Post # 1
We are getting married in August. My Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister. My fiance’s sister “Amy” is one of my bridemaid’s (even though I’m not that close with her) and 2 of my friends. My fiance is having his brother and 3 friends as groomsmen. NOW, his mom is demanding that we have “Amy’s” fiance as a groomsmen because he will be “family”! (Note: my own brother is not a groomsmen and my sister’s husband is not a groomsmen).
Is this customary? Am I overreacting in thinking this is way over the line??
Post # 3
It is customary to have who you want to stand up with you. It is yours and your FI’s choice; not your FMIL’s choice. I would just tell her you are sorry, but everyone has been picked and there is no room for anymore.
Post # 4
It’s none of her business! Your wedding party is up to you and your fiance. She needs to let you plan this. You ought to have the people with you that you really want and not feel forced to add anybody.
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club
When all is said and done, your wedding party should be made up of who you want it to include…if everyone was able to be in it, then you have the possibility of getting out of control numbers! I really wanted to include everyone that was important to me in my Bridal Party, but in the end I had to leave out a few of my good friends because I really didn’t want more than 4 BM’s. Good luck 🙂
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2010 - Ladder 15 Restaurant
I agree with the rest! If you don’t feel like confronting her about it though, maybe it’s best for your fi to tell her the news. It might be easier for her to accept if it comes from him.
Post # 7
I agree with the other bees! you wont people that you love. if i had to have my family in it (cousins i am the only child) i would have like 20 couples seriously. you have to make yourself happy and from what i heard on other postings and blogs your wedding party has the people that you love and love you have a special meaning to you.
Post # 8
I have a similiar situation. It is up to YOU AND YOUR Fiance who you want standing up there and supporting you. Your Future Mother-In-Law got to have her own wedding with the people that SHE chose, right? So can you!! GOOD LUCK!
Post # 9
mmm….mom seriously needs to butt out.
Post # 10
I would leave it up to your fiance to deal with. No need causing tension between you and your Future Mother-In-Law. He needs to stand up for what the both of you want.
Post # 11
You should have who you want as Bridesmaid or Best Man and who Fiance wants as Groomsmen. You guys don’t have to do anything you do not want to. Who is paying for your wedding?
Post # 12
Your Fiance needs to talk to his mom about this. He can basically shoot back at her the exact argument YOU just used: “Yes Mom, he may eventually be family, but people who actually ARE family (Jane75’s brother and brother-in-law) aren’t in the wedding party either. We don’t want to add ALL those people, we want to keep it small, so (future brother-in-law) is NOT going to be in the wedding party.”
Have HIM do it, you should never get into arguing with your Future Mother-In-Law directly.
Post # 13
I agree with MightySapphire.. The people who you have standing there with you are the people who will stand by you in life.. not people who your Future Mother-In-Law dictate.
Post # 14
Neither Fiance or I are having our siblings-in-law in the wedding (his sister’s husband or my brother’s wife). We’re going to make sure they have bouteneir/corsage.
Post # 15
I agree have your fiance kindly relay to his mom that you all have chosen your wedding party and don’t won’t to add on anymore people. Make sure he tells her your rationale about other bridal party spouses not being in the wedding. Maybe you can use him to help out with the wedding in some other kind of way??
Post # 16
i was given an ultimatum, either his sisters as bridesmaid, or no wedding.
so the engagement ring has been taken off and is sat in my drawer until he and i can come to some sort of agreement.
the bride and the groom both have wedding parties. therefore the bride can choose who shall be in hers and the groom can choose who shall be in his. there are no mother-of-the-groom-parties!
i suppose it depends what kind of person you are, as it wether you would try and keep the peace and make everyone happy.
personally, i see it as the bride and grooms day, and what should happen on that day should be what makes the bride and groom happy.
there are lots of other roles which can be filled by other members of the family-
readings, witnesses, handing out order of service, toast master, speaches, or even being involved in the pre wedding stages ie, having his sister come round the have her hair and make up done with the bride and bridesmaids, having the brides brother to go spend time with the groom before the ceremony.
hope you find a solution to your problem, stay strong and remember this day is going to be the one wedding day you have, you dont want to look back and have any regrets.