(Closed) Sister issues (MOH)

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I feel so sad to read something like this, especially when it involves family. I have a pretty shitty family and people with behaviors like your sister. Unfortunately, I decided that it would be best to leave them out since I didn’t want someone to take away from my special day. I think its horrible that your sister results to physical abuse and thats something that I don’t think anyone should put up with. I’m surprised that at this age she doesn’t know better. I think if you don’t trust her and it causes you more worry, than I think you should move ahead without her. 

Post # 4
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

Honestly, why would you miss her?  I know she’s your sister, but damn, she’s not a very good one.  She is obviously not happy that you’re doing things the way she wishes she would have.  Her emotions are toxic towards you.  I would not want her at my wedding, sister or not.  If she bit you as an adult, I can only imagine the horrors that may occur at your wedding.

Post # 5
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Couldn’t you have her there but not as a MOH?

Post # 7
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Only you can decide to have or her not at the wedding…  It’d be tough for me to imagine any scenario where my sisterwouldn’t be present but we have a fairly normal evenkeeled relationship so I can’t compare at all.  I would say if you have her there, just give her a few babysitters.  (As in, the person next to her at dinner is a nice large guy that can handle any rages and a few key people are keeping an eye out for her antics post dinner.)

Post # 8
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

@kristophine: I just want to say that I have sister issues as well. And it is so tough and heartbreaking. Growing up we fought like sisters do, but I always assumed she would be my maid of honor. Well, now I am engaged and my sister and I havent spoken in 1.5 years. I called her last month to  let her know I was engaged, and she hung up on me. Its an ongoing battle.

And the sick part is that I miss her. After that I happened I reached out to her to try to make ammends, and she lashed out again. It breaks my heart.

I dont have advice but I do understand your pain. Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would not only ask her to step down, but also not invite her to the wedding. There is no reason for her to act this way, and holy hell, what will she do to ruin your wedding day?? She had “2 weddings” and you didn’t get invited to either, but you still felt the need to invite her to be your MOH? You are a much better person than me, I woudlnt’ have even told her I was engaged.

Post # 13
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

this makes me so sad!  I’m so sorry your sister is so difficult.  I don’t think it’s out of line at all for you to ask her to see a therapist – she really, really needs some help.  She could get arrested one day for her behavior, so you’d be doing her a favor if she can get herself sorted out now.  She is a very angry person and it sounds like she wants to control your life, and then gets upset when you have opinions of your own!

And I also agree that you don’t have to invite her to your wedding at all, or have her be your Maid/Matron of Honor.  She doesn’t appreciate how much you are doing for her, especially as it seems like she doesn’t care you didn’t go to either or her weddings! and to hurt your Nana’s feelings as well, that is really awful. 

You shouldn’t have to spend your wedding day (which will be your only wedding day hopefully!) feeling stressed out about what she might do and asking people to babysit her, you’ll be stressed about enough anyway, you don’t need anything extra to worry about!  let us know how you get on x

Post # 14
Member
7387 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Accept people for who they are and not who you want them to be. I’ve said it a million times on the Bee. not because its some cute slogan but because I lived it with my own sister. We have had our share of dramas. But now I’m at a place where I don’t expect much. 90% of what you have posted about her is negative yet you want her to stand by your side at your wedding??? Thats madness.  You KNEW in your heart that it was a mistake but you CHOSE to go against your instincts. Why should your day and all the days leading up to it be filled with this crap? Tell her she’s a guest and move on. Any drama to come from that was gonna come ANYWAY from some other issue. So why not at least have your Maid/Matron of Honor be a supportive true freind.

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