- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
This is going to be long – pre-warning! I am having issues with my SIL. I also really, really want to vent.
Here’s the whole story:
My SIL always seemed like a decent person up until the point we got engaged. Even when we first got engaged, she seemed super into helping plan and legitimately happy for us. I asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man because my husband’s family is super close, and I thought it would be a nice way for us to bond and get closer. Little did I know…
First thing she did was start calling around to book venue appointments, photographer appointments…it was so strange. I never implied I needed any help (though I shared ideas with her) and she took it all upon herself to do this. We canceled all the appointments. Then she started designing centerpieces and making them. She then asked my husband for money for them. Once again, I NEVER asked her to do any of this. It ended with my husband having to ask her to stop – that I was planning the wedding and would let her know if I needed help with anything. I was later told she told other family members that she was my wedding planner.
So, as we got closer to the wedding, we went Bridesmaid or Best Man dress shopping. All 5 of my bridesmaids joined us. I allowed them to pick whatever cut/style they wanted. She immediately chose the first dress she tried on – put her clothes back on – and sat in a chair and spoke to no one. Before you say maybe she was nervous/uncomfortable, her mother was shopping with us, along with two of her other family members that were also in my party. At the end, one of my other BM’s had the idea to put on the dresses they chose and take a picture. Well – when I asked her to put her dress back on – you would have thought I asked her to shoot a puppy. Seriously, the look was SO nasty.
Same thing at my bridal shower. We took pictures outside with the bridal party and she shot the same dead puppy look when someone asked her to come out (she was lingering inside).
My bachelorette was a disaster. Her mother gave her money for the weekend (keep in mind- shes a 33 year old woman) and she thought it was appropriate to contribute about 75% of what she actually owed on all bills. My Maid/Matron of Honor caught on and started asking for separate checks (for 9 people…yep). My SIL denied she was doing that. She also said something extremely inappropriate about my husband to my Maid/Matron of Honor (Basically trying to get her to agree that he sucks and is a bad guy – um, what?). She also refused to sit with us at one of the bars we went to (she sat alone for over 2 hours) and refused to do fun things like all wear crowns, etc. You know – typical fun bachelorette stuff.
Before the wedding, I was informed that she changed her bridesmaids dress at the last minute and didn’t tell me. Well – my Maid/Matron of Honor had chosen a specific dress to make her stand out and to be the only one to have it. You guessed it – she changed her dress to that one and told my informant (LOL) not to tell me. She also showed up on wedding day with BLUE shoes – I asked for silver. I honestly was NOT a demanding bride whatsoever. I paid for hair/makeup (her mom bought her dress), let them choose their shoes/jewelry, etc. She also never thanked me for the bridesmaids gift – everyone else opened theirs, gave me a big hug and said thank you. She opened it and walked away.
On to wedding day – she shows up with makeup on (MUA requested no makeup and I relayed this to the girls) and denies shes wearing eyeliner. She requests some INSANE purple makeup for her eyes (I have to tell MUA to tone it down). She takes pain pills and is HIGH as a kite all day. She spills water and almost destroys the photographers camera. She is SO FREAKING HIGH during all pictures – her eyes are closed.
We barely saw her once the reception started. Turns out –she was hitting on some guy who worked at my venue. She shows up to the after party with her eyes shut, shes swaying around, high/drunk out of her mind. THEN – she has the balls to tell my Maid/Matron of Honor that the wedding “SUCKED” and “the music was awful” .
We barely have talked to her since then (over 6 months ago). Now that Christmas is coming up, she invited my husband to her house but said I was not allowed to attend because she wanted an “old fashioned” Christmas and I wasn’t in the family for most of their lives. Keep in mind – I have NEVER once said anything nasty to her. I never called her out on her shit, I’ve never been mean. If anything, I’ve been very nice and cordial to her in person. My husband always sticks up for me as well – he is great. If something needs to be discussed, he takes control over it and talks to her.
My thoughts are she is a very unhappy person and hates that my husband and I are so happy. I am also close with some of her other family members (in fact, our two families are getting together for Christmas at my parents home) and she has essentially alienated everyone in her life. No one speaks to her except my IL’s and that’s mostly because she has their grandchild.
My Mother-In-Law has asked us numerous times to sit down and speak with her – but at this point, any apology will not be genuine. We also don’t feel its OUR job to fix things – we did nothing wrong.
Thanks for letting me vent! Any advice?