Post # 1
I’m dealing with a really difficult situation (and I’m not sure how much of this is in my head) so I could really use some neutral advice.
I have been with my fiance for almost seven years and we are getting married this year. He has two older siblings that are significantly older than us (about 10 years). His brother got married last year and his sister is married with three kids. My fiance’s brother’s wife and his sister get along really well. His sister-in-law babysits her girls. Although my fiance’s sister-in-law and I have been in the family for the same amount of time, his sister and sister-in-law have always been somewhat exclusive- never going out of their way to be kind to me or involve me in any way. That’s okay- I figure it has to do with the age difference.
I posted something recently on fb about the election and his sister posted a status that was clearly calling me out (but didn’t say my name). I didn’t respond to it, espcially since it wasn’t completely obvious it was about me (and I hate confrontation) but his sister-in-law commented and they basically both talked really negatively and publically about me without ever saying my name. Since then, in person, they have been openly icy to me- not talking to me unless they have to etc.
I’m obviously hurt about this behavior because I would love for us all to be close, but my delimma is that next week we were going to ask his sister to be in my bridal party, but I really don’t feel comfortable doing that if she is being so cold to me. I have a feeling from the way that she treats me that she doesn’t like me and probably wouldn’t want to be in the wedding to begin with, however I know that she will say yes if I ask her and if I don’t ask her, the entire family (including her and my fiance) will be really upset.
I guess I know I have to ask her to be in the wedding, but how do I get over feeling heartbroken over this, uncomfortable asking her, and badly about her being part of the bridal party?
Any advice would be appreciated!
Post # 2
You don’t have to ask her to be in the wedding, you just need to ask her to attend
Post # 3
Don’t ask her to be in the party. If your fi wants her she can stand on his side.
Post # 4
Your wedding is almost a year away–you have time. This election has a lot of people upset. Perhaps you could both use a couple of months to see where your relationship may lead? You don’t HAVE to ask her to be in your wedding party especially if you feel she isn’t supportive of your marriage.
Post # 5
If you feel you must include her in some way, ask her to do a reading. Do you really want her and her negativity surrounding you on your wedding day?
Post # 6
I agree with PP and give it a few months to see how you feel before you ask.
Post # 7
If your Fiance wants her in the wedding that badly she can stand on his side. I agree the election has many people fired up, but it doesn’t sound you’ve ever been close to her. Will a few months change that?
Post # 8
Only ask the people closest to you to be in your wedding party. It doesn’t sound like she fits into that category. There is no obligation to ask family members to be in your wedding party if you aren’t that close to them. The wedding will not bring you closer. In fact, it might make things worse.
If your Fiance really wants her to b in the wedding party, he can ask her to be a grooms women on his side.
Post # 9
I agree with PP’s…I wouldn’t ask her to be in my bridal party. You should be sharing your special day with your favourite people by your side. Her negative energy will impact you on the day and it is just not worth it; you’ll end up despising your day instead of relishing in the celebration of your love.
I would have a talk with Fiance and just explain how you feel…after all, it is HIS sister, so if he feels she should be in the Bridal Party he can entertain her by involviing her in his.
thinking of you bee xx
Post # 10
I also wouldn’t ask her. Normally I’m in camp “if you get on ok then it’s nice to because you’ll be family m” but this woman appears to have zero interest in developing a relationship.
Post # 11
There’s no need to ask her. Honestly, she’d probably rather attend as a guest because you’re not really friends and she has three kids keeping her busy.
Post # 12
Don’t ask her to be in your bridal party – it’ll just give you anxiety/stress around wedding events. Agree with PPs she can either stand up on your FI’s side or do a reading of some kind if you want to include her.
Post # 13
You have to take into consideration how your fi feels about this. You know when you post anything in social media it’s the same thing as saying it out loud. Would you have said the same thing to her face? Did you not have any idea that she would react to it in such a way? After watching this election how could you NOT know that someone might react negatively, no matter what you said. I would strongly suggest your re-think your approach to social media, if you don’t want criticism or deal with the consequences of your postings.
In the meantime, if it really is important to fi and his family, hold off asking anyone, you have plenty of time. Not only are the elections bringing out the crazy in everybody but the holidays are wrought with emotion as well. Revisit this issue at Valentines and see how it’s going then.
Post # 14
I wouldn’t have someone who publicly tried to humilate and shame me standing up next to me at my wedding. You don’t have to either. Invite her to your wedding and that should be good enough. Your bridesmaids should be people who you are very close with and it doesn’t sound like you and her really have a friendship at all. She shouldn’t expect to be in your wedding party and I don’t see why your fi would be expecting her to be either. I don’t think that’s being rude, just realistic. It’s YOUR day and YOUR bridesmaids. Do what feels best for you.