(Closed) Sister is now planning a wedding 1 month before mine.

posted 4 years ago in Family
  • poll: Would you say something to your sister?
    Yes : (30 votes)
    36 %
    No : (53 votes)
    64 %
  • Post # 2
    5226 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Jasmine41212:  If everything will be different, I guess I don’t understand why it’s bothering you? If you guys were going to have the same “theme” so to speak, I guess I’d get it more. What are you afraid is going to happen if she gets married first?

    Post # 3
    2565 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Let it go.  In the grand scheme of life, it doesn’t matter one bit which one of you gets married first.  You get your day, she gets hers and that’s the end of it.

    Post # 4
    8784 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Jasmine41212:  if you are so close to you sister and love her as much as you say you do, then you would just be happy for her . Why do you feel like you have to turn this into some sort of competition? 

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  j_jaye.
    Post # 5
    46819 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If you had a large number of guests who had to travel to your weddings, it might be a financial concern for them having two weddings to attend so close together. But you said that’s not the case.

    Just because you were engaged first and picked your date first, doesn’t mean you get to have the first wedding.

    Post # 6
    2606 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I misread the post.  I thought you said that there WOULD be a lot of guests coming from out of town, so I voted “yes” thinking you should gently bring up the fact that people may not be able to come to both weddings so close together if they live far away.  However, I reread it and realized you said NOT a lot of guests would be from out of town, in which case, yeah, it sucks a little bit, but really isn’t a big deal or worth starting an arguement over.

    Post # 7
    466 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    Jasmine41212:  It might be hard to let it go, but try to put yourself in her shoes. Did she schedule her wedding so close to yours in a negative way? From how you’re explaining, I’d think not. Maybe she wants to get married as soon as she can (don’t we all?), but had the same time of year in mind for her “dream wedding”.

    I would just try to remember that she’s not stealing or even sharing the spotlight with you…honestly, as planning goes on, you may find that you could continue to be close despite her living so far away. Planning a wedding from another state can be hard – you might be the “expert” she looks to for guidance since you’ve been planning for so long and already have things in order that she might need help for. 

    Post # 8
    5958 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Jasmine41212:  I think you need to look outside the box, your sister may have less to plan than you.  For example, a set of our friends had been planning their wedding for nearly a year when we got engaged.  My husband and I got married three weeks before them.  I don’t think either of them resented us for jumping the gun.  Granted, it’s not the same relationship, but if you’re as close are you say you are with your sister, than she didn’t do this maliciously.  Most likely she wanted to get married as soon as possible. Some people are like that.  My husband and I were like that.  Why wait?  we had nothing to plan really and wanted to be officially married.  Besides I don’t htink your sister was tyinking “I’m going to take the spotlight from my sister.”

    Post # 9
    7664 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Jasmine41212:  I usually advocate 2-3 months between siblings’ weddings, but only because of travelling relatives, because it can be a burden to travel twice a month apart. If you don’t have travelling relatives who this would be an issue for (and it sounds like it might not be), I would let her keep her date. If she wants a summer wedding, it’s hard to avoid being close to you.

    When you have an 18 month engagement, you’ve got to expect that some people get engaged after you and marry before. The order of weddings is not important, only the gap between them.

    I suggest you talk to her, but ONLY about the issue of travelling guests.

    Post # 10
    2532 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    Sorry but when you have a two year engagement I don’t think it’s fair to get annoyed if people get married before you (even your sistee). If being the first was a big deal then yuo could’ve had a shorter engagement. I would look at it as a chance to be excited and plan together!

    Post # 11
    215 posts
    Helper bee

    I think it’s fine that her wedding is before yours, just because of your long engagement. <br /><br />I’d look at it as a chance to learn from her wedding day experience, it may actually help you avoid any stuff-ups, ect! Also, once her wedding is all done, you’ll still have the awesome excitement of yours to look forward to.

    Post # 12
    48 posts
    • Wedding: December 2014

    she is be a show stealer (inadvertantly) you (should) only have one wedding in your life and it is ufair that her decisions (not discussing with you) have lead to this taking away from your big day. she is your sister and this is upsetting you- speak now or feel spiteful and resentful forever

    Post # 13
    2655 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    Jasmine41212:  Being honest, if it were me it would bother me. Having said that, my older sister said she found it really tough when I got engaged and there was no way she was going to any time soon. I suppose it depends on her age. Me, I planned a wedding as soon as possible because I wanted to try to have kids right away and wanted to be married first. Could your sister be like that? Would she be putting her life on hold bely holding out? Is there any other reason why she chose the earlier date? (I know a few months was important to me)

    Post # 14
    536 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    It may not be the same case, but i understand your frustration. I got engaged in August of 2013 and chose the wedding date to be in June 2014, so 10 months later. I announced it right away. 3 friends (pretty close ones) went to the city hall immediately and got married. No wedding dress or party, just city hall and home. And they started to plan their receptions afterwards, for 2015, that is one year later…  One of them got married 1 day before i did. That being said, i was pissed. I found it ridiculous. But then i realized they were frustrated because all of them had been dating their now husbands for years and i had met mine 3 months before he proposed. And none of them was engaged, so they felt resentful for not being engaged in spite of their long term relationships and i was resentful for having planned a wedding in advance and they got married before me. Everybody was resenful. 

    Now, that i am married and happy, i think i stressed myself over nothing. Guests didn’t clash, i am still happy, i had a wedding, a dress and a reception and i wouldn’t change anything.

    It’s easy to say “let go” when you haven’t been there so i won’t judge you for being human. It is also true that you had a very long engagement and many things can happen in 2 years, as a proof, i got a boyfriend and was engaged before the 3 friends who had been in long term relationships. And you got engaged before your sister who had wated it for a long time. 

    Personally, i didn’t say a word to any of my friends about it. And i think i did the right thing now, when the wedding fever is gone. Don’t let it cloud your vision because it won’t matter anymore soon enough. 

    Post # 15
    9751 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Well if she hasn’t booked it yet you could always explain how you feel about the weddings being so close- I do see it as an issue. Thats just a whole lot of wedding for one extended family, especially if showers are happening etc. If she goes ahead and books May anyway then I guess you just deal and enjoy planning with your sis- you don’t want to spoil this special time. My grooms bro is getting married in May, I would have LOVED June but out of respect to all the guests and the couple we booked September. 

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