Post # 1
Happy Friday, my friends! I hope everyone’s wedding planning is going smoothly.
The reason for my post today is that I need some support from anyone who has had any major fallouts with family members while planning their wedding.
A few months back, my only sister (who was to be my maid of honor) had made the decision to not have a part in my wedding. As much as I hate to say this, I’m pretty sure this was out of pure jealousy, and it should never be that way between sisters. This may have been due to her unfortunately being completely drunk and saying nasty horrible things to me, not to mention that it turned into a physical altercation (all her doing) and her seriously physically hurting me. It is nearly 4 months later, and with less than 4 months to go until our big day, I have yet to receive any sort of apology – with the exception of a half-ass apologetic text message that I received earlier this week. I told her that I could get past the things that she said, but I cannot get over what she physically did to me. The night all of this happened, I told her that not only is she not going to stand up as my maid of honor, but I did not even want her at my wedding. I know I was doing this out of pure anger, but I couldn’t see myself having someone there who doesn’t support me.
The problem is that nobody in her life, including our parents, has ever shown her any sort of boundaries or consequences for her actions. She has always acted very selfish and pinned her troubles on everyone but herself. And while my parents have my back with my decision, I can’t help but to want her to be a part of my special day in some way. But she has made zero effort to make any sort of heartfelt apologies for what happened. I’m so torn…I want so badly to teach her a lesson, that what she did was not okay. But at the same time, I do not want to look back years from now and regret not having my only sister there for me on the most important day of my life. I reached out to her asking for her to call me, but so far she has not made any attempts to do so. Any advice? Has anyone had to deal with a similar situation?
Post # 3
I havnt had a falling out with my sister but we do fight every now and then. I can only suggest that you take your sister out to dinner or something and really discuss what’s going on. I agree that it would be pretty awful to not have my sister at my wedding but I don’t know that I could forgive so easily if something that serious went down. Also, remember that it’s not your job to teach her a lessson. Just be her sister and do whatever your heart tells you to. Try not to punish her for making a stupid mistake, talk to her and figure out where you two stand.
Post # 4
Thank you. I have tried to reach out to her so we can talk, but so far no response at all. I’m trying to be the bigger person, but it’s like she wants nothing to do with me, even though none of this was my fault whatsoever. I think I may try one more time, but I can’t lead a horse to water.
Post # 5
Maybe you could write her a letter saying that you really want to mend the relationship? I’m sure she feels weird about whatever happened and doesnt know how to talk about it. It might be easier to write something down. I know how sisters can be and the fights can get out of control but I also know that my sister is my best friend and I couldnt get married without her being there.
Post # 6
i would still invite her to the wedding. it will be up to her if she attends. if she doesn’t attend, then you know that it wasn’t due to her not being invited. you won’t regret anything.
Post # 7
I definitely feel you here. I had a falling out with my middle sister. Nothing as serious as a physical altercation but it definitely hurt my feelings. Just like your sis my family has never let her have to pay for her actions they just ignore it and thats what I have always done when she was a complete and total bitch to me. My mom is actually on my side this time and told me dont be the first to apologize this time because then she thinks its ok to act this way.
Here is a link to the drama: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/just-a-family-vent
We saw each other for the first time just this past Tuesday and she said not one word to me, even after I asked her how her surgery went, not one word.
At this point since I gotten hardcore into the planning of this wedding, if she doesnt come around, its safe for me to say that she is no longer in the wedding. I hate to do it that way but she really hurt me and she always does.
If I were you I would try to talk to her one more time. IF there is no result then you have to move on with your day. ITs about you, and it should be special for you. Dont let negative people, including family, get you down.
Post # 8
I really appreciate your response. Thank you so very much. You are right, I will make one more attempt, and if she doesn’t take me up on it, I will have to move on and proceed with everything else that is most important.
Post # 9
I think that maybe I should make one more strong attempt to mend things before I invite her…as sad as this sounds, she would only show up for free booze. That is unfortunately the type of person she is. Thank you.