Post # 1
My sister-in-law is my matron of honor, we are really close and she has been like the sister I never had for the last 6 years. This week, I found out that she is considering leaving my brother for another man, whom she is having an affair with. My brother still loves her and wants to make things work, she’s agreed to go to counseling, but she’s still fostering a relationship with this other guy. I’m devastated by the whole thing and am honestly angry about how she is treating my brother. Personally, i don’t feel comfortable having her be my matron of honor any more because of this and my brother did say that if she were to leave him it would be extremely uncomfortable for her to be in the wedding (he is also a groomsman). I don’t know how to ask her to step down, but still communicate that I still care about them as a couple and want things to work out.
Post # 2
- Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI
She is treating your brother like dirt. I’d ask her to step down. Unless your wedding is far out, maybe see how it all plays out.
Post # 3
Id have absolutely no problem with asking her to step down or telling her not to come to my wedding.
My uncle cheated on my aunt 3 months before our wedding. She got the invite and he didn’t even though he is my dad’s brother.
Post # 4
“Hey, you understand that your’re not going to be in my wedding party anymore due to this this whole situation, right? I would like for you guys to take time to work things out how they need to be. Thank you.”
Post # 5
How far out is your wedding? I would give them some time to go to counseling and work on their relationship privately before making any major decisions. If they stay married and work things out, it would suck to burn bridges, even though this is super shitty at the moment.
Post # 6
bouviebee : This. Wait it out and support your brother’s decision of trying to work it out with her. Hopefully they do.
Post # 7
She’s cheating on your brother and not even sure if she wants to work it out… I highly doubt she will be shocked or offended when you tell her she is no longer invited to be part of your wedding.
Post # 8
puppybear : Say just that. She doesn’t get to be involved in family events if she’s not family anymore. She is cheating on your brother (actively and continuously) and obviously is not apologetic about it. She is out of everything.
Post # 9
I would just say “I really hope you and my brother can work things out but I cannot have you in my wedding any longer.”
She has to be expecting this, unless she’s completely delusional.
Though, I’m not sure why you hope they work it out. She’s openly cheating on your brother and continuing the affair while they go to counseling…I seriously doubt this will be worked out.
Post # 10
Ummm…I’m going to be totally blunt, but there’s no way I would have a maid/matron of honor standing next to me at my wedding, supporting my marriage, who won’t respect her own marriage vows, no matter how close we are as friends. I’d kindly ask her to take a pass on being matron of honor and wish her the best in working things out with her husband.
Post # 11
SilvanArrow : Totally agree with this! I take marriage and commitment very seriously and wouldn’t dream of having them next to me on my big day– let alone even be comfortable with a friendship with somebody with such questionable morals. There is no shame in leaving a relationship that you’re unhappy with, but there is plenty of shame in starting one up before you’ve even left.
Post # 12
I could never have a blatant cheater stand next to me…. ick. Especially some witch two timing my own brother. Byyyyye
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada
hockeybee0104 : Nailed it!
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
You don’t know how to ask her to step down? “Well Xyz seeing is how you don’t value your marriage vow’s because your f^&**ng someone else while married to my brother, I think’s it’s best that your not in my wedding party”. How’s that? Pretty simple and straight to the point. Even if they work it out this women dosen’t know what vow’s really mean. I wouldn’t want someone standing next to me who can so blantly have an affair and agree to counseling and still continue to foster a relationship with a different man. Just nasty.
Post # 15
My only real question would be if she will be with your brother and even invited as a guest by then. Even if they somehow manage to stay together, I can guarantee it will take more time to repair all the damage she’s done, including to your own relationship, than you have before your wedding.
I don’t think you say anything right now while more important things are going on, but when the time comes I’d say that you care about both of them and hope things work out for the best, whatever that means, but under the circumstances, you hope she will appreciate why it’s for the best if she steps down.