Post # 1
Hi! I am getting married in March. My fiancé’s brother has a wife that is very hateful. She is constantly negative, never has anything nice to say about anyone and rude. Everytime we see her she has something negative to say about the wedding or who we have invited. She says not nice things about me and my fiancé to others. How do I handle a person like this? A large part of me wants to stand up to her and tell her how negative she is. But I know that could cause a problem. My fiancé and is brother are super close and I don’t want to mess that up. It’s just really hard having to be around a person like her.
Post # 2
Limit your interaction with her, ignore the crappy comments, realize she is a very unhappy person internally, and wait until after your wedding to tell her she’s negative if it comes to that. I wouldn’t want to stir the pot pre-wedding, or around holidays when you may or may not talk to them more. That’s what I would do. I’ve been there in my past relationship, my would have been future SIL was a witch. Ignored as much as possible.
Post # 3
Ya this is tough. I also have a nightmare sister in law. I also just try to limit interactions with her and just don’t give in her to attempts to get attention.
Post # 4
I don’t believe in being a dormat and letting someone be rude to you, but I also believe there are times you pick your battles and decide if it’s a hill worth dying on. I would limit contact with her to as little as possible, and when you have to be around her just keep your distance. Also, who are these people who tell you about the not nice things she says? I get it – if they’re friends or relatives they probably think they’re being nice by telling you. But honestly, leading up to the wedding I would just not listen to what others have to say. Basically turn a blind eye/ear.
Is your Brother-In-Law aware of his wife’s behavior? Has your husband spoken up to him at all?
Post # 5
Ugh, my sympathies.
If you recognise that she is hateful and miserable in general about all things, then there is little likelyhood that she will adjust her behaiour towards you & your wedding. Try to realize that she is toxic — and to remind yourself not to take it personally (which is hella hard!).
However, if she seems to only direct her hatefulness towards you and you can’t ignore it, then confront her directly: don;t involve your fiancé or his brother.
Just realize she is entitled to have her own misery and will likely be even more spiteful after a confrontation (but you might feel like you, at least, have been heard).
Post # 6
I would do a two prong approach with her. 1) talk to your fiancé about how she isn’t someone you want to spend a lot of time around. Make sure he has your back with that and supports you two not spending a lot of time with her.
2) when she says something rude directed towards you, you look her into the eye and say, “well that wasn’t a very kind thing to say, why would you say that?” Or “That was rude” and walk away, or some version of, “well I ( or we If it’s something you and husband decided) like it, and are happy with it, and that’s all that matters” ( if her comment is about something you did or like or want to do)
make those comments standing up to her and then immediately change the subject. Basically put her in her place and then move on. If you do that each time she will likely stop. Another good one is when someone makes rude or mean or inappropriate comments you simply ask them, ” what did you mean by that?” And then watch them squirm as they struggle to explain a comment that they know damn well isn’t ok. Get your husbands support on this and if she talks back your husband should back you up. ” well that wasn’t very nice to say and we don’t appreciate those kinds of comments” and then you two leave the room, go get a drink in the kitchen etc.
basically you reply to her comments by standing up for yourself and calling her out and then you ” dismiss her” by leaving the room or changing the subject. Like if there are other people in the room and she says something rude you would say, well we like it and that’s all that matters, then you would turn to aunt judy and say, so how are the kid’s? Stand up for yourself, make her look like an asshole to the room and then move the conversation on.
Post # 7
Oh and 3) limit the info given to her when at all possible. If she doesn’t know for example that your wedding colors are blue and silver, she can’t comment how ugly that is to you. You and husband need to stop telling her and his brother as much Info. It removes her ability to comment.