Post # 1
Member
678 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB
I am just at a loss for how to handle this. While I seem to always have had issues with my mother in law. My relationship with my husbands older sister has always been solid and well great or so i thought. I am doing to my best to try and explain what happened last night.
Last night I posted a facebook status that read : Sometimes in life you have to make the choice not to engage people who hurt you and add nothing of value to your life.
I want you all to understand that, that is exactly what i wrote, and this post was about NO ONE! His sister liked the post, then shared it. She then called me about 5 mins after the status went up and asked me how i was, and what i was up to. I took this as a friendly call. She hung up very quickly and I just thought maybe she had lost service. She called me right back and said “Who was the facebook status about?” I said No one. She hung right up. At this point I am confused. She calls right back again, I answer. She says “If you have something to say to me, I appericate it if you just say it!” I replied, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, what is going on”. She hangs up again. She calls back and yells “I DON’T LIKE WHAT YOU PUT ON THE COMPUTER AND IF YOU DON’T TAKE IT DOWN I AM GOING TO HAVE YOU JUMPED!” I am completely bewilderd. I got up to find my husband and ask him what the hell is going on! He is taken back and calls his mother trying to figure this thing out. I am listening to every word that is said. Apparently his sister has been having issues for weeks and has lashed out at other family members in the past few weeks and they believe she is off her meds.
I had not a clue she had mental health issues(not that it’s my business) but she really lashed out yelling and screaming at me over facebook that had nothing to do with her or anyone else for that matter. She called everyone in the family and told them i was talking bad about her! We’ve been married less than 90 days and now i have to deal with this crap, it’s bad enough I have to battle his mom, now his sister? I don’t want anything to do with this mess! He stayed up half the night on the phone trying to sort out this foolishness. I will say that my husband stood up for me and really had my back and for that i am grateful. Once he got off the phone I asked him what is happening. He told me that his sister is has always had some probalems and that her boyfriend said she hasn’t taken her meds for weeks and that she has been really acting out ever since.
I understand that these type of things happen when people suffer with illness, but she really called people to have me jumped? I am upset about the threats and the language she used towards me. Am i supposed to let this go simply because she is having issues right now? How does this situation make me look to his family? My husband is so hurt and upset. He seems almost embarassed and ashamed, he keeps apologizing and saying he can’t believe this.
I am just flabbergasted at the whole thing!
Post # 2
Member
4040 posts
Honey bee
With someone that volitile, I think you should delete/block her from Facebook. And her threat of having bodily harm done to you can be a matter for the police.
Post # 3
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
hell id be flabberghasted too!!!!!!! Thats a bit rediculous, theres more than one with mental illness in my SO’s family on both sides…I think that was more a threat she isnt going to follow through with, cuz ive heard that before too…
But the pp is right, I would block and delete her from FB, just because you will no longer be able to post new statuses about anything philosophy wise or anything else for that matter cuz she jsut may think its a direct stab at her.
Just keep your head up, and your guard when you are alone just to be safe.
Im sorry you are going thru this bee 🙁
Big hugs, keep us updated
Post # 4
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
I’m sorry you’re going through this. The only advice I have is to try not to let what his family thinks worry you. If they know his sister well, and are aware of her mental health issues, they probably won’t even think to lend credence to the things she’s saying. Good luck.
Post # 5
Member
5945 posts
Bee Keeper
absolutely_tati: plus one to PABride: . Your SIL is someone you should avoid.
Post # 6
Member
8669 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I think when you post passive agressive statements like that to fb you shouldn’t be surprised when someone thinks it is about them. Most people would probably not say anything to your face but unfortunately your SIL is mentally ill and off her meds so her reactions are going to be different to someone on their meds or without mental illness.
I think for now you and your husband need to push any ill feelings aside and help support your IL’s with helping SIL to get well again. When she is well again have a chat with her about the incident. Do not be accusatory but talk about how when she did x it made you feel x. Also I would admit that in hindsight you feel like the fb post wasn’t a great idea since it was so open to being misconstrued.
Just remember that this isn’t personal and that it is her illness that is making her act this way.
Post # 7
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
Yikes!! :/
You really do not deserve this type of treatment from anyone. So I would definitely keep my distance from her at all times especially during this time in your life. Good luck, OP
Post # 8
Member
1214 posts
Bumble bee
And that is why I hate ambigious facebook posts! Yeah, she over reacted. However, people who post things on facebook like you did drive me nuts. It’s usually about someone and everyone who sees it will think back wondering if it’s them. “Did I say or do something to make this person upset?” Throw in some mental health issues, and you have a major problem. Many schizo’s, certain types of personality disorders, and sometimes those in an acute manic state think everything they read, watch on TV, or over hear is directed specifically to them. Sorry hun. As far as facebook goes, if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it. And if you wouldn’t want your post in the local paper, don’t say it. Your post is a passive agressive, depressive statement. I’m not trying to attack you or make you feel bad. Just don’t say stuff like that in the future.
Post # 9
Member
2025 posts
Buzzing bee
I can’t get passed the fact that you dated your husband, became good friends with his sister and have been married for time- yet you didn’t know that she has issues. I feel like that is something I would warn my SO of just in case my sibling went through something in their presence. Or in order to not have to explain in the middle of a meltdown, they’d already know the sibling has a known issue. You have to slowly get over it and hope she gets back on her meds, I bet she will be embarrassed or she may not even mention it. I hope for her sake she gets on her meds and gets her life back, as for you getting jumped I seriously doubt that’s going to happen.
Post # 10
Member
1214 posts
Bumble bee
Also, you can’t have a logical, reasonable conversation with someone that is not on their meds for a major mental health disease. She needs to get stabalized first. Even then, it might not be worth it to bring it up again. She will either realize and apologize for what she said in her acute state, or she will rationalize her words and actions. Many times, in order for them to feel better about themselves, they will confabulate, dismiss, or sometimes do a combination of both. You have a great hubby and he loves you. I now have the song let it go stuck in my head.
Post # 11
Member
678 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB
PeachyMama: Yeah, I don’t feel bad at all. Certainly not about what I posted. I don’t think saying what i said was a good reason to threaten me or flip out. I said what i said that happens to be true in my life, It was not about anyone and certainly not directed at her. I can see how some passive aggressive post make people second guess themselves, but this reaction is not warranted.
Post # 12
Member
678 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB
MstoMrsH: Well she just texted me Good Morning with a big smily face. She made no mention of last nights events nor will I. I assume she’s over it.
Post # 13
Member
1214 posts
Bumble bee
And I’m going to post one more time. Sorry. Some families like to hide mental health problems, which could be why you didn’t know about it. The family may have figured that she was stabalized on her meds and she would be fine from there on out. Then the person has problems again and everyone is confused. Unfortunately, that is a common cycle.
Post # 14
Member
678 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB
PeachyMama: It’s sad to me. I knew she was a lil different, but nothing this extreme. it will blow over and I will move on. Thank you for your advice
Post # 15
Member
8590 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
And this is why you shouldn’t post passive aggresive crap on facebook. Someone will always take it personally or assume it’s about them.
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