(Closed) Sister in law pregnant at same time

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
3725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You can both be pregnant and happy at the same time. Even if she did do it to compete, the joke is on her with a lifetime trophy of another child! I do not understand who would want to compete to get pregnant. Silly.

Sorry to hear about your shower. Even though not perfect, I’m sure you will enjoy it. Rise above and be the bigger, kinder person… even if it really sucks some times.

Post # 3
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

It sounds like the real source of pain here is that your mother is so close to your SIL and you feel excluded. When things calm down you should mention it to her, but try to be sensitive as your SIL doesn’t have a mom and that relationship is probably special to both of them. 

Tell her your Mother-In-Law is feeling excluded from planning and that you want them to involve her more. Deep down it sounds like this is a jealousy issue (which may be valid!) but I don’t think that trying to come between your mom and SIL will do anything but make it worse. Instead of getting defensive about your SIL being included, just tell them that you’re feeling a little bit left out.

Post # 4
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You are not out of line for being upset. She makes digs at you for being unable to breastfeed?!? She sounds like an insecure, jealous cow. Your mother though? I have NO idea what on earth would possess her treat you that way. Has she always been this toxic? I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I don’t know what I would do in your shoes. Hopefully other bees with similarly toxic family can offer good advice! 

Post # 6
Member
9588 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

“My sister in law gets annoyed that I haven’t gained much weight during my pregnancy, she makes little digs at me about breastfeeding (because I can’t) all the time and every one thinks it is funny…….but I don’t, it is hurtful. She even makes comments about how I’ll probably lose all my baby weight because I’m such a control freak (this comes from the fact that I like my house clean and organized and they live like eclectic hoarders). Even my mom laughs about all of these things and joins in on the teasing. This really isn’t anything new, she made digs about my wedding, my dress, my husband, my step-daughter, all of it. My husband is very upset with all of this and he has been so great and suppotive and not said a word but I don’t know how long that will last.”

This paragraph, right here.  This is where I’d flip out on everyone and scold my mother to hell and back again if she tried.

Then again, I’m uber sensitive to this sort of crap.  My mom did this a LOT to me as I was growing up, and it gave me issues I had to work through.

Post # 7
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

MrsFarm0619:  You know, I would probably just pull away from those two a bit.  It sucks about your baby shower, but I think you’ll just have to keep your chin up about it.  Maybe you can open up a tiny bit to your Mother-In-Law and take her to brunch or something and see if you two can’t come up with an idea to make her feel better in her place as grandma?  Maybe she could throw a second shower for those that don’t come to the first or weren’t properly invited?

You are right about probably just having to put up and shut up for now unless you don’t mind making a mess out of family business during an important bonding time for everyone.  I would, however, say something like, “that is a nasty thing to say,” or “that was hurtful,” when you are around them and they jab at you…  If the scenery quiets down and gets awkward, all the better, because that is a consequence of their poor manners, especially in such a sensitive time.  They do not get a pass on being rude, but I wouldn’t dig up all of the bones until everyone is in a better state to handle the stress of whatever fallout there will be from confronting (I don’t like that word) them about how they made you feel through such an important and special time.

For now though, minimize your time with them, keep good thoughts for everyone’s health, and see if your Mother-In-Law or other ILs aren’t willing to pick up some of this emotional slack that your own family is leaving.  Try and stay positive for baby, and then get to work on your problem relationships when you’re in a better position to handle them.  We feel for you, but it is just one of those moments where you have to put on a good face until a proper time for a good ol’ talk comes about (but do be politely firm with them on outright mean digs directly when they spit them).

Post # 8
Member
7371 posts
Busy Beekeeper

When are you gonna snap back? you listed too many example’s here for me not to go, well no wonder. She’s an asshole but if you never hold her accountable, she’s going to keep doing what she’s been doing. Because you reward her with your passivness. 

Post # 9
Member
11652 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I would definitely speak up and tell them when these jokes are happening that you find it hurtful that your painful issues are the constant source of ridicule. Let that sit and don’t apologize for your feelings. Tell them if they find medical and reproductive matters so funny they are welcome to ridicule each other over them. 

 

Sorry about your shower. I would insist that Mother-In-Law is included. And ask pointedly – while showing appreciation -who is responsible for invite list failures because there are a lot of hurt feelings and confusion. 

You are stuck working on her shower right now but as soon as you give birth all bets are off. 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Aw – I feel bad for you, OP. Your mom is playing favorites with someone who’s not even actually her child. 🙁 Wish I could help, but with everything going on, this does not seem to be a good time to speak up for yourself. I’m sorry you’re going through all this. I hope the time is right soon when you can stand your ground a little more and demand more respect. You shouldn’t be treated this way.

Post # 11
Member
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Honestly, if it were me, i would exclude both your mom and SIL from your life. 

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