Post # 1
I’m tying the knot with my incredible honey in just 51 days!!
Move had my bridal party selected since before we even were planning a wedding for real and adore my ladies, however, after having dinner with my fiancés mom last night, she mentioned that his older sister was very upset that I had not asked to to be part of my bridal party. He has a very large family, 5 siblings, and out of the three sisters she is the only one he has a relationship with. I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings by not asking her to be a bridesmaid and at the same time it hurts me that she is hurt and it feels as though it is getting out of hand and I’m the last to know about the situation. I’m having four ladies in my party, three of which are my oldest and dearest friends that I’ve known forever and wouldny change it because they have been such an important part of my life for so long and the other bridesmaid is my fiancés niece who is two years younger than myself and the first person in his family other than his mom that I built a really strong relationship with and we talk three to four days out of the week and she really just feels like a little sister to me! The other problem when I did consider asking this sister of his to be a part of my wedding party was that she has two grand babies due a couple weeks after our wedding date and I know she’s very busy between that and working more than full time & not to sound harsh, but she is ten years older than my mother and 30 years on me and close to that with my three best friends who are in the party and I assumed that she would be uncomfortable with my ladies and now I just feel horrible for not asking and for assuming her feelings and I also had to take into account the feelings of my ladies. AM I DOING sOMETHING WRONG?! How should I go about mending this?!
Post # 2
I mean, if it was that important for his sister to be a bridesmaid, you’d think he would have said something to you. I find it really annoying that MILs and brides are always involved while the future groom just sits there.
Also, do you know that the sister is actually hurt? I know Mother-In-Law said she is, but…..
I’d talk to your fiance and ask what the deal is, then talk to the sister. Don’t feel bad, you didn’t know.
Post # 3
I did talk to him about it after we left his moms last night and previously when we were asking people to be in our wedding party! He’s been extras helpful through the process and did defend my decisions last night which made it a lot easier, I still feel guilty though. He said it’s because we were stealing the spotlight from her and the grand baby situation that she is hurt and doesn’t want me upset- I just don’t want to create any hard feelings through the process! Thank you so much for your reply, I appreciate it so very much!
Post # 4
I hope I did a thumbs up on your post, haha I’m still figuring out this site!
Post # 5
You didn’t do anything wrong. You don’t have to ask ANYONE to be in your party you don’t want to be. I don’t understand why people get so butthurt when they are not asked.
She is being dramatic for no reason.
Post # 6
I would just ignore what you have heard. His sister is plenty old enough to know that it is completely inappropriate of her to complain about not being chosen a bridesmaid. His mother also should not have passed that information along to you. What does she expect you to do with that information at this late date? Adding your Future Sister-In-Law at this late date would seem like a pity party.
I had 5 sisters and didn’t have any of them as BM’s. I knew if I asked one, I would have to ask them all, and not only did I not want that large a wedding party, I wanted to have my nearest and dearest friends beside me.
If you really feel you need to do something, you could consider asking her to do a reading during the ceremony. That is a decision that would often be made around this time, and not so obvious as a last minute addition as a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Post # 7
So why isn’t she standing on her brother’s side? Isn’t he the one who has a relationship with her?
Post # 8
Normally I’m in favor of giving siblings a spot in the wedding party, but if she is old enough to be a grandmother and has all that on her plate, it seems pretty silly to be kicking up a fuss over not being a bridesmaid.
Would it placate her if you gave her some other role, like a reading, or escorting an elderly relative down the aisle?
Post # 9
I’m sorry, that must be so frustrating 🙁 if it helps you did nothing wrong. Especially since you didn’t do anything to single her out- it’s not like you asked his other sisters and excluded her. It’s also not unreasonable to assume someone 30 years older than you wouldnt want to be a bridesmaid, I would have assumed the same thing. It sounds like she just wants attention and it is not her day at all so I hope she isn’t getting it.
Post # 10
I don’t think you did anything wrong and I wouldn’t do anything about it now. There’s nothing to do, and totally weird of his mom to awkwardly bring this up. If the SIL was upset, SHE should have come to you. Or your fiance could have said- hey, i want my sister to be in the wedding party.
Post # 11
You ladies are great, thank you all SO much!!
I’ll consider the reading idea and talk to my fiancé about it!
Between you ladies and my Maid/Matron of Honor today, I’m guilt free and alleeciate it so much!!!
Post # 12
I honestly see this going way worse if you do cave and ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I wouldn’t be surprised if the other two sisters say, “Wtf? what about us?!”.
Don’t feel guilty at all. It’s not your respomsibility to make a grown ass woman feel good. Chances are your Future Mother-In-Law is probably blowing things out of proportion anyway.