(Closed) Sister is sleeping with / dating my FBIL

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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bassbee:  “This is a large metro area so there are plenty of people to meet.”

And your point is? There were other people around when you and your Fiance got together but yet you chose each other. I’m not understanding why your sister and Future Brother-In-Law don’t get the same option. If he had happened to be the sibling of a family member’s spouse you would’ve stopped your feelings for him? Come on. Contrary to your beliefs, their relationship has nothing to do with you and your marriage. 

Post # 18
Member
788 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My baby sister and my youngest Future Brother-In-Law hooked up a few times. My only advice to her was that she better make sure that they were both on the same page about what they wanted, because our families are absurdly close so if it ended badly they’d still have to see each other. Otherwise, I trusted her to act like an adult. They both did, and while it didnt go any further, they hang out with us all of the time and there is no awkwardness. 

Post # 19
Member
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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bassbee:  if they’d met before but never really spoke, they can do the same thing if they want to if they break up, no? I don’t see this as a big problem when you all don’t even live in the same place. There’s nothing to do at this point really. It’ll be fine or you can just be worried if that’s the zone you’d like to be in for now. 

Post # 20
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My mom works part time with FI’s parents’ business. I was not pleased at all when she did it. I’ll be very happy when she quits. Whatever you do, stay out of any gossip. Be Switzerland. Don’t discuss pretty much anything with your sister about your life, and don’t comment on hers.

Post # 21
Member
3875 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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bassbee:  It’s definitely a tricky situation. There was a similar situation like this in FI’s life: His sister had been dating her SO for about seven years. FI’s oldest brother came into town (he was away–army) and FI’s sister’s SO invited his older sister to come along to dinner. Well, FI’s oldest brother hit it off with this woman and they began dating. Six months later they were married and pregnant. A year after that FI’s sister broke up with her SO. Has it been a little awkward for them? Sure. I think it really just depends how mature the breakup is and how often they will be forced to see each other. It’s entirely possible to not have to interact with your sister’s inlaws, so even if things went south, I don’t see why your sister and Future Brother-In-Law would be forced together too many times before and after a wedding.

Post # 22
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

 

To be honest, I never see my brother-in-laws family that often. When I do, it’s at large family events for both sides of the family and those are few and far between. It’s not like if things end badly that they’ll be forced to see each other every single day. I think you don’t have a lot to worry about, let them see how things go. I’m sorry that she said she’d be the pretty daughter in law, that was really mean – being a joke or not. 

Post # 23
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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bassbee:  I would have said, “pretty on the outside, sure”. It sucks for sure, but is very likely to just end sooner rather than later. Ignore it to the best of your ability.

Post # 24
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

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bassbee:  at the end of the day, this is her way of getting attention.

Whether it lasts or not doesn’t need to matter to you.

It’s her decision if she decides not to turn up at future family events because he’s there, if they’re no longer dating.

Wait for it to burn out.. and who knows, they may yet surprise you.

Post # 25
Member
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

So, your sister is dating your FI’s brother? Correct?

I’m just trying to understand why so many people are saying if they break up, they’ll only see eachother at holidays….for the most part, whenever my family is hanging out (Sunday dinners, birthdays, etc)  both our family’s sets of sibilings are in attendance.

Post # 26
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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bassbee:  Oh dear. I wouldn’t be against my sister dating my Brother-In-Law in general, but this particular situation doesn’t sound like it will end well. But maybe it will? 

I agree that there’s not much you can do about it, a hands off policy will be best. But vent away! I’d be annoyed too.

Post # 27
Member
16 posts
Newbee

I would have a heart-to-heart with your sister. Tell her your concerns about a bad break-up putting a lot of stress on your marriage. You can’t just walk away from family, so your Future Brother-In-Law is always going to be present in your life (and therefore hers) if things head south. Don’t tell her she has to break up with your Future Brother-In-Law…just let her know she should seriously think about that possibility. You might want to inform your fiance to have a heart-to-heart with his brother as well. It’s a legitimate concern.

After that, there really is nothing much you can do. You’ll have said your piece. It will be up to your sister to decide what to do, and you’ll have to just ride the whole thing out.

It could end badly, but for all you know they could also end up getting married too…you’d have this crazy/funky/awesome family story. I assume, you both came from the same sets of parents, so it may make sense that like would attract like, right?

Good luck!

Post # 28
Member
1534 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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bassbee:  If they got married… all of yalls kids would have a messed up famliy tree.

Post # 30
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think you need to let it go.  So what if things are awkward.  Your sister dug this hole.  And if your marriage can’t stand your sister and brother in law arguing, then you really shouldn’t be getting married.

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