(Closed) Sister in law to be… HELP

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
2956 posts
Sugar bee

I mean, if it was that important for his sister to be a bridesmaid, you’d think he would have said something to you. I find it really annoying that MILs and brides are always involved while the future groom just sits there.

Also, do you know that the sister is actually hurt? I know Mother-In-Law said she is, but…..

I’d talk to your fiance and ask what the deal is, then talk to the sister. Don’t feel bad, you didn’t know.

Post # 5
1829 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

You didn’t do anything wrong. You don’t have to ask ANYONE to be in your party you don’t want to be. I don’t understand why people get so butthurt when they are not asked. 

She is being dramatic for no reason. 

Post # 6
30398 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
babymoon1217 :  I would just ignore what you have heard. His sister is plenty old enough to know that it is completely inappropriate of her to complain about not being chosen a bridesmaid. His mother also should not  have passed that information along to you. What does she expect you to do with that information at this late date? Adding your Future Sister-In-Law at this late date would seem like a pity party.

I had 5 sisters and didn’t have any of them as BM’s. I knew if I asked one, I would have to ask them all, and not only did I not want that large a wedding party, I wanted to have my nearest and dearest friends beside me.

If you really feel you need to do something, you could consider asking her to do a reading during the ceremony. That is a decision that would often be made around this time, and not so obvious as a last minute addition as a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

Post # 7
1992 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
babymoon1217 :  So why isn’t she standing on her brother’s side? Isn’t he the one who has a relationship with her?

Post # 8
1705 posts
Bumble bee

Normally I’m in favor of giving siblings a spot in the wedding party, but if she is old enough to be a grandmother and has all that on her plate, it seems pretty silly to be kicking up a fuss over not being a bridesmaid.

Would it placate her if you gave her some other role, like a reading, or escorting an elderly relative down the aisle?

Post # 9
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I’m sorry, that must be so frustrating 🙁 if it helps you did nothing wrong.  Especially since you didn’t do anything to single her out- it’s not like you asked his other sisters and excluded her. It’s also not unreasonable to assume someone 30 years older than you wouldnt want to be a bridesmaid, I would have assumed the same thing. It sounds like she just wants attention and it is not her day at all so I hope she isn’t getting it. 

Post # 10
1898 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think you did anything wrong and I wouldn’t do anything about it now. There’s nothing to do, and totally weird of his mom to awkwardly bring this up. If the SIL was upset, SHE should have come to you. Or your fiance could have said- hey, i want my sister to be in the wedding party. 


Post # 12
1767 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
babymoon1217 : I honestly see this going way worse if you do cave and ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I wouldn’t be surprised if the other two sisters say, “Wtf? what about us?!”.

Don’t feel guilty at all. It’s not your respomsibility to make a grown ass woman feel good. Chances are your Future Mother-In-Law is probably blowing things out of proportion anyway.

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