(Closed) Sister-in-law intercepting brother's emails from me :-(

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1172 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@alexandradee:  Forget emailing him. just keep it on the phone. This way you can convey your message and she isnt sending responses. Bypass her all together.

Post # 4
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Is your mom sending her emails to him at a different address, work vs. private?  (I know he works from home but does he have an email just for work).  Your Mom might be receiving the emails from just DIL also, but DIL signs only your brother’s name.  

Maybe you should send her some emails at her address, she may feel left out since you used to do things together.  It’s just weird tho. 

Post # 5
Member
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@alexandradee:  Oy.  Well.  I was going to suggest the phone because if you think speaking up with just result in a blow up, I’m not sure I see any other alternative.

My only other suggestion is to bring it up directly but just make it about HIM as in a, “Why don’t you ever read my e-mails?” joking kind of way. 

If he doesn’t give you an actual answer, press the issue.  “Seriously, bro – I write you about stuff and you never know what the hell I’m talking about when I refer to it later. – what gives?”

And go from there.  Do NOT make it about SIL at all, even if he mentions her.  After all, it is HIS e-mail so he should be reading and responding to it. 

Post # 6
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think it’s odd that she doesn’t tell him but the fact that she responds on his behalf is not necessarily unusual. Darling Husband is very busy and often, he asks me to contact his sister on his behalf. He’ll make time to call her but if she needs an answer on mundane things then he prefers that she contacts me. However, I usually will tell him she messaged me at some point (if I don’t forget). At this point, I would just stick to calling him on the phone and leaving really mundane things for the email (things that are really meant for the two of them).

Post # 7
Member
491 posts
Helper bee

To me, it sounds like she is probably just trying to be friendly and doesn’t think its a big deal to respond to your emails.  Since it’s been going on so long, maybe she just assumes you are cool with her (“them”) responding to everything, so she keeps doing it. I think it is a little weird that she doesn’t mention it, but if it usually is just “hey, whats up?” it might not really be that she is ‘hiding it’ but rather that its just not something so important she needs to remember to bring up to him.

I don’t think there is much you can do besides choose to communicate in a different way. Obviously your brother knows she reads and responds to his email and it doesn’t seem to bother him. Like PP said, I think you could ask him why he never seems to know what you’re talking about and that you asked him something specific that he didn’t respond to. 

 

Post # 8
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would just stop emailing him all together. Start either calling or texting ONLY. It’s weird that she does that and that your brother does not seem to care.

Post # 9
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think you should say something to your brother about it. I know you’re worried about “ruining their relationship” but honestly if something like that ruins their relationship, that’s pretty sad.

Just don’t email anymore. Talk to your brother only on the phone or through texts. You’re brother won’t think you don’t want tot talk to him anymore if you explain to him that you stopped emailing because that form of communication isn’t really talking to him anyways.

Post # 10
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@LilliePad:  shes worried abiut her relationship with her bro being affected, not her brothers relationship with his wife

Post # 11
Member
680 posts
Busy bee

This is weird… Just keep it to phone conversations for a few months to see if that helps to clear things up. Maybe you could skype call him sometimes? Facebook? Try to do different things to communicate rather than email and see how it goes. If she starts taking over THOSE as well, then I say you’ve def got a problem that you need to talk to your brother about.

Post # 12
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

That is weird…I would bring it up with him and tell him you would appreciate a response from him, not from her on his behalf.  I don’t get it…either that, or quit emailing and use the good, old-fashioned telephone, lol.  

Post # 13
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@newname_99:  Oh yes I see that now. I read “their” instead of “our” in the original post.

Either way, I stand by my suggestion. I think it’s perfectly ok to say something to your brother about it, and you can say it in a way that wouldn’t ruin your relationship.

Post # 14
Member
412 posts
Helper bee

if you’re worried about SIL being pissed, i’d definitely make it sound like you don’t mind her part in it, but that if she’s going to answer, you still expect HIM to make sure he’s in the loop. So more like “I don’t mind that SIL is answering for you so I get a timelier response, but I’d still appreciate if you made an effort to stay in the loop. Then you know if I do/don’t know something relevant in your life, and you can supplement it if you want, and we also don’t need to repeat conversations for me to know that you know what’s going on in mine.”

That way if she’s hiding/deleting your emails (wouldn’t he see them in his inbox?) he can have that convo. And if she’s not, he’ll be proactive about reading his read/responded messages. Some people only check their “unread” messages and he might be one of them. (maybe she doesn’t read your mom’s)

If that doesn’t get you anywhere, I would switch to just calling & texting.

Post # 15
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@TexasSpringBride:  +1

 

“i don’t want to come out and say anything directly because I don’t want to rock the boat (he loves her a LOT, and I know it would just ruin our relationship).”

 

^^^What you said above is 100% accurate and it’s good you realize it:  in my experience and observation, “come-to-jesus” meetings/interventions RARELY help in family settings, especially when it involves someone’s out-of-the-family spouse. 

 

My boyfriend has an incredibly close relationship with his sister, I think they text more than WE do.  And thats ok. Why? Because she’s his sister and in no way a threat to our relationship.  It seems like his wife is confused.

 

I would simply stop communicating with him via email. 

Post # 16
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

doesn’t he have his own private email address that you could direct your emails to?  if not, maybe just call him.

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