(Closed) Sister-in-Law Not Invited to Wedding

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@BeeinBoston:  seriously!

You have to invite her. You whine about how she doesn’t invite you to things… Get over it and be the bigger person. You’re only going to make the situation worse if you play the same game she is. 

Post # 18
Member
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think you both suck. This is seriously an arms race and no one will win. The only thing that will come out of this is that your Fiance and his brother will be split apart forever because their wives can’t get over themselves long enough to realize that the world exists outside of their feud. Hypothetical situation here. You two fight to the point where your husbands have no relationship and your children never meet. It’s 15 years from now and one of your husbands gets injured/ill and dies unexpectedly. The living brother now has a huge amount of survivors guilt for not having a relationship with his brother for the past 15 years and resents his wife for causing him so much pain, so he divorces her. No one in this situation wins. It’e extreme, but it’s not impossible.

Yes, your SIL is being a bitch by not inviting you to things, but do you really think that you are any better when you are suggesting doing the exact same thing as her?

Post # 19
Member
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

@mrsdfarrar6714:  I don’t understand does your FH actually go to these family events where you aren’t invited?? If so that’s part one of the problem. If she doesn’t like you that much I say invite her anyway but do you think there is a chance that she or both she and husband won’t come anyway??

Post # 20
Member
5708 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@mrsdfarrar6714:  Seriously, why do you have to make nice or be buddy buddy with her at all? She comes to the wedding because she is your FI’s brother’s wife. It isn’t fair to try to strain Fiance and brother’s relationship becuase you and SIL want to create some unnecessary high school drama.

That being said, she doesn’t have to be your best friend and you don’t have to be hers. Hell, you guys don’t even have to say hi to each other. Who cares? But if you don’t invite her, expect your FI’s relationship with his brother to possibly become strained…and in that case you WILL have changed your Fiance.

Post # 21
Member
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

As long as your fiance is okay with not inviting her, then nobody is forcing you to. This is a free country. May it have ramifications on his relationship with his brother? Sure, but if he is willing to leave his brother’s wife off the guest list then he probably doesn’t give much of a fig either way.

 

Post # 22
Member
8700 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Have your Fiance talk to her DH and let them decide if they want her to go or not.

Post # 23
Member
4023 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

@TwoCityBride:  I agree with this wholeheartedly.

This is really unfair to your Fi, even though he has agreed to not invite her, theres no way his brother will come without her so you’re asking him to sacrifice his relationship with his brother because of your relationship with his wife – thats not OK. You’re behavior is just as bad as hers if you do this. A family is a unit made up of all sorts of people, we dont all get along or like eachother, but we find a way to co-exist for the sake of our loved ones. Its part of being a family. It sucks, it’s work, and it sure as hell isnt very fun sometimes, but the people who love you will appreciate your efforts. You need to figure out a way to belong to the same family as her, and maybe your Fiance and his brother need to sit down alone and figure out how that can happen. but please dont not invite her, this will cause more issues further down the line and doesnt resolve ANYTHING

Post # 24
Member
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@mrsdfarrar6714:  I’m not saying she’s not a bitch. I’m saying she’s a bitch who is about to be your family. Sorry, sister, but you gotta suck it up because she is officially always going to be a part of your life unless there’s a divorce. Being the bigger person and inviting her will score you points with your Future In-Laws. Attempting to not invite your FI’s brother’s wife will only cause WAY more drama. 

Post # 25
Member
2027 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You have to invite her even if you hate her. You think you know the consequences of not inviting her, but you don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t even consider it.

Post # 26
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think the whole drama sucks.  I think its crappy that this situation has to happen and be going on.  BUT, I think regardless of the drama…and regardless of you Fiance agreeing not to invite her…you CAN”T invite you Future Brother-In-Law and NOT invite his wife.  I honestly think that its rude and by doing that, the drama is only going to get so much worse.  His family is going to be upset she wasn’t invited…regardless of the reason behind it. As much as you guys don’t like each other…you will be family and you’re stuck with each other.  I think you just need to be the bigger person.  Invite her to the wedding…it doesn’t mean you need to go out of your way to hang out with her…but you definitely still need to invite her, regardless of the personal feelings.

Post # 27
Member
1113 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

@MexiPino:  Agreed!

 

OP, you simply cannot leave her out of the wedding.  What a horrible way to start your new life with your Fiance and his family!  She will never forgive you for it, and like someone else said, the relationship between your Fiance and his brother will be ruined.

 

 

Post # 28
Member
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mrsdfarrar6714:  Wait, she invited you to her wedding? In 10 years’ time no one else will remember who said what. But everyone will remember that she invited you to her wedding, and you didn’t invite her to yours.

And how do you think the invitation will look? Then it will be there in black and white and she can show that to everyone in the family and turn them against you. FI’s brother will probably skip the wedding, and others might too.

You say you want to avoid drama? Well not inviting will cause huge drama! If you invite you she just sits with her husband, she doesn’t even need to talk to you.

You have to invite her.

Post # 29
Member
2748 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@FionnaCake:  +1000

Seriously OP so much pain will come from this!

It is over used but TWO WRONGS DON’T MAKE A RIGHT

Post # 30
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014 - South Bonson Pier & Community Centre

@mrsdfarrar6714:  This is an awful plan. She’s married to the brother, so unless he’s not invited, she’s coming. Stop trying to be “right”.

Post # 31
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

As much as it sucks, there is no way to go about not inviting her where you don’t look like the asshole. 

She gets an invite. Sorry. 

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