(Closed) Sister-in-law issues… SUPER long….SORRY!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

WTF? I’d cut this woman out of your life NOW.  Tell Mother-In-Law exactly how you feel and have your husband do the same, this is not your problem to fix and your Mother-In-Law sounds like an understanding woman, I’m sure she’ll see your side (and if not distance yourself from her as well).  

Post # 3
Member
2762 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Have your husband tell your Mother-In-Law to call her and say “an old fashioned Christmas is out of the question. 

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weatherbug: is now a part of the family and we won’t go unless we’re both invited.” Then follow thru.

every other day of the year simply go about your business as usual and don’t give her a second thought. She’s not worth it. 

Post # 4
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

NOTHING justifies her actions. She sounds very childish. Were the two family members of hers that you mentioned also bridesmaids? Regardless of family members being apart of your party, IMO I think the discomfort started when you rejected her advances (which you had every right to). The way you describe the situation makes it obvious she wanted to distance herself for a reason. You may have been as nice as you think that you could have possibly been, but she still may have picked up on you and the MOH’s annoyance with her actions. I am sorry that she had to crap on a wonderful time in your life. The way she acted was completely out of line and unjustified. 

Post # 6
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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weatherbug: I hope I helped you gain some understanding of her actions (even though her actions were definitely intolerable). Some people react horribly to rejection; usually by acting outlandish, defensive, and rebellious like your SIL did.  

Post # 7
Member
47436 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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weatherbug:  Be civil to her when you see her at family functions, but otherwise I wouldn’t make any extra effort. I certainly don’t think it is your job to sit down and talk with her. Your in-laws raised this woman. If they are not happy with her behavior, they are the ones who should talk with her.

Post # 8
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

The main thing is, your husband it totally on your side.  I would just be cordial to her when you are at family functions, nothing further.  If she doesn’t include you when she hosts a family get-together, your husband just declines the invitation.  No explanation needed.  It sounds like she is a bitter, jealous person.   

Post # 9
Member
9184 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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weatherbug:  are you sure she doesn’t have an addiction problem? 

Post # 10
Member
775 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I think she felt rejected and lashed out. Even though you had every right to tell her to stop she was hurt. You may be able to talk it out, if thats what you want. I think that would be best if the family is that close, and you want to have a relationship with the child. You can always try, and if it doesnt go well, than at least you did your best. Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
660 posts
Busy bee

From what you said about her being high at the wedding, it sounds like she has a drug problem. That would explain a lot of her behavior. She might also be bipolar mix that with drugs you have a really messed up person on your hands. I would cut her out of my life for good. However i worry about her childs saftey because she sounds very unstable. 

Post # 13
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

She sounds awful. Like, awful awful awful awful. I’m so sorry you’ve had to put up with that! Thank goodness your husband is willing to stand up for you and your marriage. She sounds like she might have some kind of personality disorder or something. This is pretty cray. 

Post # 14
Member
9184 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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weatherbug:  That would explain it then. You guys have two options- 1. Support and accept her until she admits she has a problem. This does not mean you have to put up with shitty behaviour. Call her out on it in a constructive way enphasising how much it hurts when she does xyz, how it makes you feel when she does xyz. If you just yell at her it will make her feel worse inside and turn more to drugs to just numb everything.

Or 2. Cut her out of your life. But tell her why. Future Sister-In-Law we can no longer have you as part of our lives until you make better choices in your life. It hurts us to have to do this but it currently it is hurting us more to sit by and watch you not accept help and destroy your life.

Anything else will just drive you insane. You will permanently be mad at her which will do more harm than good to your life and relationship.

Post # 15
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
weatherbug:  His family his problem. He needs to stand up for you and say that, no, you will not be cut out from a family function because she wants her “old-fashioned” christmas and if she has a problem with that, he’s not going. Its not your job to fix it. Especially since you note she has an addiction problem; be civil when you see her; say “hello, how are you” and move on. Even if you did want to “fix” it, you can’t if she truly is an addict. Only she can do that and until she’s clean and sober, it won’t happen.

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