(Closed) Sister-in-law/Bridesmaid issue-not sure what to do now…

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think it would be highly uncomfortable for your brother to see her as a close part of your day when they (may/are) going through a divorce at the time.  I suspect further followup is stressful for them, particularly as they are private people.  I would ask her to be a reader so she is involved (personal assistant sounds more like work than an honor)  but something that can be replaced at the last minute if needed.  Maybe ask her for coffee to see how she is doing…and in the middle, figure out a polite way to say you didn’t hear from her so you went forward with the others but you hope she’ll be involved as X.

Post # 4
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Don’t bug her any more about it or follow up.  Just proceed as if she won’t be in the wedding party.  Later on, if she decides she wants to be involved you can either give her another role or maybe you can find a way to rush order the dress.  Not to sound mean, but in her world your wedding is probably the last thing on her priority list and she may be feeling bad about her situation.  You have reached out enough so she can’t say that you didn’t try, now I would just leave it be.

Post # 5
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@Cheeks225:  Agreed.

Whatever they’re going through right now is obviously really personal, and she probably doesn’t want to have to be the one to make the decision on if she’s going to be in your wedding or not, so make the decision for her. If later on, they end up working out, add a reading for her or something. Personal assistant sounds so degrading to me and like she wasn’t good enough to be a bridesmaid. 

Post # 6
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

I would call her, not text and get a straight answer.  If she’s avoiding your calls too– then leave her out of the wedding party.  She knows what’s going on in both your lives, and she’ll understand that you need to keep your things on track too. 

Post # 8
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If need be, you can always add another reader to the queue (even if full and already selected, you find another reading, it only adds 2-3 minutes particularly if a short reading). 

I’d also say half the times, it’s truly the thought that counts.  We asked someone to be a reader who declined for fear of public speaking specific to churches (which we didn’t know about) but was honored to just be asked.  She felt that me wearing her wedding necklace and being invited to stop by the bridal suite while getting ready was an honor enough and she didn’t need anything further (certainly not something that terrified her).  Plus her husband was a groomsman.  So your SIL will know she is loved by the asking even if she isn’t in the ceremony in the end!  🙂

The topic ‘Sister-in-law/Bridesmaid issue-not sure what to do now…’ is closed to new replies.

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