- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
So my sister in law is pregnant and so am I. She is due two months after me and I’m due in a month and a half. Ours was planned, it was a complete “accident” for them, the couple who have always said children are parasites. Every step of the fricking way has been a competition for her.
She does not really have a mother so she clings to mine, fine whatever I’ve accepted it, my mother takes her side and does everything for her, it’s always “poor her”, eh, I just kind of ignore it. When it came time for my shower, my mother in law (who I absolutly adore) agreed with my mother to do my shower…….then all of a sudden my mother has my sister in law involved and now my mother in law is totally excluded and I AM PISSED.
I try so hard to get along with my sister in law but to be honest I really don’t know if I like her very much, I want to love her because she is my brother’s wife and he loves her. She’s always telling me what to do and how to do it, acting like another overbearing mother. She did this with my wedding too. I was not going to have her in my wedding…..or my brother for that matter and my mother made a big issue of it so we had them in the bridal party and of course, she made it all about her. She bullied my other bridesmaids until she got her way, thankfully, they are understanding people and took it well.
My shower is a week away and I am finding out that she did not send invites to people I asked her to and several things have not gotten done. People aresupposed to RSVP to my mom and I have asked her about 5 different people and her response is “well, sister in law did invites” so then I checked with these people and they never recieved them.
This all makes me really sad because now my mother expects me to do a bunch of stuff for her shower and her shower is a week from my due date! Yikes! As I am typing this I am FBing her co-workers and getting addresses, why? I don’t know……why I didn’t just say no, I don’t know! Apparently I’m a fricking push over.
My sister in law gets annoyed that I haven’t gained much weight during my pregnancy, she makes little digs at me about breastfeeding (because I can’t) all the time and every one thinks it is funny…….but I don’t, it is hurtful. She even makes comments about how I’ll probably lose all my baby weight because I’m such a control freak (this comes from the fact that I like my house clean and organized and they live like eclectic hoarders). Even my mom laughs about all of these things and joins in on the teasing. This really isn’t anything new, she made digs about my wedding, my dress, my husband, my step-daughter, all of it. My husband is very upset with all of this and he has been so great and suppotive and not said a word but I don’t know how long that will last.
I find it hurtful that we are always compared but we are two completly different people. I am angry or maybe more hurt that my mother pushes me to the back burner and follows along with her little jokes and digs and bullshit.
We originally asked my mother to watch our baby when I return to work, well now, they have asked as well and she agreed. So she will basically have my two and a half month old and then theirs as well. I don’t know if I want to anymore just because I don’t want to deal with the drama but I also don’t want to take that away from my mom.
Currently, my sister in law is having a bit of a crisis due to some issues with her pregnancy and has to meet with a specialist, and so now I feel like a big ol’ asshole for even having the above feelings and my mother is in overprotective mode right now, she treats my brother and her like they are children and is way too involved in their lives (whatever that is their deal). Please do not think I’m horrible, I am very concerned about my little niece’s health and her mother’s that thought has never escaped my mind. I want them to be okay and healthy and of course I will always support my brother with whatever he needs.
So because I do not want to make things worse or come out like an awful person I feel like I should just keep my mouth shut (normally I have coffee with my mother once a week before work to catch up and I don’t even think I am going to do that this week because I am worried I’ll just explode) normally I also call her right after my dr’s appointments (which I have one today) but I don’t know that I should even call her right now, she is short with me since this issue came up with my sister in law and only wants to talk about them and what I need to be doing for her shower.
I know this must be addressed at some point or it is never going to stop (and yes I know right now, not the right time). I know that my feelings must be stuffed right now. I get all of that but am I out of line for being upset that my mother in law got excluded or that I have any of the other above feelings and don’t get me wrong I’m not just upset with my sister in law I am upset with my own mother. I feel like she gets manipulated by my sister in law and does everything for her and she takes advantage of her and she just thinks it’s funny and cute and doesn’t see it. My father does, he keeps a safe distance, my husband sees it, everyone does but her. I don’t want to have this shower at this point, I do not want to go through another disappointment like I did with my wedding.