Post # 32
ding ding ding! These were my thoughts exactly.
No one is going to care about the nuances of your strained relationship, but they WILL attention to how you didn’t invite your SIL to your wedding. Excluding her will only make you look bad in this instance.
Post # 33
It’s also possible that inlaws and friends and other people will place the lionshare of the blame on your back, if you were invited to their wedding and you barred her from her wedding.
Post # 34
I am in disagreement with most of the other bees here in that I really don’t see what the big deal is.
Her fiance is willing to go along with the exclusion of their future sister-in-law. He is clearly okay with straining his relationship with his brother–and they may not be all that close anyway. They are both aware of the possible ramifications. The other guests in attendance are highly unlikely to pay much mind to her absence (or the absence of the couple) because there will be so much else going on.
Do I think it’s a good idea to exclude her? No. If I were in the OP’s shoes, I would try to be the bigger person so as not to antagonize my SO’s brother. Do I think it’s a catastrophic mistake not to invite her? No. The OP’s fiance is willing to leave her out; it’s ultimately up to the bride and groom (and/or whoever is funding the wedding–usually the bride’s family if this is the case) to decide who they want in attendance.
I understand where the OP is coming from. My husband’s brother and said brother’s wife are both complete boobs. I would have been tempted to exclude them from the guest list had my husband and I not eloped.
Post # 35
It seems to be that they had a lot of discussion and this isn’t something that he took lightly. I also think given what the op said she clearly was pushing for it.
Not everyone is going to agree with her. People have been honest with her, I think the op is a bit niave, because she seems to not be aware if she not invited bil wife she essentially isn’t inviting him. I also think to invite someone without their spouse it has to be for major reasons, and they reasons listed are petty and childish.
I think she a little niave about the what the ramafications for her behavior maybe, and I’m also advising her againist it. I think it’s important that people give her another perspective. Because she needs to know it may affect her marraige, and i know plenty of people with inlaw issues that started over petty shit, and it’s like a black cloud over thier relationship, and most of the time even if the other spouse gets on board you can bet later on down the line he going resent her big time for this.
Post # 36
Be the better person and invite her. It will only cause more drama and tension with his whole family if you don’t, and you will be made to look like the bad guy.
Post # 37
As much as you want to thunderpunch your SIL in the throat, you have to invite her. Weddings and funerals are the two biggest family moments. If you don’t invite her, you will become the black sheep. Your family may have different accounts of your and your SIL’s history, but they will ALL remember you leaving her off the guest list.