(Closed) Sister in Law troubles

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
5708 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

When I had a lot of problems with my SIL, I handled them myself (while she got her mom to pretty much do the dirty work for her), and it got so bad that I had to have DH step in.

If they are close, you need to ask Fiance HIS opinion on the matter. I know they are your bridesmaids, but I think he would appreciate a say. I think she is being really immature about it, saying she won’t come if she doesn’t get a bigger role. Talk to Fiance, tell him what she said, and have him talk to her. It will be a tough road ahead if you fight this battle on your own and Fiance doesn’t agree.

Post # 4
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

If she wants to be in the wedding party so bad, tell your Fiance that he’s welcome to put her on HIS side. It’s not written in stone that each side has to be all one gender. I went to one wedding where the bride made her brother her “Man of Honor” and another where the groom had his sister as “Best Woman.” It’s unconventional, sure, but if he’s that close to her she should be on his side anyway.

Post # 5
2721 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@ArtDecoDC:  +1

OP, tell him to make her a groomswoman.

Post # 6
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Could she be on the grooms side? I went to a wedding last year and the brides brother and male friend were on her side (along with her sister and female friend) and the groom had his two sisters (one was his Best Woman) and two male friends on his side. I think breaking the traditional “girls on the brides side, boys on the grooms side” is getting more common because people have opposite sex friends and family that they are close to.

Post # 7
496 posts
Helper bee

Agree with PP, that’s quite immature of her.  See what your Fiance thinks.  I think picking a bridal party is a personal choice and I wouldn’t want to be dictated to and having people throwing tantrums.

Post # 8
1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor

@Ohiogal1201:  Honestly, I think making her a bridesmaid would give you a chance to get to know her better, I really don’t see why it would hurt to make her a bridesmaid. I got to know both of my SILs so much better while DH and I were planning our wedding, and I feel much closer to them now!

Plus, I really don’t think it’s worth the hurt feelings. You don’t want to get off on bad footing. It sounds like it would mean a lot to your Fiance if you include her, and she obviously wants to be included.

Post # 9
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Ohiogal1201:  If you have decided you are putting your foot down and are not going to have her, let your Fiance know you are going to have a talk with her. Invite her to lunch 1/2 way and have an open and frank conversation. “I really want to get to know you better, you mean so much to Fiance, I hope you will come to everything we are planning but we are keeping our wedding party small and I want to have my best girlfriends by my side”, etc…

Post # 10
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Unless she has done something horrible to you, I really think you should put her in your wedding (whether on your side or his) especially because your Fiance is close to her. My Fiance didn’t want to “mix” the genders for our wedding so I am having his sisters as BMs and he’s having my cousins (who are like brothers to me) as GMs. I like them though so it doesn’t bother me.

I will say that her reaction to the situation was immature and she should have been an adult and spoken to YOU about her feelings. Plus, threatening to not attend anything because she’s hurt and not getting her own way is…well, it is ridiculous.

Good luck! 🙂

Post # 13
274 posts
Helper bee

I would have just made her a bridesmaid.  I mean she’s someone who will always be involved in your life for as long as you guys are together, attending all holidays, family events, the aunt of your future children etc.  Even if you aren’t close now theirs plenty of time in the future and making her a bridesmaid can give you a chance to bond and get closer.  For me I know I would regret it otherwise

Post # 14
12340 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Even if I were a bridesmaid, I probably wouldn’t travel 6 hours for a shower or bachelorette party.  If she feels *that* strongly about it and it means that much, I’d probably just give in and maybe it’ll bring you closer it.  It’s not really a big deal with way imo.  With her being 6 hours away, it’s just a title and pretty obvious its out of obligation to family to include her.

Post # 15
20 posts
  • Wedding: April 2011

I wouldn’t make her a bridesmaid. you have your close friends and i think your SIL is just being a brat. just because she is your SIL doesn’t automatically mean she should be a bridesmaid. 

my Mother-In-Law. actuallu recently said to me i wish SIL could have been a part of the weddin but oh well she’ll at least get to be in her boyfriends sisters wedding. to which i replied ‘oh shes getting married?’ and Mother-In-Law said no but when she does. so Mother-In-Law is just assuming that she will be a part of someones wedding that she has met twice!! it was anakward conversation but i wasnt going to make her a bridesmaid just because her and husband are related 

Post # 16
54 posts
Worker bee

With her being six hours away, it’s perfectly acceptable for you not to ask her to be in your bridal party.  And you can always call her to ask how she feels about it, or ask your Fiance.  If you really want to include her, she could supervise the guest book, pass out the rice (or birdseed, bubble, whatever you’ve chosen), ask her to help you choose more simple details or advice that can be handled over the phone or by email, give her a corsage, asked to do a reading, asked to give a speech, there are so many little things that will make anyone feel special.

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