Post # 1
Regular bee going anon again
Stressed and rant so sorry if this turn long
So I live about 15 miles away from my sister who is 36 she has children of her own, my parents live close to her. Sometime I feel like its not far enough.
Im not amazingly close to my mother but see her quite a bit (as much as I try not to at times) I barely see my father and when I do I have to stand outside as we are not allowed up to his apartment.
Anyway my sister, she is literally the most selfish, 2 faced person I have ever met and cause me and my Fiance so much stress, we have hardly spoken in 3 years and when we have its been for the children. I was fed up of her only contacting me when she wanted something. She walks all over my mother to which my mom then comes and tell me about her latest thing. I try telling my mom to stand up to her but she wont. This is why I try not to see my mom because she always tells me something about her.
My sister hates it when my mom does something for any other family memebr and if my mom is with me, my sister phones my mom has a random go at her and makes her cry on the phone to which I see, when I then confront my sister for making my mom cry she makes everything sound perfect as if she hasnt dint do anything wrong. If my sister has a confrontation with other siblings she phones my mom and has a go at her to the point my mom crys, even though mom has not heard anything about it. Everyone has lied to her for years because if she knew the truth she would take it out on my mom. She expects my mom to do everything for her, mind the children, lend her her car, give her money etc but as soon as she does it for someone else all hell breaks loose.
Myslef and my partner are frequently stressed over this and I have on many occasions felt like moving away, just know my mom wouldn’t be happy about it. We are having trouble to conceive and this extra stress is not good for us.
I just dont know what to do. I have told my mom I dont want to know about her but its like she cant help herself and ends up telling me, I know my mom cant help it when my sister phones when shes with us and I can hardly tell my mom to turn her phone off or ignore her.
Argh I judt dont know what to do? Any advice from you bees?
Post # 2
Well, you can’t control what your mom does, or what your sister does — you can only control what you do.
You and your Fiance are trying to start a family — so alleviate any unnessary stress — and if it’s your sister, mom, father whomever – you need to just lessen up on the sharing and worrying about what they do or don’t do.
THat’s in your control — so it’s up to you!
Post # 3
I agree with Breauxlin:
. You can only control your own actions. If moving is the best thing for your family unit, then do it. You already asked your mom to stop telling you about your sister.
I’m not telling you to do this as I don’t know you or your family well enough, but I personally would have an upfront conversation with my mother (if she had a personality similar to your own) that I am going to move away to remove myself from any family drama/negativity. I would also tell my mother that I had requested multiple times for her to stop telling me about my sister. And since she cannot do that, I have to take the next step for my family’s sake. The reason I’m not necessarily recommending that you do this is b/c sometimes the truth might make the situation worse since it’ll hurt your mother’s feelings. However, I’m a firm believer that sometimes you need to do so in order for someone else to realize how their behavior affects others.
I’m sorry, but your mom is a MOTHER, so she needs to take the reigns and stop letting your sister bully her. It’s easier said than done, but if your mom can’t do that and is always crying, it’s probably best that you move away. You can’t help people who don’t want to be helped. And when I say “want to be helped,” I mean, they want it enough to do something about it.
Post # 4
You absolutely CAN tell your mother to turn her phone off or ignore it when she’s with you…
Sister is 36 years old! She can survive for a few hours without mommy and mom KNOWS as well as you do exactly why her daughter is calling and it always results in her crying. Youve more or less cut your sister out of your life so explain to mom that you really want to maintain a good relationship with her but that sister cannot, in any way, be a part of it For the health of your family. If your mom wants to maintain that relationship she can and should but if she can’t stop putting her stress on you after you’ve made it clear how you feel she’s 100% choosing your sister over you so you shouldn’t feel bad telling her you can’t maintain a relationship with her until she can refrain from bringing up your sister… I hate when parents choose to coddle their asshold adult children and expect their other kids to be happy with it or support them.