmaid. So I wish you the best of luck, and I hope your FI’s family is more understanding than mine!

    Post # 29
    Member
    6238 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    @jbridea:  It’s so nice to hear someone say that they are going to talk to the person instead of just trying to circumvent the problem. I hope it works out!

    Post # 30
    Member
    469 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    im in the same story as you. I was friends with my sister in law but she is a very big narsissist and makes everything about her. She even wanted to get out of my wedding party because she felt like her suggestions weren’t considered. anyways i am keeping her in it, i am going to ignore her at the bachelorette party (i wont be rude about it) but im going to enjoy the other girls i love, i dont care that she’s going to be in the pictures because it will  be a lot of drama for my fiances family if i kick her out. 

    Post # 31
    Member
    125 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Your wedding will be stressful enough as it is without family drama. You don’t have to explain your decisions to anyone.  If someone doesn’t make you happy and they’re not a true friend then they shouldn’t have the honor of being in your bridal party.

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