Sister-in-law and brother may be getting divorced and both are in my wedding

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
1634 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

She is treating your brother like dirt. I’d ask her to step down.  Unless your wedding is far out, maybe see how it all plays out. 

Post # 3
2337 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Id have absolutely no problem with asking her to step down or telling her not to come to my wedding.

My uncle cheated on my aunt 3 months before our wedding.  She got the invite and he didn’t even though he is my dad’s brother.

Post # 4
940 posts
Busy bee

“Hey, you understand that your’re not going to be in my wedding party anymore due to this this whole situation, right? I would like for you guys to take time to work things out how they need to be. Thank you.”

Post # 5
2067 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

How far out is your wedding?  I would give them some time to go to counseling and work on their relationship privately before making any major decisions.  If they stay married and work things out, it would suck to burn bridges, even though this is super shitty at the moment.

Post # 6
6141 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
bouviebee :  This. Wait it out and support your brother’s decision of trying to work it out with her. Hopefully they do.

Post # 7
3235 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

She’s cheating on your brother and not even sure if she wants to work it out… I highly doubt she will be shocked or offended when you tell her she is no longer invited to be part of your wedding. 

Post # 8
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
puppybear :  Say just that. She doesn’t get to be involved in family events if she’s not family anymore. She is cheating on your brother (actively and continuously) and obviously is not apologetic about it. She is out of everything.

Post # 9
10553 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I would just say “I really hope you and my brother can work things out but I cannot have you in my wedding any longer.”

She has to be expecting this, unless she’s completely delusional.

Though, I’m not sure why you hope they work it out. She’s openly cheating on your brother and continuing the affair while they go to counseling…I seriously doubt this will be worked out.

Post # 10
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Ummm…I’m going to be totally blunt, but there’s no way I would have a maid/matron of honor standing next to me at my wedding, supporting my marriage, who won’t respect her own marriage vows, no matter how close we are as friends. I’d kindly ask her to take a pass on being matron of honor and wish her the best in working things out with her husband. 

Post # 11
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

View original reply
SilvanArrow :  Totally agree with this! I take marriage and commitment very seriously and wouldn’t dream of having them next to me on my big day– let alone even be comfortable with a friendship with somebody with such questionable morals. There is no shame in leaving a relationship that you’re unhappy with, but there is plenty of shame in starting one up before you’ve even left.

Post # 12
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

I could never have a blatant cheater stand next to me…. ick. Especially some witch two timing my own brother. Byyyyye

Post # 13
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada

View original reply
hockeybee0104 :  Nailed it!

Post # 14
897 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

You don’t know how to ask her to step down? “Well Xyz seeing is how you don’t value your marriage vow’s because your f^&**ng someone else while married to my brother, I think’s it’s best that your not in my wedding party”. How’s that? Pretty simple and straight to the point. Even if they work it out this women dosen’t know what vow’s really mean. I wouldn’t want someone standing next to me who can so blantly have an affair and agree to counseling and still continue to foster a relationship with a different man. Just nasty.

Post # 15
13541 posts
Honey Beekeeper

My only real question would be if she will be with your brother and even invited as a guest by then. Even if they somehow manage to stay together, I can guarantee it will take more time to repair all the damage she’s done, including to your own relationship, than you have before your wedding. 

I don’t think you say anything right now while more important things are going on, but when the time comes I’d say that you care about both of them and hope things work out for the best, whatever that means, but under the circumstances, you hope she will appreciate why it’s for the best if she steps down. 

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